“Bowled Over”

Match: 16 / 385

Lost by 23 runs

Team	Total
St Clements Strollers CC	128 - 4
J. Pearson 2 - 9
FFTMCC	103 - 9
I. Howarth 23*, D. Shorten 21

At the end of a pulsating slogfest in the sleepy and affluent village of Appleton, Skipper Dave Shorten sprinted onto the pitch to celebrate a stunning victory with his two undefeated batsmen, Messrs Howarth and Webster. “Wow, guys! Our hearts were really in our mouths there. Jan, for god’s sake, man – what were you thinking by hitting that one in the air? Jesus. Thank god he dropped it.”

Earlier in the evening, after securing the toss for a home tie at the non-home of Appleton, Lego had decreed a 50 retirement law for batsmen and an extra special law which stipulated a team registering no dismissals by way of caught would be declared the winner. An odd ruling, but one that would prove very prophetic.

Dodgy dealings: Shorten and N. Warry at the toss.

St Clements soon hit their straps with Howarth (4-0-27-0) politely asking his field to retrieve the ball from the nearby sewerage works. Shorten (4-0-11-0) was far tidier, nay miserly, but it would be the Non-Flying Dutchman*, Webster (3-0-15-1), who did for opener Buchanan (7) with a delightfully disguised googly. On dismissal the batsman was heard to quip “well nobody told me he was bowling bloody googlies….” To be fair, nobody knew he was – even Jan himself. Champagne indeed.

The tonking would now enter the fulcrum of thrashing with J. Higgs (52 ret) disturbing some crow’s nest at deep square cow. In fact, he disturbed several crow’s nests as T. Smith (2-0-23-0) and N. Hill (2-0-33-2) were torn asunder. The elongated C. Roberts (2-0-7-0) was far more economical, but not with his catching – another on the floor.

Into the championship rounds, and a potentially pivotal moment, as Mr. Pearson is launched into the evening’s warm blue skies. A four? A six? Er, neither actually, Mr Shorten clinging on to a beauty at deep longest, furthest mid-on, to remove the enterprising T. Pickford for a cavalier 31. James (3-0-9-2) would then wrap things up smartly, allied with a Bullock run out, as The Strollers topped out on a more than useful 128-4.

Half time. Beer time. Fag time.

During the interval, Captain Shorten made clear his earlier dictatorship by stating “play with no fear, men! Smash them to hell – but don’t you dare get caught!” With those words echoing in their less than receptive ears, The MAD then summarily collapsed into ignominy at 22-5, with Turner (5), Hotson (3), Carter (0), Hill (2) and Roberts (2) all reporting for extra homework on conclusion of the match.

Sensing impending calamity, nay insufferable embarrassment, Shorten (21) began unfurling a few of those bullish tonks that only builders can tonk – even a push one at that. MAD fortunes on the turn? Not so, as ageing pieman P. Rogers’ (1-0-13-1) first ball of a marathon fourteen ball over landed outside leg and somehow bobbled / dribbled / rolled onto the stumps. Those construction enhanced shoulders of Shorten were now put to task by launching his bat at Giant Duck’s head. 50-6.

Turner tucking into something he loves more than pies – square leg.

Further wickets would now tumble as the familiar face of one T. Crowe (4-0-6-3) enjoyed himself immensely, particularly in the fading light, and particularly on his own pitch I might add. Smith (8), Bullock (5) and Pearson (2) all gone. 94-9.

Shorten, still agonising over the worst and most inept dismissal since cricket was invented, slumped forwards in his plastic chair. “For fuck’s sake, fucking fuck and fuck….” He then sat bolt upright – alarmed. “Scorer! Scorer! Have we all been bowled?

A check of the scorebook would confirm the suspicion – 9 wickets had fallen and not a single catch to be seen.

“Bloody hell! So if these two can just avoid being caught – we win – because I ruddy well caught one! Blimey. C’mon guys – use your heads!!!”

Rare footage of Tall Bob (batting) with pads on at the crease.

With Howarth (23*) somehow landing a 9-iron into a copse of grass populated by four Clement fielders, and Webster (5*) spiralling one to the buttery hands of Buchanan, the overs ticked by. With the last two balls stoically defended – The MAD had won!

Amazing, fantastic, brilliant. A famous win under the strangest of rules.

* - A reference to Jan’s inability to leave the ground when diving for a catch.

‘Barry Owled’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus St Clements Strollers CC Played at Appleton, 24 May 2016 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field St Clements Strollers CC won by 23 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

16 / 385 20 over match

Team	St Clements Strollers CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	J. Higgs	retired	52		2	5	-
2	R. Buchanan	b Webster	7		-	1	1-17
3	T. Pickford	c Shorten b Pearson	31		4	1	2-102
4	S. Warry	b Pearson	16		1	-	3-122
5	N. Warry *	not out	8		1	-	-
6	R. Finch	run out (Bullock)	2		-	-	4-128
7	P. Rogers
8	H. Carter †
9	P. Brennan
10	T. Crowe
11	B. Phillips
	Extras	W8, LB2, B2	12
	TOTAL	(for 4 wickets, 20 overs)	128

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Shorten	4	2	11	0
2	Howarth	4	0	27	0
3	Webster	3	0	15	1
4	Roberts	2	0	7	0
5	Smith	2	0	23	0
6	Hill	2	0	33	0
7	Pearson	3	0	9	2

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. P. Turner	b S. Warry	5	(10)	-	-	1-14
2	J. C. W. Hotson	b Crowe	3	(12)	-	-	3-16
3	G. Carter	b N. Warry	0	(4)	-	-	2-15
4	N. S. Hill	b Finch	2	(3)	-	-	4-18
5	T. P. W. Smith	b Finch	8	(14)	1	-	7-63
6	C. D. Roberts	b Crowe	2	(6)	-	-	5-22
7	D. Shorten *	b Rogers	21	(15)	2	1	6-50
8	I. Howarth	not out	23	(23)	2	-	-
9	M. Bullock †	b N. Warry	5	(16)	-	-	8-82
10	J. W. Pearson	b Crowe	2	(8)	-	-	9-94
11	J. vdG. Webster	not out	5	(9)	-	-	-
	Extras	W13, LB5, B11	29
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 20 overs)	105

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	S. Warry	4	0	16	1
2	N. Warry	4	0	8	2
3	Crowe	4	0	6	3
4	Finch	4	0	27	2
5	Rogers	1	0	13	1
6	Higgs	3	0	20	0

MOTM: I. Howarth Champagne Moment: J. vdG. Webster’s wicket with a googly Buffet Award: N. Hill’s downright undercooked Value buns (no cheese)

Opposition: V052 / 06 Ground: G042 / 12 Captain: C016 / 15