“It’s Not Barbados, oh no,

We Love it!”

Match: 17 / 439

Lost by 30 runs

Team	Total
Bridgetown CC	191 - 9
M. Westmoreland 4 - 19, J. Hoskins 3 - 37
FFTMCC	161 - 9
L. Ainsworth 59, A. Darley 18

In 2008, The Telegraph whittled down over a hundred entries to find Britain’s best village cricket ground. Picturesque, quirky, bucolic, The MAD wriggled along twisted B-roads to the eventual winner of the survey, Bridgetown CC in the Exmoor National Park. It is the eccentric detail that won this little ground the prize, accessible by a wooden footbridge over the river Exe, the ground slopes up towards a far bank where a quaint, thatched pavilion surveys the scene. Endlessly charming in that quintessentially English type of way, showers are non-existent and a chemical shitter caters for all your toiletry needs behind a wall of trees.

With thoughts of returning to civilised life, the last day of Tour is always a slightly melancholy affair, even more so with Chairman Bullock sidelined by a venomous mosquito bite, OAP Carter cramped in his wheelchair, and Mr Reeves taking time out to do that time-honoured parental thing where you fake interest in their lives in the hope of securing their inheritance. Those of a non-sombre disposition would be the non-playing, non-driving, pub friendly alcoholics making a mess of the scorebook.

Having had a quite woeful Tour on the field, it was a given that Tour Cherry, Jon ‘Double-Barrel’ Robson, would be handed the captain’s armband (always kick a man when he’s down). In perhaps his first success, nay only success, he actually succeeded in winning the toss. Well done Jon, we knew you’d come good eventually, erm… just why are we fielding first?

Jon (left) tries some synchronised Minehead dancing.

Invited into bat, Bridgetown CC demonstrated what is customary in these evocative surrounds and that is to tee off and hit as many balls into the river Exe as possible. L Smith (40) smacked a few, J Webber (49) and H Gliddon (50) did too, but the real fun was downstream, watching players hooking the sodden ball into a net as it bobbed on by. Sagely MAD advice forthcoming: give St Giles Fair a miss guys, Hook-A-Duck has nothing on this.

Bowling was generally good under siege, with Darley (7-1-29-0) and Shorten (7-2-16-0) holding their line admirably, whilst Pearson (7-0-46-0) and Williams (7-0-39-1) persevered with a ball that now swelled at the seam. After 28 overs and what felt like an entire afternoon of largely unchanged, uniformly medium repetition, the stage was now set for total chaos….

In the final seven overs of pie and schizoid wobblers, Hoskins (4-0-37-3) visited the river thrice but had three held in the deep, whilst Westmoreland (3-0-19-4) opted to avoid the river, still got whacked, had some minor yips and also took a wicket. Actually, Moo took four of them, cementing himself as both The MAD’s premier strike-rate bowler of 2017 and also the most underbowled. He could’ve had a five-for to be fair (try saying that when pissed), but the umpires had issues with counting the balls bowled (5 is 6 in these parts apparently). It was all gladdening times for those in the galleries and plenty for Mike to discuss at length with his parents. Bridgetown done and dusted on 191-9.

Mike (with hoodie, sunglasses atop) talking his way into some real estate.

The tea interval was served from a wooden board balanced precariously on the pavilion terracing. Trying manfully to avoid any spillages and player-domino rallies, you got to scoff back on some quality tucker and take in the untainted beauty all around. Bottles of local cider were doled out by the non-driving, non-playing pisshead contingent, with entertainment provided by R Turner somersaulting down the incline and giving his best Mike Ashley impressions. This half hour period of unencumbered life seemed to typify all that is wonderful about Tour, is it really another twelve month wait…?

Having got hangovers and the abstract fielding out the way, our intrepid tourists could now relax back and watch their batsman made a complete arse of things. Howarth (16) and Hotson (7) again opened, failing again to swap ends, but at least troubling the scorers and at least hitting one into the river. Turner (15) occupied the crease without ever finding his teeth, whereas Pearson (3), Shorten (3), Newman (5) and Williams (3) simply weren’t… very good. At the other end, Mr Ainsworth (59) was very good, and for the umpteenth time in as many games, The MAD were indebted to the one guy who seems to covet his wicket with any kind of love. It goes without saying he moaned about fatigue throughout, and goes without saying his performance was immeasurably better for not sleeping rough on a hotel floor.

