“Oriel Slaughter for Debutant MAD”
Match: 17
/ 413
Lost
by 21 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
OUP |
232 - 5 |
|
J. Hoskins 2 - 28 |
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FFTMCC |
211 - 6 |
|
I. Howarth 53, M. Westmoreland 41 |
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|
On the weekend when a
ransomware virus crippled every computer on Mother Earth, the Far from the
MCC were indulging a good old-fashioned thumping in a match that nearly never
happened. In the weeks leading up to the game, OUP mastermind Judas Webster
was mindful of having neither a ground nor any players. Jordan Hill was now
the exclusive property of Oxford CC whilst the playing staff of the academic
publishing house couldn’t give a fuck. In the end, he found a department of
Indian guns-for-hire, a bloke who could give it a right bloody humping and a keeper
who was matey with the Oriel bursar. Game on.
“Grandad” is out of shot somewhere, Reevsie. Nice
sledge by the way. After securing the toss
and electing to run off a hangover in the field, Skipper Timms watched agog
as OUP did their upmost to ruin their own day. V Komeneim ran himself out for
a platinum duck, before Westmoreland spurned his own MAD record for catches
in a match, grassing a dozen before snaffling the most difficult. Somehow
amidst the chaos, Roberts (6-1-26-0) went wicketless, dropping a few himself
before slaloming past batsmen, trees and a housing
estate to get under a steepler. Stood with his arms folded sporting a stupid fucking grin, this particular chance simply plopped on the
floor about three yards from Keeper Carter’s bootlaces. Another
breathtakingly idiotic run out and two spoons to Bullock at slip left OUP tottering
on 91-5. It’s been a reasonable while
since The MAD were treated to a good, resolute thrashing and having played
himself in for a few balls, Mr B. Bollig* manhandled Hoskins (7-1-28-2) over
long on with the kind of disdain Caligula would brush off a cheap shag following
an eight course meal. It was certainly no slog, travelling some 700km,
reaching an altitude of 2,000km and landing in the sea west of Japan. It
served notice, and with bowling economies now spiking, squirrels ran for
cover as Emerson hurdled a brook to retrieve one from Oxford Golf Club. With
echoes of Tetsworth 2009 now imbuing the air, Reeves (5-0-21-0) cowardly made
way for Timms, the latter holding the ball aloft following a sublime four
over fifty. This left Pearson (7-0-52-1), Bullock (3-0-28-0) and Howarth
(3-0-16-0) to provide the yoghurt parfait as OUP’s number six batsman
hammered 125 not out which included fifteen 4s, seven 6s and not a spare ball
to twat. That’s what happens if you can’t turn up on time*.
Textbook forward defensive technique from Dave
Emerson. A Romanesque spread
during the tea interval had Turner questioning why he was required to bat. Surely
he could just relax among the tables of stacked sandwiches, chow down and
watch his teammates knock off the 233 runs for victory? Sorry, Russ. Perhaps mindful of the EU
food mountain back in the clubhouse, Russ (21) and Emerson (31) gave The MAD
reply a shot of adrenalin before perishing to shit shots after a fifty run partnership.
Their good work on a spongy wicket was continued by Westmoreland (41) and
Howarth (53) whose last meaningful contribution together predates the Wisden
Almanack. Martin rediscovered the form that gets him one decent score a year
and Ian avoided last week’s fine for “batting like a cunt”. Again, both
perished to shit shots after a fifty run partnership.
Turner (batting) distracted by a ball levitating
above the bowler’s head. In a tantalising finale
that saw fortunes fluctuating between an OUP victory and an OUP victory, a
spiralling run-rate would ultimately see Pearson (14) and Reeves (9) fall on
their swords. Theirs were the dismissals in a scorebook that just say OUT, but
never a mention of the selfless acts of heroism for a cause so absurd as to
make their acts of heroism just plain stupid really. Then again, turning your
collar to the cries from the balcony to “give it a good fucking whack” would
probably go against the grain. Regardless, they were both out caught, unlike
Bullock (19*) and Timms (2*) who nobly opted to protect their averages with
collars turned up. With J. dvG. Webster
cock-a-hoop as he pulled cartwheels in the outfield (out of shot below), a
fine game in fine surrounds illuminated by one very very fine innings came to an
end. We lost.
