“Tales of Vomit and Absurdity”
Match: 18
/ 464
Lost
by 3 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
145 |
|
J. Pearson 65, R. Turner
24 |
|
|
|
|
|
Wootton & Bladon CC |
146 - 7 |
|
I. Howarth 3 - 33 |
|
|
Sunday began on Saturday
and for some it actually started on Friday (getting
pissed that is). For those that weren’t shitfaced on Friday evening and
throwing up in their dad’s bathroom, Saturday was the preferred option,
whereby you could join the stag (James Hoskins) for an all-day poker and
drinking session at Horspath CC and then eff and jeff at a curry house thereafter.
Your choice of where to throw up following these escapades were varied, some
sought the solace of moonlight hedgerows along Horspath Road, others the
quiet and more intimate surrounds of Oriel College. But wherever you decided,
the mantra was always the same, better out than in, whatever that really
means.
It is now some five
years since Mr Hoskins met Polly on his globetrotting sabbatical, eating
arachnids together under a starlit sky in the Serengeti. Time has flown by
since then, the team have a won a few games, we’ve got another female Prime
Minister, we’ve opted to tell Europe to fuck off and the price of cider has
risen alarmingly. Thankfully this isn’t the case at Horspath CC, where a good
pint of Thatcher’s and a baby bottle of Prosecco remain bicycle chained to
Ł2.50. Thanks to Max Eason and the bar staff for keeping up with our requirements
on the day. Onto Sunday where there
was further puiking, some more drinking and some people played some cricket.
The four that played some cricket combined to realise 125 runs, whilst the
seven that opted to show up and be collectively useless scored 7 runs. The
thing is with being useless (better known as fucking shite), is the
comparatively more enjoyable your day becomes when surrounding yourself with
other people’s failure. Take for instance Jan Webster (golden), who watched
an over from the non-strikers end before re-enacting a blind man with a walking
stick and retracing the 100 yards back to the pavilion. Totally crap and he
must have felt pretty lousy to be fair to him, but
his spirits were immediately lifted by the subsequent shambles which was
Richard Hadfield (0). Together, they could now chastise life and hope deep down
that other players in the team would join their small world of capitulation
and acridity. Misery loves company after all and misery found plenty on this
day.
Pops – batting for the family, just to prove he
was out there. Shortly after, Howarth wiped
himself down of vomit before striding out purposefully in making an addled 3,
Timms (0) shouldn’t have bothered, Hoskins (3) kicked his kit back to the hutch
with the jibe of “that’s the first thing you’ve middled”, before the best of
the worst was saved to last as Emerson (1) ran himself out after instructing
his partner Hotson (0* from 0 balls) to be mindful of any dodgy singles. How
we all laughed and how all of David’s kit got similarly kicked back to the
pavilion. So, what of the four
people who scored all the runs (out of a MAD total of 145)? Russ (24) swore a
lot after wasting a promising start, Williams (23) apologised to his family
after they missed him bat and Reeves (13) was simply happy to be at the other
end watching Pearson club his way to 65 in what has been a pretty stellar
year (for him anyway). The tea interval
encouraged everyone to seek shade from the sun and chow down on a rare tea
prepared by Mrs Reeves. Certainly not rare in her dedication to the cause,
but rare in 2018 as she has been manhandled around the globe by her husband
who seems fixated with playing bugger all cricket, complaining about his
kneecaps and wiping all trace of Ian Howarth from the co-authored book ‘Never
at This Level’.
Hotson (top) regards himself above most of the
Fat Boys. Feeling smug about
having already put the hard yards in, the rotund gents of Bladon watched a
rather old school MAD bowling unit throw down their reply. After years of
chronic whinging and whining, it appears Emerson’s (6-1-17-1) body is now fit
for purpose and he bowled with a swagger not seen since before the years of
chronic whinging and whining. Hoskins’ (7-0-27-1) bakery continues to find a
decent passing trade, whereas Timms’ (5-0-38-1) is perhaps in need of a
refit, the smell of slightly burnt crust palpable. After standing in slip for
the entire game, Reeves (7-1-24-1) displayed no obvious discomfort in bowling
a full stint, perhaps slightly peeved the wickets nearly all seemed to fall
at the other end, Howarth (6-0-33-3) the beneficiary as he rekindled the days
of when he was useful. Just as well, as his batting has gone to shit. After the obligatory tonking
of Mr Valentine (34) any hopes of a MAD victory were subsequently ran out the
park by the incredible energy of Wootton skipper J Trinder. His unbeaten and
ultimately divisive knock (41 not out) contained 2s made from 1s, 3s made
from 2s and 4s that were higher than the 1s, 2s and 3s just mentioned.
