“Desp@ir of Dreams PsychEd3l1c Backwards”

Match: 15 / 356

Lost by 41 runs

Team	Total
Lemmings	148 - 7
L. Ainsworth 3 - 20, J. Newman 2 - 28
FFTMCC	107
I. Howarth 29, R. Hadfield 18

With a rattle of breakfast cutlery in the sink, time for Mr. Shorten to voice his farewells and head out into a brave new world to build some things. Time to forget about cricket, time to forget about abstract, technicolour backward dreams, and time to forget about Howarth's demoralised sense of mind….

“On leaving the ground under charcoal skies to match my darkening mood, I glanced through the spotted window of my car to see James Baker hauling his kit bag towards the main road, head bowed and shoulders hunched forward to stave off the now persistent drizzle. He accepted my lift to Gloucester Green and for 15 minutes I found solace in talking to a lovely human being playing host to that familiar forty-something soul, bemoaning the fleeting successes of yesteryear, and now dealing with all too regular frustrations and disappointments bestowed by later life. Happily cynical and brow beaten, Jim also wondered why we do what we do knowing what we do?

No fucking idea, mate. Absolutely none. But thank you, James, for your engaging and immersive humour – for stemming that oncoming, self-introspective comedown which usually, inevitably follows this particular match.

Pass me the wine.”

“…It was the backwards bit that got me, it’s a metaphor for how jangled up cricket can make my brain. I don’t think Howarth should be at all demoralised, they thought they could lose, and he really well and was drawn in to a shot by a wily old fox, no shame there. They bowled tight and were hard to score off – it was a good game and could have gone our way.

Ho hum, onwards and upwards.” – Mr. D. Shorten

“I showered post-match to collect my thoughts, as I normally do, but couldn't seemingly drag myself out of a mood of total despondency. Cricket is only a game or so they say, but then so is life. You ascertain the situation; you make a judgement as best you can, and you stick with it, and inevitably deal with the consequences. There, for a short period today, those same questions arose, and again, just as history would dictate, I let myself down, I let the team down and we lost. Simple. This match against these bowlers is a pointer to a life gone by – certainly for me. Were you... are you...? No. Not even close.”

“Wow! What a totally insane up night’s sleep... waking up replaying the last shot I played and imagining the shots I might have played. I dreamt I read an email Spam sent out in such despair and in so many different colours, capitals, different size letters, fonts, bemoaning our failure once more in a sort of semi frustrated rant... but the really funny thing about it? It was all written backwards! Ha ha ha!” – Mr. D. Shorten

“The day after the day before.

Or the day two days after the day two days before.

Or the day three days after the day three days before... etc.

There is one date in the cricketing calendar for me – one date that sticks out above all others. It has no peer. It is a fixture that we as a team can measure ourselves against the best we will face over the course of the season. A true barometer of our skills, talent and accumulated experience from previous years.“

“The Mad have contested matches against the ubiquitous Lemmings since 2001 and in such time have registered no wins and plenty of none-wins. Results have ranged from a broad-based pasting, a good fucking hiding and a reasonably contested loss where the rodents were anxious for a while, but in the end prevailed. Such was the case last year in 2014, where having bowled and fielded well and restricted the University Ex-Grads to a gettable target, The MAD chased it, got within shooting distance, listened to each other’s sagely and ultimately bad advice, played the big shots at the wrong time, and came up short – thereafter berating themselves. However, in a slightly more relaxed atmosphere post-match by an open bar, the guys nonetheless congratulated each other on their efforts in making it a competitive game for once and thus ensuring to go one better the following year.”

Knackered from the exhaustion both mentally and physically of playing cricket against the Lemmings, Lego collapsed into a deep and convoluted sleep….

“2015. A year after the year before.