‘Grandad’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Oxford
University Press Played at Oriel College, 14 May 2017 Far from the MCC won the toss and
elected to field Oxford University Press won by 21 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none |
17 / 413 35 over match |
|
Team |
Oxford University Press |
|
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|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
V. Komeneini |
run out (Turner/Carter) |
0 |
|
- |
- |
1-0 |
|
2 |
A. Pilluri |
run out (Emerson/Carter) |
13 |
|
1 |
- |
2-32 |
|
3 |
D. Malhotra |
c Bullock b Hoskins |
29 |
|
4 |
1 |
4-59 |
|
4 |
M. Boullé † |
c Westmoreland b Pearson |
7 |
|
1 |
- |
3-39 |
|
5 |
J. vdG. Webster * |
c Bullock b Hoskins |
10 |
|
1 |
- |
5-91 |
|
6 |
B. Bollig |
not out |
125 |
|
15 |
7 |
- |
|
7 |
K. Attili |
not out |
40 |
|
5 |
- |
- |
|
8 |
B. Coney |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
H. Ellanki |
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|
10 |
T. de Freston |
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|
11 |
C. Elliott |
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|
|
|
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|
|
|
Extras |
NB1, W4, LB1, B2 |
8 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 5 wickets, 35 overs) |
232 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Roberts |
6 |
1 |
26 |
0 |
4.33 |
|
|
2 |
Pearson |
7 |
0 |
52 |
1 |
7.43 |
|
|
3 |
Reeves |
5 |
0 |
21 |
0 |
4.20 |
|
|
4 |
Hoskins |
7 |
1 |
28 |
2 |
4.00 |
|
|
5 |
Timms |
4 |
0 |
50 |
0 |
12.50 |
|
|
6 |
Bullock |
3 |
0 |
28 |
0 |
9.33 |
|
|
7 |
Howarth |
3 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
5.33 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
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|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
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|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. Emerson |
c de Freston b Elliott |
31 |
(35) |
4 |
- |
2-65 |
|
2 |
R. P. Turner |
c and b Ellanki |
21 |
(23) |
4 |
- |
1-54 |
|
3 |
M. T. Westmoreland |
c and b Pilluri |
41 |
(40) |
6 |
- |
3-126 |
|
4 |
I. Howarth |
c Bollig b Komeneini |
53 |
(54) |
5 |
- |
5-179 |
|
5 |
J. W. Pearson |
c Bollig b Komeneini |
14 |
(20) |
1 |
- |
4-169 |
|
6 |
M. Bullock |
not out |
19 |
(20) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
7 |
M. K. Reeves |
c Atilli b Pilluri |
9 |
(10) |
1 |
- |
6-203 |
|
8 |
G. J. Timms * |
not out |
2 |
(3) |
- |
- |
- |
|
9 |
G. Carter † |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
J. D. Hoskins |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
C. D. Roberts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
NB1, W13, LB2, B5 |
21 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 6 wickets, 35 overs) |
211 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
de Freston |
7 |
0 |
37 |
0 |
5.29 |
|
|
2 |
Ellanki |
7 |
1 |
41 |
1 |
5.86 |
|
|
3 |
Elliott |
5 |
0 |
33 |
1 |
6.60 |
|
|
4 |
Pilluri |
7 |
0 |
39 |
2 |
5.57 |
|
|
5 |
Komeneini |
6 |
0 |
38 |
2 |
6.33 |
|
|
6 |
Webster |
3 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
5.33 |
|
|
MOTM: I. Howarth Champagne Moment: M. T. Westmoreland’s
catch running backwards at cow Buffet
Award: G. J. Timms’ one-pot chicken
chasseur (French bread to dip) MAD
Moment: D. Emerson’s river jumping to
retrieve the cricket ball |
Opposition:
V019 / 24 Ground: G084 / 01 Captain: C022 / 57 Match No: 35 / 148 |