“Smug”

Match: 16 / 405

Won by 12 runs

Team	Total
FFTMCC	133
L. Ainsworth 58, I. Howarth 41
Astons CC	121
A. Darley 3 - 19, D. Emerson 2 - 14

If you were approaching Aston Tirrold this Sunday from the direction of Clifton Hampden (below), then please skip to the final paragraph of this report as there was no cricket played. If however, you travelled to this leafy little ground from a different orientation, then please read on….

In summary: match winning performances came from Messrs A. Darley, D. Emerson and J. Newman-Robson. Whilst the latter two names will most likely prompt a sagely nod of the head, the inclusion of one Andrew Darley will most likely prompt a re-read of the line above. Darley? What… Andrew Darley? Yes, Andrew No-Middle-Name Darley – still the most expensive transfer in MAD history back in 2008, swapping the colours of OU Offices for the Marylebone-inspired reds and yellows of the Far from the MCC.

A maddening frustration for Captains past and present, this enigmatic, infinitely popular and uniquely gifted individual, with bat or ball I might add, has serially failed to deliver – whenever he’s played, which hasn’t been very often. Nobody knows why he’s never been the player The MAD splashed their cash on, least of all Andrew. In fact, Sigmund Freud would be fucked trying to evaluate him. But here, some 8 years and 3 months after his Duntisbourne Abbots debut, he finally laid claim to his first MOTM award following one of the most laughable batting dismissals in living memory. Erm… what? But let’s firstly rewind the day….

Marcus Trescothick takes guard.

In absence of Mr Timms, who duly arrived before the match started to imbed himself amongst the locals and score, Mr Turner took on the responsibility of losing the toss. Predictably done, The Mad were then predictably asked to bat on a soft featherbed of a wicket that had sweated under a tarpaulin over the past few days. It predictably proved hard to score on too, with Turner (3) joining Emerson (7) back in the hutch in the eleventh over. Dave’s dismissal owing more to his inability to stretch his legs.

Playing a different game to everyone else, a resurgent Mr Ainsworth (58) made a welcome return to form, before sadly perishing following a rain delay at 90 for 2 – lobbing some crap from S. Smith (7-1-29-1) to a waiting D. Barlow on the long leg boundary. That left his less fluent partner, I. Howarth, to shepherd the middle and lower order in achieving their projected mathematical total of 160 to 180. A fair summation given the wickets in hand.

Emerson (batting) is better at hitting than running.

Less than half an hour later, Tall ‘Bob’ Roberts (5*) was dragging his bat dolefully back to the pavilion after Howarth (41) failed to adhere to his own advice of batting the overs out. During a quite pitiful collapse, Skipper R. Smith returned the quite disbelievable figures of 3.1-0-7-6, with murmurs of discontent regarding a “moon ball” being aired. The “moon ball” for the unacquainted is a delivery thrown high into orbit which lands at a steep trajectory in front of the batsman. It’s like pie, but not pie, but in all honesty a simple method of playing it constitutes walking down the pitch, in line with it, and swatting it on the full. If you miss it, any LBW would be bordering on the ridiculous and most likely preface a punch up. As it was, The MAD innings capitulated on 133 including a badling of ducks. J Webster (7) swung across the line protesting he was “trying to play straight”, whilst Smith (0), Darley (0) and Carter (0) were all “mooned”. Reeves (0) ended a stellar year with the bat by giving catching practice, with Mr Newman (6) also failing to heed Howarth’s earlier advice.

A special doff of The MAD baggy to Mr Kilcoyne – Aston’s technical genius behind the above live footage.

A muted atmosphere at tea was enlivened by R. P. Turner’s demolition of a whole black forest gateaux – a clear indication that a sudden upturn in team morale was linked to his BMI index. He followed this up with a stirring team talk before throwing the ball to Mr Newman. John (7-0-26-2) would then repay his skipper’s trust by nipping out the vital wicket of J Shea (34) and by doing so opened half a door. Perhaps smarting from another aberration at poker the evening before, coupled with a lamentable effort with the bat, that door was booted yet further open by one A. Darley – whose spell of 7-0-19-3 was as revelatory as it was long overdue.

