Far from the MCC fines 29.05.16 v Isis CC (a) won by 34 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Psycho	Jihadying Isis	“I like slaughtering them.”
	Smug
	Intimidating bevaiour	Glowering at fielders
	Excessive creaking	His limbs
	Wild throwing of ball
	HARB DK THT ?!?	(no fucking idea what this is??)
			£1.50
Darley	Playing cricket
	Dissing / cursing own batsmen	Desperately wants a bat (now sulking)
	Vaping on the pitch	Trying to be cool
	Impersonating Bob	Padded up and not batting
	Batting avoidance
	Dissing luddites
	Imprisoned avoidance	Not getting locked in the back of Russ’ 4x4
			£1.75
Lego	Opening bowler not opening the bowling
	Excessive rabbit chat	Going on for what seemed like a decade about some fucking bunny rabbits that had escaped somewhere on Boars Hill that were probably going to be executed by something with massive teeth and horrible eyes… etc etc… bla bla bla… poor kids having to be exposed to that… Watership Down… etc… Jesus Christ will it ever ever fucking end….
	Impersonating a Neo Nazi	New razor sharp haircut with small moustache
	Midge avoidance	His dog
	Wearing a watch	Throughout the match
	Wearing a ring	Throughout the match
	Grumbling and whinging – particularly about “another shit dismissal”	Throughout the match
			£1.75
Spam	Throwing the ball at Lego’s head	Direct hit
	Average protection
	Arguing with Fines Committee
	Running a 3…	…on a smooth outfield made for boundaries
	Lack of fitness	Out of breath halfway through innings again
	Zimmer frame avoidance
			£1.50
Mike R	Stealing…	…catches from Lego
	Rising from the dead	Hypochondriac avoidance
	Opening bowler no wicket		50p
	Drop		50p
	Smug
	Utilising pink tape	For injuries
			£2.00
Emerson	Comedy fielding	As ever
	Drop x 2		£1
	Bringing the Club into Disrepute* - with awful bat throwing escapade	(* - Ruled on by Skipper)	£2.50
	Massive sulk
	Bowling warm up	Whilst umpiring
	Signalling avoidance	Assuming the scorer can read his mind
	Excessive coolness	Wearing sunglasses whilst umpiring
			£4.75
Jan	Grounding bat avoidance	Awful running between the wickets
	Bringing the Club into Disrepute* - with awful bat throwing escapade	(* - Ruled on by Skipper)	£2.50
	Arguing with the umpire	See above
	Ball watching
	Using a cursed bat	“This fucker never scores anything.”
	Massive cob		50p
			£4.00
Jake	Poor equipment	Gimp mask falling apart
	Drop		50p
	Cut-off short avoidance
	Out-gimped
			£1.25
Geoff	Impersonating Lee…	…in appearance whilst batting
	Wasting power plays
	Chauffeuring the ball…	…whilst fielding
	Overarm throw avoidance
	Trendsetting	#1 haircut at barbers (copied by several other team mates)
	Zimmer frame avoidance
			£1.50
Lee	Being mistaken for an OAP	Likeness to Geoff whilst batting
	Half arsed	Searching for ball lost in bushes
	Hangover (from Common People)	Whilst batting
	Excessive grumbling	Throughout the match
	Asking for a Shandy after game	Instead of a “proper” drink
	Turning up miserable	Before match
	Excessive chuntering	Throughout the match
	Bitching	About moving sightscreens
			£2.00
Gary T	Arguing with Fines Committee
	Tight as fuck	Not emulating Skipper Homer and buying the team a drink each for winning
	Impersonating Dave Emerson	Alcoholic glow
	Impersonating Dave Emerson	Smelling of alcohol
	Batting out of character	Hitting the ball
	5-for avoidance
	Average protection
	Impersonating Daniel Sturridge	Hypochondria (feigned knee injury)
			£2.00
		TOTAL	£24.00

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership < 25 Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Uber (anything) – particularly arrogant, smug or condescending	£0.50
Extreme (anything) – particularly Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£1.00
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute* (* - Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00*
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2