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“Pointless Discussions as Tour Party Announced

 

 

Match:  17 / 435

Match Abandoned

 

 

Team

 

Total

Islip CC

130 - 7

L. Ainsworth  3 - 17,  G. Timms  2 - 21

 

FFTMCC

 

 

 

 

After Friday evening’s overly optimistic discussion and denouement that it was worth starting a game of cricket when it was clearly not, Sunday’s match borrowed that scintillating script and ran with it. In fairness, it was a tough one to call, with most weather apps disagreeing over rain from 1630 onwards or heavy rain from roughly 1645 onwards. Regardless, the considered opinion of The MAD was to deconsider these meteorological scientists and their informative websites, and go with a pint and a prayer.

 

Following an overnight deluge, Howarth answered a plea from the groundsman to come and check out the strip. It was soggy at both ends where it had crept under the covers, but with some early afternoon sunshine things would dry and out and everything would be wonderful in the world, wouldn’t it? Of course, because it always is, isn’t it?

 

 

 

 

With the Whitehouse pub finally deciding it wanted to open for business, presumably under the novel imagining of taking some money, players arriving early for a game that had no hope of finishing sat around a table reminiscing about tours past. A stimulating pastime for all those with absolutely no recollection whatsoever, who either weren’t there, weren’t even a part of the club, or are in the initial throes of Alzheimer’s….

 

With Captain Timms winning the toss, a sizeable but disparate Islip entourage would watch their batsmen steadily accumulate but with no great haste. Newman (7-1-13-0) bowled well with a hangover, his nominal pastel pink a darker shade of rouge, complemented by the swing of the vertiginous Roberts* (7-2-18-1), who certainly did enough to merit inclusion on Tour. They were backed up by the evergreen Reeves (5-0-18-1) and the everbearded Timms (5-0-21-2), who on another day would probably have done exactly the same as they did here.

 

Catching on the whole was woeful, with standout moments of ineptitude coming from Timms and a disparaging Howarth. Whilst Gary’s blunders could maybe put down to… actually nothing, they were completely shit, Howarth seems oblivious to his ailing ability in the field, relying on the catchphrase “I’ve got a good arm” to paper over the yawning chasm of “once was”.

 

 

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With cloud cover now becoming increasingly more prominent and temperatures tumbling pre-pissdown, Rundle (6-0-40-0) and Ainsworth (5-0-17-3) would complete the overs to restrict the visitors to 130-7. Whilst Lee was largely on the money, Psycho bowled to a man who could only hoik to mid wicket with a vacant mid wicket.

 

Howarth’s stellar weekend was about to reach its nadir at this point, with rain now tumbling from the heavens and erasing any memories of what has thus been a fairly decent summer. Having done pretty much fuck all other than grass a sitter and get sodden over the past few days, he commandeered Reeves to help shift the scoring table to the sanctuary of the pavilion. He was especially thankful to the Islip entourage, who felt obliged to watch on in a catatonic torpor and ensure his holy bible (The MAD scorebook) was reduced to a squidgy mess.

 

Tea was workmanlike as you would expect from someone trying manfully to come under budget and pay for his next trip out to Colorado. Respect where it’s due though, Mr Reeves certainly takes full credit for all his missus’ endeavours.

 

 

 

Tall Bob and Little Bob discuss water tables.

 

 

With every app on the planet now indicating rain was a 99-100% certainty until close of day, an ensemble of weather ignorant cricketers now stood in the centre of the pitch in animated discussion. They were soon joined by the groundsman who shook his head disbelievingly as covers were removed just in time for the next monsoon splashdown. Sanity eventually prevailed and for only the third time in MAD history, a second consecutive match was abandoned to the elements. Chris Williams and Russ Turner then removed their batting attire, perhaps wondering why the fuck they’d bothered in the first place. Throughout the entire protracted drama of do-we-or-don’t-we-gate, Reeves sat impassively in the changing room with his back to the idiocy, gazing into his iPhone as Howarth could be heard moaning audibly to anyone who wouldn’t listen.

 

So that’s about it, the FFTMCC are woefully underprepared for Tour, being on perhaps the worst run of form in living memory, albeit unbeaten in the last two. Lifts have been organised (we think), hotel rooms booked (to someone’s knowledge) and wives and girlfriends have been placated (to the best of my knowledge).

 

There is absolutely, positively, nothing that can go possibly wrong in the coming week….

 

 

 

The FFTMCC 2017 Tour squad in full:

 

 

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Ainsworth, L G  (btsm, bwl, moaner)

Bullock, M  (btsm, wckt, pub guide)

Carter, G  (btsm, wckt, schitzophrenic)

Darley, A  (btsm, bwl, deluded)

Hoskins, J D  (bwl, bookie)

Hotson, J C W  (btsm, wckt, insomniac)

Howarth, I  (btsm, bwl, moaner)

Newman-Robson, J  (drinker, bwl)

Pearson, J W  (btsm, bwl, sleeper)

Reeves, M K  (btsm, bwl, under used wckt)

Roberts, C D*  (drinker, tall bwl)

Rundle, M S  (likely injured)

Shorten, D  (dog keeper, not skipper)

Timms, G J  (bwl, not skipper)

Turner, R P  (pizza)

Westmoreland, M T  (likely injured)

Williams, C T J  (btsm, bwl)

 

 

* - Latest Newsflash: Chris Roberts (aka Lennie) may not be touring due to work commitments. We hope this situation can be resolved so Howarth (George) has someone to sleep with on the boundary.

 

 

 

‘Saga Holidays’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Islip CC

Played at Brasenose College, 30 July 2017

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field

Match Abandoned

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

17 / 435

 

 

 

 

 

35 over match

 

 

 

Team

Islip CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

Aiden

c Westmoreland b Roberts

12

 

1

-

1-25

2

A. Rehman

b Timms

26

 

3

-

2-57

3

C. Thompson

st Hotson b Timms

19

 

2

-

4-72

4

B. Deeley

c Hotson b Reeves

3

 

-

-

3-62

5

A. Amman

c Timms b Ainsworth

36

 

3

1

6-107

6

M. Saghir

c Williams b Ainsworth

2

 

-

-

5-75

7

H. Brock

b Ainsworth

6

 

-

-

7-119

8

B. Crawford

not out

6

 

-

-

-

9

K. Crawford

not out

9

 

1

-

-

10

L. Bennett-Jones

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

S. Nelson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

NB1, W6, LB1, B3

11

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 7 wickets, 35 overs)

130

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Newman-Robson

7

1

13

0

1.86

 

2

Roberts

7

2

18

1

2.57

 

3

Reeves

5

0

18

1

3.60

 

4

Timms

5

0

21

2

4.20

 

5

Rundle

6

0

40

0

6.67

 

6

Ainsworth

5

0

17

3

3.40

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

R. P. Turner

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

C. T. J. Williams

 

 

 

 

 

 

3

M. T. Westmoreland

 

 

 

 

 

 

4

I. Howarth

 

 

 

 

 

 

5

L. G. Ainsworth

 

 

 

 

 

 

6

J. C. W. Hotson †

 

 

 

 

 

 

7

G. J. Timms *

 

 

 

 

 

 

8

M. K. Reeves

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

J. Newman-Robson

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

M. S. Rundle

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

C. D. Roberts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  L. G. Ainsworth

Champagne Moment:  C. T. J. Williams’ juggling catch at long off

Buffet Award:  M. S. Rundle’s baked vanilla and lemon cheesecake (blueberry compote)

MAD Moment:  n/a

 

 

Opposition:  V078 / 06

Ground:  G040 / 61

Captain:  C022 / 63

Match No:  35 / 153