“Saga of the Sea of Chol”

Match: 15 / 365

Won by 8 wkts

Team	Total
Cholsey CC	155 - 7
J. Pearson 3 - 6, M. Reeves 3 - 13
FFTMCC	156 - 2
M. Westmoreland 73, J. Pearson 56

Paragraph 1. They came from the marshlands of Oragaboom, via the plains of Cholsey. The marauding hordes swept down the road of Abingdon to face their frequent foes, the tribe of FFTMCC. Captains Timms awaited them, his mind clear for the battle ahead. He would have many tactical decisions to make this afternoon, but first he had to trust to lady luck and the toss of the ancient doubloon of justice. If you think Gary won the toss, proceed to paragraph 37. If you think he got it wrong, go to paragraph 6.

Paragraph 2. Timms called up further reinforcements, dwellers of the slums of Borigan. Pearson (2-1-6-3) had been kissed by the Lady Theller Of Luck on this day as his pastries of the Cannonberry fruit provided terrible havoc to the Chol of Sea middle ranks. Timms (6-0-18-0) had instead kissed the frog of Thanet and his pastries were munched on most eagerly by the Oppo-of-Zition. But what should Gary do now? If you think he should turn to youth and vigour to trounce the opposition, go to paragraph 5, if you think that he went with a couple of over the hill part timers go to paragraph 23.

Paragraph 4. Roberts was slain and with it the hopes of the team. You have failed in your quest, go back to paragraph 6.

Paragraph 5. We don’t have anyone who falls in to that category, go back to paragraph 2.

Paragraph 6. The mighty Chol of Sea choose to bat first on a lime green strip resembling the surface of the 5^th moon of Orraswepto. They sent out their finest warriors C Hansen and A Chapman, well known to the Far as they had reaped much destruction in the past. Timms selected his champions, the current gladiator of the year, Shorten (4-0-13-0) and the young (being of just 40 summers) fast improving Roberts (6-0-35-0.) Roberts received much tonking. If you think Gary should stick with Shorten and Roberts, go to paragraph 4, if you think he should switch, go to paragraph 21.

Paragraph 15. You are wrong, fuck off back to paragraph 21.

Paragraph 16. The combatants from the Sea of Chol had been dealt 7 mighty blows by this point, but they rallied somewhat, with Bowckett (31 n.o) and Ellis (29 n.o) showed erstwhile resistance. The Sea of Chol had achieved 155 in the runes of Karthumba. To see how the story proceeds, go to paragraph 28.

Paragraph 17. Indeed, he was ably assisted by his young Padawan, James, son of Pear. Together the pair formed an alliance, of 140 runes, the like of which parents will tell their children and their children’s children, and so on down through the ages, but especially on tour, until everyone is quite sick of it. But could the pair remain undefeated and return victorious? To find out, go to paragraph 53.

James, son of Pear – in wonderful form at present.

Paragraph 19. Martin is his name, Martin of the Land of the West Moor. Recently he had been battling the twin demons of the back luck and the more bad luck, but on this day his mighty blade smite the Sea of Chol to all parts of the valley of the Tame’s River. As he passed the 50 runes, for the first time since the sun entering the northern hemisphere, he raised his bat to the assembled throngs in great delight. But did Martin do this all on his own? If you think yes, go to paragraph 20, if no, go to paragraph 17.

Paragraph 20. No man is an island. Go to paragraph 17.

Paragraph 21. The wise old commander gathered his generals about him and conferred that they should switch to Reeves (8-1-13-3) and Emerson (5-0-15-0.) Both swung the orb of leather with much skill and with a leap from Emerson, Reeves burst through the first line of the Chol Sea attack, exposing the fleshy underbelly. If you think Reeves has a big head, go to paragraph 15, if you think he has a normal sized head, go to paragraph 2.

Reeves – doing an impersonation of a hunchback.

Paragraph 23. The ancient warriors, one for the caverns of Easlesex and the other from the deserts to the North stretched and lumbered to their task. Dobner (7-1-26-1) threw the mighty cherry of Aragufafar, an astonishing 42 times, to some reward. Westmoreland was searching for his 100^th scalp. To see if Martin achieved this mighty feat, go to paragraph 42, otherwise proceed to paragraph 16.

