“Is this
really us?”
Match: 15
/ 352
Won
by 6 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
Isis CC |
122 |
|
J. Hoskins 3 - 25, I. Howarth
2 - 7 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
125 - 4 |
|
J. Pearson 49*, I. Howarth
25* |
|
|
As with previous matches
in May, there was the now obligatory inclement weather prior the match, which
of course fuelled the naysayers and the pessimists, as they sat in the White
House pub, cynically running down England’s chances of beating New Zealand in
the second test at Headingley (they were right). Every now and again, Skipper
Timms would wander outside, soak up some more drizzle, look to the heavens
and try to ascertain which direction the wind was blowing. He’d then report
back to his flock, and inform them he hadn’t got a fucking clue, and subsequently
join the animated debates centred on everyone’s mobile weather apps. “Looks like it’ll peter
out about 1ish-2ish” said Moo, “it’s pretty good thereafter.” “It’s not supposed to be
raining,” chirped JMO. “That said, Overton flooded earlier on, and it wasn’t
supposed to rain there either. Then again, it always rains in Overton, so
this whole dialogue is pointless.” “Funny that,” opined
Timms, as water dribbled off his sodden cap.
“Here-e-e-e-e-e-e-s, Dobner!!!” Assembling at the pretty
Queens College ground, an improvement in climate saw the covers removed and a
14:15 start agreed. Time enough for Mr. Dobner to finally arrive after experiencing
“shit fucking traffic” on his commute from the White Stiletto, and then make
mention of “a big fucking cloud hanging over much of Oxford.” Much akin to
his mood for that matter…. With Timms winning only
his second toss of the year (we all fall down), he figured bowling first on a
sweaty strip. He also figured The MAD are totally clueless when posting a
target, so best they chase. Continuing his excellent
start to the season, Mr. Reeves (7-3-12-1) again demonstrated the merits of
bowling line and length, and also the merits of catching a ball utilising both
hands [off his own bowling]. He was ably supported by Mr. Roberts (6-0-27-1),
whose wicket came in controversial circumstances when the aforementioned
Dobner threw the ball back at the uprights to stump Mr. Penhallurick for 8.
The batsman stood his ground for a while, having indeed gone walkabout, but
perhaps awaiting a degree of gentlemanly sportsmanship? Nothing doing – and
so the long walk back to the pavilion…. “I warned Howarth,”
exclaimed Steve. “Well that’s fine, isn’t
it?” Said Moo, “but he’s not the fucking batsman! And did you tell the
batsman, Ian – to keep his feet in the crease?” “Er, no – I thought
Steve had….” Muttered Ian. An already decidedly aging
Timms sighed, hands on hips and gazed up to charcoal skies….
Smith – conserving Joules for the flan throwing
contest. Next up came Messrs
Smith and Hoskins, tossing their variations of flan at the Isis middle order.
Thorn (6-0-31-0) continues to impress as he assimilates from batsman to
bowler, whilst James (7-0-25-3) is enjoying a renaissance in baking that
would have had the late (and great) Mr. A. Fisher purring in delight from the
now fluffy clouds above. Such is James’ form of late; the holy grail of the most Mad wickets
in a season is maybe there to claim? We hope so. It was inbetween some
quite frankly godawful Isis shot-selection, that James managed to secure his
greatest prize – a direct hit to Dobner’s prize possessions. On regaining his
feet, another legside sortie saw Steve once again hit the turf – this time
his kneecap, or maybe it was his thigh? Or some other part of an anatomy so
fuckered over the years – one wonders why he bullies the gloves off everyone
week in / week out…? Regardless, everyone had a private laugh, as did umpire
Penhallurick – and good for him. With Hoskins’ inroads
creating an Isis CC wobble, Timms (5-1-16-2) combined with Howarth
(3.1-1-7-2) to run through the home team’s tail. 122 all out and the skipper
positively glowing about his run out of N. Khawaja (27) – a clearly
intentional piece of fielding with both his eyes closed, finger dangled out
to deflect the ball, and some silly bastard saying “wow, that is surely the
Champagne moment of all time…”
Beats padding up for nothing – eh, Mike? Tea at Queens College is
always a pleasurable and rewarding experience, kicking back on two genial
long benches, scoffing decent platter, surrounded by the celluloid reminders
of university yesteryear – unless that is, you happen to be copying the
scorebook up. This is the point in the game where Howarth goes into OCD
overdrive moaning about misspellings, irregularities, ink blots, incorrect
correlations, and just about everything contained in the opposition
scorebook…. Then of course there are cock ups in The MAD scorebook which need
sticking plasters to cover up, and…. So why does he bother? Miserable
bastard. But thanks for missing a lovely buffet for the hundredth match
running Ian…. On resumption, recently
rejuvenated, reinvigorated, re-energised, re-stitched multiple former Player
of the Season, Mr. D. Emerson (20) played in his customary Black Caps’ style,
which is to mix whacking anything on a length with whacking everything off a
length. This he accomplished, until the cheap glasses that Mr. Hadfield focusses
the world through, decided there was a single where there was not. Shame, but
Team MAD have seen enough of Dave recently to know that his assimilation of bowler-batsman to batsman-batsman gathers
apace.
