“Laughter
1 Result 0”
Match: 15
/ 364
Lost
by 6 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
92 |
|
D. Shorten 24 |
|
|
|
|
|
Garsington CC |
93 - 4 |
|
C. Roberts 3 - 6 |
|
|
The MAD have never
beaten Garsington CC. They’ve been trying since
their inaugural T20 back in 2011, when despite posting a rather useful total
of 154-5, their opponents took just a little over 13 overs in achieving their
target. If one casts one’s mind back, one remembers Mr T. P. W. Smith dodging
crop sprayers in a nearby field to retrieve the cricket ball each and every
over. Sometimes several times in one over. In fact, sometimes he even dodged
the crop sprayer. But despite the unfortunate outcomes, the matches played
atop a hillside with panoramic view over Oxfordshire have always been
entertaining affairs, played in excellent spirit with weather to boot. So how
would 2015’s chapter of T20s answer to “Milton away” pan out?
Well, it was grey and
overcast to start. Warm, but definitely grey. And overcast too. And despite
rumours of this being a “shit Garsington team” due to a recent player exodus,
those rumours proved unfounded, as those that remained loyal to their
franchise and bothered to turn up were quite clearly cricketers of pedigree.
So this was most definitely not a
shit Garsington team then. Mr Shorten’s
unparalleled success with the calling of coin would continue, with recent declarations
to bat first adhered to before any expected rainfall. He subsequently opted
to entrust opening duties to Messrs Westmoreland and Howarth, who together boasted
close to 10,000 MAD runs and 25 years of batting experience between them.
They hitherto rewarded their skipper’s faith by recording only the fifth
instance in MAD history of both openers being dismissed without scoring – the
last occasion being fully 8 years ago in 2007, coincidentally starring a
certain Mr. Westmoreland on that occasion too.
Proof positive that Mr. Bullock (batting) is
fleet of foot. From pitiful beginnings
to pissy drizzle giving way to expected shitty rainfall.
Time to hide kit bags, mobiles and Giant Ducks in the tractor shed. Oh, joy.
The subsequent disappearance of Midge the dog being in perfect parallel with
the disappearance of Denton – slowly smudged out as the horizon became a
soggy band of charcoal wet stuff. Fair play to the hosts, they stuck it out,
as did Hill (14) and Bullock (1), but any would-be glories were compounded by
rain on their glasses. Unfazed, Shorten clubbed his way to another lusty 24
to offer some hope, before he too was rendered blind by precipitation, and
summarily bowled by infant Alfie Turner (4-0-20-1) – the youngster somehow
uprooting a stump taller than himself. At the other end, Reeves (8) wasn’t
wearing spectacles, but you’d have thought he was. 54-6 (11.4 ovs). Could Mr. R. P. Turner
(15*) somehow marshal the tail to bolster MAD hopes in establishing a
reasonable score? Could he fuck, but in fairness, he sure did try. Paceman D.
Fellows (4-1-9-3) returned off a shortened run up to firstly splatter Smith’s
(9) head with a beamer and then splatter his stumps with a non-beamer. Timms
(0) avoided a golden, whilst Roberts (2) and Carter (4) ensured the
talismanic R. Vircavs finished with the exemplary figures of 3.2-0-20-4. MAD
all out for 92 in 18.2 overs. Not quite 100, but most definitely not 200.
Mr. Shorten tries to hit a ball into Denton… if
indeed you could see it…. A defendable target bowling
with a bar of soap? (Cough splutter)… and please form an orderly queue for
some psychiatric medicine at the general practitioners…. Having established he
couldn’t bat, Howarth (1-0-11-0) duly endorsed his glowing reputation as
someone who couldn’t bowl either. Add a couple of misfields into the equation
and an inability to make out a pink neon ball against dark green foliage, along
with his similarly incapacitated sidekick Westmoreland, then it may be time
to retire the fucker off to some paddock for shagged race horses. That said,
the horses probably had some crowning glories at one time or another. The Skipper (3-0-16-0)
bowled a few decent overs for the first time in as many months, complemented
by some dross from G. J. Timms (2-0-25-0) at the other, but neither bowled as
much crap down leg as Smith (2-0-26-1) – his profligate vegetarian buffet
only reduced in value by a ball that did for N. Turner for 14. Talking of
Turner, the FFTMCC’s namesake, R. P, was having a delirious time as he chased
down calorific fuel in the waterlogged outfield, much to everyone’s amusement. And amusing really is the word here – an adjective that upholds MAD
values more than any other. Seriously, do we give up our Sundays and midweek
evenings to be mardy about a game of fucking cricket? No. It never has been
all about the winning. And it never will be. Hopefully. It is this same
spirit, humour and banter that rescued the club on Tour in f______ T______ in
2014, and without it, lesser clubs would have floundered. Folded. Gone kaput.
Disappeared into the abyss of the once-was
and the accompanying turbulence of recrimination, bitching and finger
pointing that goes with it. Lest anybody forgets – IT’S
JUST A GAME!!!