Paragraph 28. At this point, hostiles were temporarily ceased and the two warring factions repaired to the great temple at the Nose of Bray, where they feasted on beakers of juice and the finest oat cakes in all of the seven kingdoms. However, the Captain of the FFTMCC didn’t stop plotting and was selecting his finest bladesmen to send in to the fray. To hear an epic tale of their adventures, go to paragraph 19.

Paragraph 37. Of course he lost the toss. You have been mauled to death by the beast of Tharg, go back to paragraph 1.

Paragraph 42. Nope, figures of 2-0-21-0 shows that the quest goes on, but good to see you back to bowling dude. Go to paragraph 16.

Paragraph 53. Unfortunately there is a twist in the tale and tragedy would befall the pair. The 5th Lord of Lucan (9 n.o) evoked the curse of the commentator, by speculating that it would be nice if his parents got to see him bat. His evil wish came to pass and first Martin (73) and then James (56) were felled within sight of their final victory. Some who witnessed the finale tell of a stranger, Russell of the Green Ink, who appeared almost as an apparition. Others say that he was a TFC of a non-striker. Continue to paragraph 100 to hear the conclusion of the story.

Martin turns back the clock to 2006 – or the year he could bat.

Paragraph 100. So with the loss of only two wickets, the FFTMCC achieved their target, putting right the wrong done to them by one, David Emer’s Son, a few months previous. At the conclusion of the battle, hostilities were immediately ended and the two tribes united and vowed to continue the fruitful arrangement for many moons to come. They then marched joyously to a local hostelry where there was much merriment. The End.

‘Reevsie’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Cholsey CC Played at Brasenose College, 19 July 2015 Cholsey CC won the toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 8 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none

15 / 365 40 over match

Team	Cholsey CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	C. Hansen	c Emerson b Reeves	38		4	-	3-63
2	A. Chapman *	b Reeves	7		1	-	1-33
3	P. Turner	b Reeves	5		-	-	2-47
4	K. Gupta	c Shorten b Pearson	6		1	-	4-64
5	P. Miners	st Carter b Pearson	4		1	-	5-70
6	R. Harding	b Dobner	16		1	-	7-107
7	R. Williams	c and b Pearson	0		-	-	6-70
8	D. Bowckett	not out	31		4	-	-
9	I. Ellis	not out	29		4	-	-
10	D. Hill
11	M. Taylor
	Extras	W11, LB3, B5	19
	TOTAL	(for 7 wickets, 40 overs)	155

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Shorten	4	0	13	0
2	Roberts	6	0	35	0
3	Reeves	8	1	13	3
4	Emerson	5	0	15	0
5	Pearson	2	1	6	3
6	Timms	6	0	18	0
7	Dobner	7	1	26	1
8	Westmoreland	2	0	21	0

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	M. T. Westmoreland	b Hansen	73	(99)	10	1	2-155
2	J. W. Pearson	b Ellis	56	(82)	5	1	1-140
3	R. J. T. Hadfield	not out	9	(11)	1	-	-
4	R. P. Turner	not out	0	(0)	-	-	-
5	S. L. P. Dobner
6	D. Shorten
7	D. Emerson
8	G. Carter †
9	M. K. Reeves
10	G. J. Timms *
11	C. D. Roberts
	Extras	NB6, W6, LB3, B3	18
	TOTAL	(for 2 wickets, 31.1 overs)	156

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Williams	8	1	28	0
2	Chapman	7	1	23	0
3	Hill	6	0	47	0
4	Taylor	4	0	27	0
5	Hansen	4	0	12	1
6	Ellis	2.1	0	14	1

MOTM: M. T. Westmoreland Champagne Moment: G. Carter’s stumping Buffet Award: M. T. Westmoreland’s sausage and onion sandwiches with brown sauce

Opposition: V033 / 18 Ground: G040 / 47 Captain: C022 / 34