The Return of Lucan – literally…. Elsewhere, Westmoreland
(1) got off the mark, Hadfield (14) claimed he “got a good one”, and the
joyful Dobner (also 14) threatened James with physical violence after being
triggered whilst admiring his shoelace (fucking funny). Being the consummate
professional, Mr. Hoskins declined to reciprocate the “Dobner Stare” – and
instead chose to listen to the ethereal English-ism of church bells over the
words “you fucking cunt”. Good for him. 58-4 and stage set for the
time-honoured MAD collapse. Belt up, sit tight, and here we go…. Nothing. No collapse. Nada. Is this really the Far from the MCC batting…?
Pearson (batting) combats the effects of anthrax
in composing a match winning 49 not out. Fighting off the ill-effects
of Irish Man Flu (no, me neither) – Isis slaughterer by trade, Mr. J. W. Pearson
(49*), rose from his “knackered bed” to guide the team home with the help of
that other cynically, sardonic arsehole, Howarth (25*). It was a passage of
play helped by no little profligacy in the field, but at times seemed so
utterly alien. In fact, so unfamiliar, on returning to the changing rooms
thereafter, their teammates sat / stood about in stunned silence not knowing
what to say / do – aside from Mr. Reeves [naturally], who bitched / moaned about
being padded up for over an hour with fuck all to do, other than pace about
in anticipation of the belated, non-forthcoming, habitual batting collapse…. Bob didn’t even have to
pad up on this day. Not this outing. So, victory to The MAD
by 6 wickets and their fourth straight win – a season in danger of becoming
successful. Gentlemen, ‘tis a long road to travel, but omens are presently
good. Very good. Just whisper it quietly. ‘A. V. G.
Protection’
|
*
Statto
Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Isis
CC Played at Queens
College, 31 May 2015 Far from the MCC won the toss and
elected to field Far from the MCC won by 6 wkts Far from the MCC debuts:
none |
15 / 352 35 over match |
|
Team |
Isis CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. Penhallurick * |
st Dobner b Roberts |
8 |
|
- |
- |
2-16 |
|
2 |
O. Walter |
c and b Reeves |
6 |
|
- |
- |
1-16 |
|
3 |
B. Harden |
c Roberts b Hoskins |
16 |
|
3 |
- |
3-48 |
|
4 |
R. Kella |
c Dobner b Hoskins |
18 |
|
2 |
- |
4-51 |
|
5 |
N. Khawaja † |
run out (Timms) |
27 |
|
3 |
- |
7-105 |
|
6 |
P. Jacobs |
b Hoskins |
13 |
|
1 |
- |
5-83 |
|
7 |
P. Gregory |
lbw b Timms |
10 |
|
2 |
- |
6-102 |
|
8 |
A. Symons |
c Emerson b Timms |
6 |
|
1 |
- |
9-122 |
|
9 |
N. H. R. Wyatt |
b Howarth |
8 |
|
1 |
- |
8-120 |
|
10 |
R. Blatchford |
b Howarth |
1 |
|
- |
- |
10-122 |
|
11 |
K. Ponsford |
not out |
0 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
W6, LB2, B1 |
9 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 34.1 overs) |
122 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Reeves |
7 |
3 |
12 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Roberts |
6 |
0 |
27 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Smith |
6 |
0 |
31 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
Hoskins |
7 |
0 |
25 |
3 |
|
|
5 |
Timms |
5 |
1 |
16 |
2 |
|
|
6 |
Howarth |
3.1 |
1 |
7 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. Emerson |
run out |
20 |
(18) |
2 |
- |
2-27 |
|
2 |
M. T. Westmoreland |
c Harden b Wyatt |
1 |
(9) |
- |
- |
1-18 |
|
3 |
R. J. B. Hadfield |
b Symons |
14 |
(15) |
3 |
- |
3-37 |
|
4 |
S. L. P. Dobner † |
lbw b Harden |
14 |
(39) |
2 |
- |
4-58 |
|
5 |
J. W. Pearson |
not out |
49 |
(80) |
4 |
- |
- |
|
6 |
I. Howarth |
not out |
25 |
(38) |
3 |
- |
- |
|
7 |
M. K. Reeves |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
8 |
T. P. W. Smith |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
J. D. Hoskins |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
G. J. Timms * |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
C. D. Roberts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
W1, B1 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 4 wickets, 33.1 overs) |
125 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Symons |
7 |
2 |
24 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Wyatt |
7 |
3 |
18 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Harden |
7 |
0 |
29 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Blatchford |
5 |
0 |
19 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Gregory |
3 |
1 |
10 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Ponsford |
2 |
0 |
14 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Penhallurick |
2.1 |
0 |
10 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: J. W. Pearson Champagne Moment: M. K. Reeves’
reactionary caught and bowled Buffet
Award: T. P. W. Smith’s egg
mayonnaise sandwiches (seeded buns) |
Opposition:
V009 / 19 Ground: G008 / 09 Captain: C022 / 30 |