The sarcastic, acerbic, self-depreciating
banter continued as both Reeves (2-1-1-0) and Westmoreland (1-0-4-0) tried to
dislodge young Garsington upstart, Alfie (2*). The fact that Martin’s quest
for that elusive 100th wicket found him crowding the bat of a kid
shorter than his own kidders finding particular derision. But boy, it was
funny. Just like most of the time spent under leaden skies retrieving balls
from stinging nettles and gravel car parks…. So did The MAD actually
take any more wickets? Erm… yes, actually. Tall Bob did. Not “Tall Bob”
Howarth as pictured above, but “Tall Bob” Bob. Bob (3-1-6-3) simply went
about his business as he has all season, bowling an old-school line and
length, and doing what you’re supposed to do… as a bowler. You know, bowl lin-e-e-e-e-e-e and
len-n-n-n-n-ngth. So well done him. We’re into July now, and Bob’s got a pile of
wickets already, so there is the possibility of 40 there for the season –
there for taking. Go do it, Bobby. Make us smile. And that was that. Young Alfie square cut
some rubbish off Reeves (2-1-1-0) past the rubbish Howarth at gully and the
game was done. It had even stopped raining. The bar was open though – if you
could find it somewhere in the maze which is the Garsington pavilion.
A winning streak had ended.
Green ink to append to red.
A loss no less. And not a win. But a loss. But a bloody good laugh no less. Midge
the dog eventually returned from whatever the hell she was doing in Denton,
and one was merely left to salute the indomitable MAD spirit – and long may
it continue. For many years to come. ‘Short Bob
Silver’
|
*
Statto
Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Garsington
CC Played at Garsington, 14 July 2015 Far from the MCC won the toss and
elected to bat Garsington CC won by 6 wkts Far from the MCC debuts:
none |
15 / 364 20 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
M. T. Westmoreland |
c Morrison b Fellows |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
1-1 |
|
2 |
I. Howarth |
c C.
Wharton b S. Wharton |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
2-5 |
|
3 |
N. S. Hill |
c C.
Wharton b Vircavs |
14 |
(17) |
3 |
- |
3-19 |
|
4 |
M. Bullock |
b Vircavs |
1 |
(17) |
- |
- |
4-33 |
|
5 |
D. Shorten * |
b A. Turner |
24 |
(22) |
2 |
1 |
6-54 |
|
6 |
M. K. Reeves |
b Morrison |
8 |
(7) |
2 |
- |
5-54 |
|
7 |
R. P. Turner |
not out |
15 |
(17) |
- |
- |
- |
|
8 |
T. P. W. Smith |
b Fellows |
9 |
(13) |
1 |
- |
7-68 |
|
9 |
G. J. Timms |
b Fellows |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
8-68 |
|
10 |
C. D. Roberts |
b Vircavs |
2 |
(5) |
- |
- |
9-78 |
|
11 |
G. Carter † |
b Vircavs |
4 |
(6) |
- |
- |
10-92 |
|
|
Extras |
NB1, W3, LB1, B10 |
15 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 18.2 overs) |
92 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Fellows |
4 |
1 |
9 |
3 |
|
|
2 |
S. Wharton |
3 |
0 |
11 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Morrison |
4 |
1 |
21 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Vircavs |
3.2 |
0 |
20 |
4 |
|
|
5 |
A. Turner |
4 |
0 |
20 |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Garsington CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
C. Wharton |
c Shorten b Roberts |
18 |
(18) |
3 |
- |
2-54 |
|
2 |
M. Parsler |
c Turner b Roverts |
33 |
(21) |
5 |
1 |
1-54 |
|
3 |
N. Turner |
b Smith |
14 |
(6) |
2 |
- |
3-70 |
|
4 |
A. Hogg |
c Hill b Roberts |
2 |
(5) |
- |
- |
4-70 |
|
5 |
N. Parsler |
not out |
8 |
(19) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
6 |
D. James † |
retired |
11 |
(5) |
2 |
- |
- |
|
7 |
A. Turner |
not out |
2 |
(11) |
- |
- |
- |
|
8 |
J. Morrison * |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
S. Wharton |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
D. Fellows |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
R. Vircavs |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
NB1, LB1, B3 |
5 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 4 wickets, 14 overs) |
93 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Howarth |
1 |
0 |
11 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Shorten |
3 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
Timms |
2 |
0 |
25 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
Roberts |
3 |
1 |
6 |
3 |
|
|
5 |
Smith |
2 |
0 |
26 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Reeves |
2 |
1 |
1 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Westmoreland |
1 |
0 |
4 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: C. D. Roberts Champagne Moment: R. P. Turner’s back-peddling
catch in the covers Buffet
Award: T. P. W. Smith’s Walkers
crisps (with a pickled egg per bag) |
Opposition:
V063 / 05 Ground: G050 / 05 Captain: C016 / 09 |