Ainsworth takes aim at river Exe.

With little to no chance of actually winning the game, a cavalier virtuoso slog by A Darley (18 off 8 balls) gave the romantics a lift, as did Hoskins (10*) whose champagne six into the pavilion actually needed to clear it, one of those delightful little rules only applicable to this one delightful little club.

With Westmoreland (8*) protecting his non-average and overs having elapsed, and The MAD having lost and Tour essentially over, it was time for the non-driving, non-playing pissheads to try and persuade the driving, playing, non-pissed pissheads to stay on and drink awhile. Their rationale was flawed yet sound, Bridgetown were wonderful hosts on this day and we will take many happy memories and a billion photos back with us.

Here’s to next year, guys. This Tour to the West Country was easily one of the best and many thanks to all those who made it happen. Should any of our opposition actually read this (do they ever?) and want to Tour the green fields of Oxfordshire, they will be warmly received.

‘Spam’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Bridgetown CC Played at Bridgetown, Minehead, 6 August 2017 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field Bridgetown CC won by 30 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

17 / 439 35 over match

Team	Bridgetown CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	L. Smith	c Darley b Shorten	40	(43)	5	2	1-46
2	D. Cross	lbw b Williams	5	(45)	-	-	2-69
3	J. Webber	c Newman-Robson b Hoskins	49	(51)	6	1	4-169
4	H. Gliddon †*	c Shorten b Westmoreland	50	(43)	6	2	3-144
5	C. Gliddon	c Shorten b Westmoreland	20	(9)	3	1	5-170
6	J. White	b Westmoreland	0	(1)	-	-	7-182
7	M. Hillier	c Pearson b Hoskins	4	(2)	1	-	6-182
8	T. Gill	not out	14	(11)	1	1	-
9	A. Lang	b Westmoreland	0	(2)	-	-	8-185
10	A. Richards	c Newman-Robson b Hoskins	1	(3)	-	-	9-190
11	K. Cross	not out	1	(1)	-	-	-
	Extras	NB1, W1, LB2, B3	7
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 35 overs)	191

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Darley	7	1	29	0	4.14
2	Shorten	7	2	16	1	2.29
3	Pearson	7	0	46	0	6.57
4	Williams	7	0	39	1	5.57
5	Hoskins	4	0	37	3	9.25
6	Westmoreland	3	0	19	4	6.33

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	I. Howarth	c Gill b Richards	16	(12)	2	1	1-20
2	J. C. W. Hotson	c H. Glidden b White	7	(22)	1	-	2-43
3	L. G. Ainsworth	c Gill b Lang	59	(72)	6	2	8-122
4	R. P. Turner	c Smith b Gill	15	(38)	3	-	3-88
5	J. W. Pearson	b Gill	3	(11)	-	-	4-99
6	D. Shorten	run out	3	(10)	-	-	5-110
7	J. Newman-Robson *	b Lang	5	(6)	1	-	6-116
8	C. T. J. Williams	c Webber b Lang	3	(6)	-	-	7-122
9	M. T. Westmoreland †	not out	8	(16)	1	-	-
10	A. Darley †	c H. Glidden b Lang	18	(8)	4	-	9-140
11	J. D. Hoskins	not out	10	(9)	1	1	-
	Extras	W9, LB3, B2	14
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 35 overs)	161

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Richards	7	0	46	1	6.57
2	White	7	2	23	1	3.29
3	Cross	6	1	12	0	2.00
4	Gill	5	0	29	2	5.80
5	C. Gliddon	5	1	11	0	2.20
6	Lang	5	0	36	4	7.20

MOTM: M. T. Westmoreland Champagne Moment: J. D. Hoskins’ non-six into the clubhouse Buffet Award: J. D. Hoskins’ prosecco jelly (with Sambuca soufflés) MAD Moment: n/a

Opposition: V096 / 01 Ground: G087 / 01 Captain: C029 / 01 Match No: 35 / 155