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“Tallow Row Mars Horror-ific Loss

 

 

Match:  17 / 411

Lost by 19 runs

 

 

Team

 

Total

Wolvercote CC

109

J. Hoskins  3 - 18

 

FFTMCC

89 - 9

T. Smith  17*,  G. Timms  17

 

 

 

 

An acrimonious end to an evening where nobody could see each other spilled onto the front page of the local Cutteslowe Times. Club S16 Captain James Pearson was quoted as saying “it was ridiculous, that a fun evening playing cricket in the dark with your mates should be ruined by a pathetic spat over money.” Treasurer Mike Reeves defended his stance by saying “it is hardly breaking news that the paper Ł5 note is being replaced by a polymer Winston Churchill. These old notes go out of circulation on Saturday and I’m fucked if I’m exchanging everyone’s subs at the shitting bank because they can’t be bothered to pay up with legal currency.” Continuing his rant “…and to complain about the new note containing a small amount of tallow? (derived from a meat product) Hotson and Smith can shove their dirty cocaine fivers up their arse!”

 

 

 

Corporate Treasurer Mr Reeves (left) will say fuck off to paper fivers.

 

 

Bucking a recent trend in his infinite wisdom, Corporal Pearson elected to waste the modicum of time available by walking out to the wicket to lose the toss. Wolvercote had no hesitation in batting in the remaining light, and thus began their foreshortened innings by cashing in on some wayward shit from Roberts (3-1-23-1). Bowling downhill with the wind and rain on his back, Bob did pull it back to record The MAD’s first wicket at this ground since July 7, 2010. The club did play here the year after, but opted to lose to the Isis by ten wickets instead.

 

Bowling uphill into the wind and rain, Howarth (3-0-21-0) had no luck whatsoever, but did take the opportunity to have a good fucking moan. Smith grassed a sitter in his hoodie and six sweaters, whilst Reeves’ forty yard sprint to drop a clanger came minutes after he pirouetted over a casual push for four. Of course, when you’re The Club’s premier artisan with the ball, bowling uphill into worsening conditions presents no problems. A round of applause for James Hoskins’ (3-0-18-3) exemplary throwing of darts, lobbers, pies and quiche lorraine then. His rising benchmark of career MAD wickets shows no signs of slowing.  

 

 

 

Geoff Carter (batting) would hold the same pose after the ball sailed by.

 

 

With wickets at a premium, much akin to The MAD investing in new cricket balls, Wolvercote sportingly decided to run themselves out. There were four pitiful examples and the confusion was that bad even Carter had time to get in on the act. Detaching his drip and clambering off his hospital bed at square leg, Geoff located the ball before releasing an underarm howitzer to the profligate Reeves (2-0-8-1 downhill) tending the stumps. Ainsworth (3-0-11-0 downhill) and Smith (2-0-18-1 uphill) then helped tidy things off as the home side checked out on a workmanlike 109.

 

With no teas available and no time between innings, Howarth simply took a photograph of a soggy oppo scorecard before eloping to take snaps of Carter (0) slicing the ball. Timms (17) and Turner (12) were significantly better (in hitting the ball) or at least up until the point when the moon began to rise behind the pavilion.

 

In the perpetual darkness popularised by James Herbert’s 80s horror novel, Pearson (4), Reeves (6) and Ainsworth (9) all fell in the enshrouding gloom, we assume, however their circumstances and in which order it was hard to visualise. One dismissal we can relate was Howarth’s inglorious stumping first ball, a stellar dismissal predicted by ‘Mystic’ Turner, delighting in hysteria as he tumbled from his chair. It all left Roberts (8), Hoskins (2) and Hotson (2*) to extend the innings to 89 in the sentient dark and Smith (17*) to rediscover he can actually bat.

 

 

 

 

A match lost, but one by virtue of sub-standard coin tossing and shitty light. You can never combat the elements, just like you can no longer park at Cutteslowe for free or use a paper fiver for subs.

 

 

‘Winston Churchill’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Wolvercote CC

Played at Cutteslowe Park, 3 May 2017

 

Wolvercote CC won the toss and elected to bat

Wolvercote CC won by 19 runs

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

17 / 411

 

 

 

 

 

16 over match

 

 

 

Team

Wolvercote CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

B. Proctor

lbw b Hoskins

28

 

4

-

3-57

2

C. O'Hicky

b Roberts

7

 

1

-

1-17

3

A. Borlickar

c Timms b Hoskins

13

 

1

-

2-57

4

C. Potter *

run out (Carter/Reeves)

16

 

3

-

8-91

5

P. Lohan

b Hoskins

3

 

-

-

4-64

6

B. George

run out (Hoskins)

4

 

-

-

5-81

7

P. R. Waren

b Reeves

1

 

-

-

6-83

8

M. Bird

b Smith

1

 

-

-

7-87

9

L. Velasquez

run out (Hotson)

6

 

1

-

9-93

10

M. Wells

run out (Timms/Smith)

1

 

-

-

10-108

11

R. Oliver

not out

14

 

3

-

-

 

Extras

NB1, W5, LB4, B4

14

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 16 overs)

108

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Roberts

3

1

23

1

7.67

 

2

Howarth

3

0

21

0

7.00

 

3

Ainsworth

3

0

11

0

3.67

 

4

Hoskins

3

0

18

3

6.00

 

5

Reeves

2

0

8

1

4.00

 

6

Smith

2

0

18

1

9.00

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

G. Carter

c and b Bird

0

(8)

-

-

1-3

2

G. J. Timms

b Wells

17

(13)

3

-

2-34

3

R. P. Turner

b Wells

12

(23)

-

-

3-35

4

J. W. Pearson *

c Velasquez b Wells

4

(6)

-

-

7-54

5

M. K. Reeves

c O'Hicky b Velasquez

6

(7)

1

-

4-43

6

L. G. Ainsworth

c George b Velasquez

9

(7)

1

-

5-53

7

I. Howarth

c O'Hicky b Velasquez

0

(1)

-

-

6-54

8

T. P. W. Smith

not out

17

(18)

1

1

-

9

C. D. Roberts

b Lohan

8

(8)

-

-

8-77

10

J. D. Hoskins

b Waren

2

(5)

-

-

9-87

11

J. C. W. Hotson †

not out

2

(1)

-

-

-

 

Extras

NB1, W8, LB3

12

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 9 wickets, 16 overs)

89

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

George

3

0

4

0

1.33

 

2

Bird

3

0

20

1

6.67

 

3

Velasquez

3

0

22

3

7.33

 

4

Wells

3

0

11

3

3.67

 

5

Lohan

2

0

15

1

7.50

 

6

Waren

2

0

14

1

7.00

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  J. D. Hoskins

Champagne Moment:  T. P. W. Smith’s large six over cow corner

Buffet Award:  T. P. W. Smith’s spicy kale and coconut stir fry

MAD Moment:  I. Howarth’s brainless stumping for a golden duck

 

 

Opposition:  V086 / 02

Ground:  G001 / 32

Captain:  C021 / 04

Match No:  OT / 029