...having bowled and fielded well and restricted the University Ex-Grads to a gettable target [149], The MAD found themselves in a precarious position on 93-7, which was substantially better than the previously precarious position of 48-4 earlier in the day. Reeves had just gotten out after perplexing both himself and everyone else with a nervy sub-standard effort of 2, but with The MAD batting down to #11 on this day, there was no need to panic, surely? There were after all 8 plus overs remaining and thus the run rate would equate to approximately 6 per over. So that's about 6 singles per over on a vast expanse of a ground probably larger in surface area to that of the Moon.

“Nothing stupid, Dave - just milk it about” advised, Ian.

“Absolutely, Spam, but I think we should cash in on old man Tom Baker's pies? They have pace to finish off – we ought to make hay now” countered Dave.

“I don't mind pace, Dave. Be patient.”

“I don't mind pie, Ian - have a go?”

Howarth (29) caught trying to whack "old man Tom Baker's pies" onto adjoining tennis courts some four or five miles away.

Shorten (16) stumped trying to whack "old man Tom Baker's pies" onto adjoining tennis courts some four or five miles away.

Darley (1) bowled trying to whack "old man Tom Baker's pies" onto an adjoining tennis courts some four or five miles away.

Newman (1*) not out and jawline limp in transfixed nothingness bordering on incredulity at the said shot selection from senior batsmen before him....”

“All out 107.

All out short of a gettable target against increasingly anxious Lemmings.

All out as was last year against increasingly anxious Lemmings, with a really good chance of stealing a famous win.”

‘Spam’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Lemmings Played at Jordan Hill, 14 June 2015 Lemmings won the toss and elected to bat Lemmings won by 41 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

15 / 356 35 over match

Team	Lemmings
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	L. Singh	b Newman-Robson	7		1	-	1-14
2	T. Baker	b Newman-Robson	5		-	-	2-16
3	J. Kelly	b Ainsworth	32		1	-	4-81
4	R. Baker	c Emerson b Reeves	8		1	-	3-55
5	S. Wood *	c Reeves b Ainsworth	17		1	-	5-101
6	P. Williams	not out	28		3	-	-
7	R. Smith	c Bullock b Ainsworth	7		1	-	6-110
8	A. Willey †	b Reeves	3		-	-	7-127
9	S. L. P. Dobner	not out	4		-	-	-
10	J. Hotson
11	J. Baker
	Extras	NB1, W19, LB11, B6	37
	TOTAL	(for 7 wickets, 35 overs)	148

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Newman-Robson	7	0	28	2
2	Darley	6	1	33	0
3	Reeves	7	1	29	2
4	Shorten	7	2	21	0
5	Ainsworth	6	1	20	3
6	Howarth	2	1	1	0

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	M. T. Westmoreland	run out	13	(21)	2	-	2-25
2	L. G. Ainsworth	lbw b J. Baker	10	(29)	-	-	1-23
3	R. J. B. Hadfield	b Singh	18	(38)	1	-	4-48
4	R. P. Turner	b Kelly	5	(22)	-	-	3-48
5	I. Howarth	c Singh b T. Baker	29	(26)	2	-	8-93
6	D. Emerson *	b Singh	7	(5)	-	-	5-72
7	M. Bullock †	b Singh	0	(2)	-	-	6-72
8	M. K. Reeves	b Wood	2	(13)	-	-	7-89
9	D. Shorten	st Willey b T. Baker	16	(14)	2	-	10-107
10	A. Darley	b T. Baker	1	(2)	-	-	9-102
11	J. Newman-Robson	not out	1	(2)	-	-	-
	Extras	LB2, B3	5
	TOTAL	(all out, 29 overs)	107

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	J. Baker	7	2	17	1
2	Smith	7	1	14	0
3	Singh	5	0	24	3
4	Kelly	4	0	16	1
5	Wood	3	0	11	1
6	T. Baker	3	0	20	3
Note: R. J. B. Hadfield and D. Emerson’s innings included an all-run four

MOTM: L. G. Ainsworth Champagne Moment: M. Reeves’ reactive catch at short mid-wicket Buffet Award: A. Darley’s pizza bonanza (all types with all toppings)

Opposition: V024 / 13 Ground: G013 / 22 Captain: C018 / 08