Far from the MCC fines 07.05.17 v Enstone CC (a) won by 5 wkts

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Lee	Arguing	With opposition skipper
	Constant bitching / complaining	About his (apparent) injuries
	Faking injury
	Promoting Russ	Refusal to open due to mystery injuries
	Grumbling throughout	Moany cunt
	Getting out
	Arrogance in field	Arranging field placement without consent
			£1.75
Gary T	Not putting Lucan on the boundary
	Bullying Dobner	Sending out shitty emails and in-jokes preceding Steve’s withdrawal from the team
	Bowling Psycho at the wrong end	Crap first up
	Ainsworth’s pet	Being dictated to
	Double standards	Moaning about Ainsworth
			£1.25
Lord Lucan	Average protection
	Self obsession	Calculating his own average (incorrectly)
	Embarrassing other batsmen	By scoring runs
	Dissing the umpire	Richard knows best
	Bodleian avoidance	Not playing for them (his preferred option last season)
	Run out avoidance	Surprisingly no victims this week
	Boundary avoidance	Not fielding there
	Using confusing language	Being a bit clever for himself (standard behaviour)
			£2.00
Russ	Self-branding	Russell Athletic T-shirt
	Negative energy
	Arguing	With everyone
	Arrogance	Excessive correctness (as above)
	Not being himself	Leaving cake behind in the pavilion and scraps of his fourteenth sandwich
	Yorkshire terrier?!	(fuck knows?)
			£1.25
Spam	Dissing Salad	“He’s shit these days – a waste of fantasy currency.”
	Batting like a cunt	Shit shot to get out despite team having just had a mini-collapse
	Arguing with the umpire	Not satisfied by adjudication on lbw appeal (when bowling)
	Comedy fielding
	Overuse of chest	…to stop the ball in the field (several occasions)
	Exposure of belly	At picnic table whilst eating
			£1.50
Reevsie	Average protection
	Showboating	Not playing himself in before twatting the ball to all parts
	Hungover
	Drinking at The Star
	Flaunting wealth	Bulging wallet and tin fines box
	Fashion victim	Wearing his reflective shades on his head
	Smug	In lieu of his match winning knock
	Happy to be smug	As above
			£2.00
Psycho	Buffet avoidance	Despite throwing down some real shit
	Impersonating an opening bowler
	Book ending the Enstone innings	With his bowling
	Self importance
	Impersonating a death bowler
	Impersonating Tall Bob	Looking down at people
			£1.50
Geoff	Impersonating a wicketkeeper
	Duck avoidance
	Shit run out	Took him three attempts to complete a simple run out chance
			£0.75
Pearson	Comedy fielding
	Drop		50p
	Turning up in whites
	Leaving the ground in whites
	Impersonating a pinch hitter	Sarcastic reference to his pathetic strike rate before getting himself out
			£1.25
Matt B	Keeping avoidance	Stood in slip again
	Boozing before game
	Slow scoring	The scorebook suddenly became ‘active’ after he retired from his duties following the first 20 overs of The MAD innings
	Rain Man impression	Immediate stat calculations
	Countdown power
			£1.25
Salad	Ball gluttony	In the field
	Opening bowler no wicket		50p
	Drop		50p
	No faith in the team	“You’re all shit” (among other audible barbs)
	Fantasy obsession	More concerned with winning the Fantasy League than a real game of cricket
			£1.75
		TOTAL	£15.75

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership < 25 Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Uber (anything) – particularly arrogant, smug or condescending	£0.50
Extreme [anything] – particularly Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£1.00
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute* (* - Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00*
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2