Right – the now rebuild David Emerson sans the
griping and moaning about “injuries”. In 2016 a new MAD honour
was introduced by the club, namely the, erm… MAD Moment, which sought to
celebrate the wackiest episode over the course of the season. Previous
winners include Andrew Darley and J. vdG. Webster and it is the latter who
may well have put himself in with a great chance of retaining this dubious
award. Attacking the ball on the boundary, then thinking twice of it, Jan
then clumsily watched the ball go under his outstretched hands, between his
legs before zinging into a mesh fence behind him (four). His reaction was
jaw-droppingly brilliant as he told the ball vocally to “FUCK OFF” before
jumping in the air and pounding his weight on the floor. Amusing enough, but
perhaps not so for the gentle family and kids enjoying an afternoon tea party
behind the fence. Anyway, getting back to
the action and the process of losing, that’s what happened to the Far from
the MCC on July 22 after MOTM Pearson (0.4-0-7-0) undid everyone’s hard work over
the course of the day by getting summarily twatted at the end. For fuck’s
sake, James…. In conclusion, a very
enjoyable match against a very enjoyable opposition on a ground far too massive
to comprehend, it has been a long sun-drenched weekend, but one to live long in
the memory. ‘W. E. E. Kender’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Wootton &
Bladon CC Played at Oriel College, 22 July 2018 Far from the MCC won the toss and
elected to bat Wootton & Bladon CC won by 3 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none |
18 / 464 35 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R. P. Turner |
c Dogget b Craig |
24 |
(41) |
2 |
- |
3-53 |
|
2 |
J. vdG. Webster |
b Trinder |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
1-6 |
|
3 |
R. J. B. Hadfield |
c Dogget b Trinder |
0 |
(7) |
- |
- |
2-12 |
|
4 |
C. T. J. Williams |
c Trinder b Craig |
23 |
(26) |
4 |
- |
4-54 |
|
5 |
I. Howarth |
c Bishop b Floyd |
3 |
(14) |
- |
- |
5-60 |
|
6 |
J. W. Pearson |
c Gorton b Bishop |
65 |
(61) |
10 |
- |
9-145 |
|
7 |
G. J. Timms * |
b Floyd |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
6-60 |
|
8 |
J. D. Hoskins |
c Trinder b Hambridge |
3 |
(6) |
- |
- |
7-65 |
|
9 |
M. K. Reeves |
c Janason b
Bishop |
13 |
(31) |
1 |
- |
8-136 |
|
10 |
D. Emerson |
run out |
1 |
(6) |
- |
- |
10-145 |
|
11 |
J. C. W. Hotson † |
not out |
0 |
(0) |
- |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
NB2, W6, LB1, B4 |
13 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 32 overs) |
145 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Craig |
7 |
0 |
28 |
2 |
4.00 |
|
|
2 |
Trinder |
5 |
0 |
12 |
2 |
2.40 |
|
|
3 |
Hambridge |
5 |
0 |
18 |
1 |
3.60 |
|
|
4 |
Floyd |
5 |
0 |
17 |
2 |
3.40 |
|
|
5 |
De Bono |
4 |
0 |
32 |
0 |
8.00 |
|
|
6 |
Gorton |
2 |
0 |
23 |
0 |
11.50 |
|
|
7 |
Bishop |
4 |
2 |
9 |
2 |
2.25 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Wootton & Bladon
CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
T. Valentine |
c Williams b Howarth |
34 |
|
4 |
- |
3-78 |
|
2 |
G. Dogget † |
c Hotson b Emerson |
4 |
|
1 |
- |
1-5 |
|
3 |
J. Bishop |
c Pearson b Hoskins |
23 |
|
3 |
- |
2-53 |
|
4 |
J. Janason |
b Howarth |
13 |
|
1 |
- |
4-81 |
|
5 |
A. Hambridge |
c Pearson b Reeves |
10 |
|
- |
- |
5-113 |
|
6 |
J. Trinder * |
not out |
41 |
|
3 |
- |
- |
|
7 |
D. De Bono |
b Howarth |
0 |
|
- |
- |
6-113 |
|
8 |
T. Gorton |
b Timms |
1 |
|
- |
- |
7-134 |
|
9 |
D. Craig |
not out |
8 |
|
1 |
- |
- |
|
10 |
D. Floyd |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
NB1, W1, LB10 |
12 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 7 wickets, 31.4 overs) |
146 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Emerson |
6 |
1 |
17 |
1 |
2.83 |
|
|
2 |
Hoskins |
7 |
0 |
27 |
1 |
3.86 |
|
|
3 |
Timms |
5 |
0 |
38 |
1 |
7.60 |
|
|
4 |
Reeves |
7 |
1 |
24 |
1 |
3.43 |
|
|
5 |
Howarth |
6 |
0 |
33 |
3 |
5.50 |
|
|
6 |
Pearson |
0.4 |
0 |
7 |
0 |
10.50 |
|
|
MOTM: J. W. Pearson Champagne Moment: J. C. W. Hotson’s catch
diving the wrong way (keeper) Buffet
Award: G. J. Timms’ neverending
summer barbeque (full trims) MAD
Moment: J. vdG. Webster’s swearing
meltdown after a boundary bungle |
Opposition:
V027 / 27 Ground: G084 / 02 Captain: C022 / 75 Match No: 35 / 163 |