There are two guns in the Astons batting line-up and with Shea gone attention turned to R Smith (26). Could he cope? For a while yes, but at 112-5 his obsession with not getting out to work colleague D Emerson (2-0-14-2) muddled his brain. Caught and bowled. Send off complete by way of a nice little gesture to the stump cam. A replay maybe by way of an upcoming AGM.

Captain Smug.

With Reeves (5-0-18-1) and Ainsworth (1.3-0-2-1) wrapping up the tail, victory to The MAD by a margin of just 12 runs. Smug doesn’t do it justice. This was an uber-smug feeling. An excessive, self-congratulatory, puffed up, superior pride in oneself that is normally only reserved for MAD smugmeister James William Pearson. Gosh, how he missed out on this one.

Final paragraph: following a drink at the pub the teams went home.

‘I. C .C Panel’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Astons CC Played at Aston Tirrold, 28 August 2016 Astons CC won the toss and elected to field Far from the MCC won by 12 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

16 / 405 35 over match

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	D. Emerson	run out (Barlow/Eaglestone)	7	(20)	-	-	1-8
2	L. G. Ainsworth	c Barlow b S. Smith	58	(73)	9	-	3-90
3	R. P. Turner *	c and b Dew	3	(17)	-	-	2-29
4	I. Howarth	c and b R. A. Smith	41	(53)	7	-	10-133
5	J. vdG. Webster	b R. A. Smith	7	(16)	1	-	4-108
6	T. P. W. Smith	c Shea b R. A. Smith	0	(1)	-	-	5-108
7	M. K. Reeves	c Barlow b R. A. Smith	0	(5)	-	-	6-116
8	A. Darley	hit wicket b R. A. Smith	0	(2)	-	-	7-116
9	G. Carter †	b R. A. Smith	0	(1)	-	-	8-116
10	J. Newman-Robson	c Kilcoyne b Barlow	6	(9)	-	-	9-127
11	C. D. Roberts	not out	5	(3)	1	-	-
	Extras	NB1, W3, LB1, B1	6
	TOTAL	(all out, 33.1 overs)	133

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Dew	7	2	9	1
2	Kilcoyne	6	0	26	0
3	S. Smith	7	1	29	1
4	Barlow	3	0	20	1
5	Ray	7	1	40	0
6	R.A. Smith	3.1	0	7	6

Team	Astons CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	J. Shea	c Reeves b Newman-Robson	34	(54)	5	-	3-64
2	R. Harris	c Smith b Newman-Robson	0	(4)	-	-	1-13
3	R. Griffiths	c Turner b Darley	18	(39)	3	-	2-50
4	R. Eaglestone †	b Darley	6	(15)	-	-	4-69
5	R. A. Smith *	c and b Emerson	26	(31)	2	-	7-112
6	D. Barlow	c Smith b Darley	2	(2)	-	-	5-72
7	D. Kilcoyne	c Darley b Emerson	12	(26)	2	-	6-112
8	B. Ray	b Reeves	6	(10)	1	-	8-120
9	T. Dew	not out	1	(8)	-	-	-
10	S. Smith	b Ainsworth	0	(2)	-	-	9-121
11
	Extras	NB3, W5, LB2, B6	16
	TOTAL	(all out, 31.3 overs)	121

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Newman-Robson	7	0	26	2
2	Roberts	5	0	18	0
3	Darley	7	0	19	3
4	Reeves	5	0	18	1
5	Smith	4	0	17	0
6	Emerson	2	0	14	2
7	Ainsworth	1.3	0	2	1

MOTM: A. Darley Champagne Moment: T. P. W. Smith’s one-handed back-peddling catch (Barlow) Buffet Award: D. Emerson’s chicken tarka dal (extra coriander)

Opposition: V046 / 16 Ground: G035 / 11 Captain: C024 / 11