“Jake Stars in Little Village Where They Burn Coppers”

Match: 18 / 454

Won by 2 runs

Team	Total
FFTMCC	136
J. Webster 33, J. Pearson 30
Appleton CC	134
I. Howarth 4 - 20, D. Shorten 3 - 17

Matches against Appleton stretch all the way back to when they started and if the wind is kind, then the stench of turd from the sewerage works isn’t such a problem. It’s an interesting little ground, ringed by trees and hidden amongst a farming estate who regularly come together at equinox to burn policemen on top of pyres. But then that’s the classic English village for you, a hybrid of Twin Peaks and all that is great about knowing your neighbour, being part of a corrupt unelected council, getting totally pissed at the local, flaunting the law and carrying out a clandestine relationship with the bored housewife of a local earl. Of course, none of this is probably true, but it most probably is at the same time.

Welcome to Appleton.

Winning the toss on a grey evening where everyone wished the game was contested the day before in brilliant sunshine, Mr Shorten elected to bat first before the sun disappeared behind the aforementioned perennials. Howarth (10) and Turner (10) looked in touch before they decided on being crap, Pearson (30 off 22 balls) was excellent before he was told to “retire at the end of the over” (why wait?) and Roberts (13) continues to score runs now he’s been given a chance to bat above number eleven.

At this point in the innings, The MAD defaulted to being shit going from a blazing 73-2 (off 10.1 ovs) to a blood-stained 78-6, with Vermaak (1) and Hotson (golden) amongst the cricketing roadkill.

Thankfully the guy who heralds from the land of tulips, windmills, clogs, drugs, sex museums, Marco Van Basten and cheese, decided against being shit and instead scored some runs for once. Jan began his innings with a sublime boundary, retired eloquently on 31, almost got back to the pavilion and return a few balls later, slice another couple in the air and then swing across the line to leave his team all out for 136. Webster (33 off 26 balls) was helped by Shorten’s ill-timed 9, unhelped by Cartwright’s dashing golden and Bullock’s non-golden (2 balls) and Rundle who stood at the other end sniggering on 2 not out.

In reply, Appleton enjoyed some early crap from Shorten, but struggled against the yorkers of Howarth as they slipped to 19-2. At which point The MAD total got gobbled up at an alarming rate with Vermaak (2-0-13-0), Roberts (3-0-30-0) and Mr Rundle (3-0-20-0) going wicketless, helping as they did so Mr Bungay, who flexed his not-inconsiderable shoulders with the bat.

Just as last Wednesday on Boars Hill saw enforced retirements change the course of a game, here against the same guys playing for a different team at a different ground it happened again. Peach and Bungay sat back on their foldaway chairs to watch a shower of shit unfold as the home team slipped from 95-2 to 105-8. Pearson bagged a brace and a returning Shorten this time discovered the merits of line and length (4-1-17-3).

Unfortunately, with the tumble of timber, Mr Bungay’s stay on his foldaway chair expired. He now returned to make a mockery of the gloom to start depositing balls in adjacent fields, paddocks and Pagan rituals. Pearson (4-0-25-2) served him his lunch as Howarth ordered the sides, quite how anyone can hit a ball that far when they can barely see the fucking thing is unfathomable….

During the ongoing carnage, The MAD still found time to entertain spectators and opposition alike with some circus inspired fielding. You had the skipper chasing a ball to the sightscreen before simply collapsing on the floor (much like those who witnessed it), Webster’s boundary run and self-tackled tumble whilst the ball lay dormant and not forgetting Howarth’s perfectly misjudged encroachment under a skier, somehow finding himself a dozen yards short and then watching it spin past him as he face-planted.

With the game slipping away, Appleton and Mr Bungay now needed just 5 runs off Howarth’s final over. Cometh the hour, cometh the man, no not Howarth, although his final over was bloody good, but the dextrous talents of one Jake Charles William Hotson, scampering in square of the wicket, he scooped the ball up and threw down the stumps with just the one to aim at. Bungay run out for 66. Jake mobbed.

Hotson – the greatest fielder this club has ever had.

That still left the returning Peach (32) to exact the rights, however it was a return in stark contrast to that of his larger team mate, bowled second ball by Howarth (3.5-1-20-4) from around the wicket.

The MAD’s victory over Wootton & Boars Hill was heralded as the greatest T20 triumph since the last amazing win in a similar format at some point in time, only to be possibly transcended by the weekend run-chase against the previously unconquered Lemmings. But were both of those wonderful matches put into the shade by this one? Hard to say. Stay tuned for the outcome of the ‘Most Memorable Match’ vote at the end of season AGM….

Oh, and whisper it quietly, our regular skipper is back in town. So, shush, pretend nothing has happened in the interim.

‘Toe Crusher’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Appleton CC Played at Appleton, 13 June 2018 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 2 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

18 / 454 20 over match

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	I. Howarth	c Hicks b Alder	10	(10)	1	-	1-16
2	J. W. Pearson	b Hicks	30	(22)	5	-	3-73
3	R. P. Turner	b Alder	10	(8)	2	-	2-32
4	C. D. Roberts	b Hicks	13	(30)	1	-	6-78
5	C. J. Vermaak	b Knight	1	(4)	-	-	4-78
6	J. C. W. Hotson	b Knight	0	(1)	-	-	5-78
7	D. Shorten *	c Bungay b Mistry	9	(15)	-	-	7-128
8	J. vdG. Webster	b Knight	33	(26)	4	-	10-136
9	J. A. Cartwright	c Bungay b Mistry	0	(1)	-	-	8-131
10	M. S. Rundle	not out	2	(2)	-	-	-
11	M. Bullock †	c Hicks b Knight	0	(2)	-	-	9-134
	Extras	NB2, W9, LB2, B15	28
	TOTAL	(all out, 19.5 overs)	136

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Alder	4	0	24	2	6.00
2	Blomerus	4	0	31	0	7.75
3	Hicks	4	0	21	2	5.25
4	Knight	3.5	1	14	4	3.65
5	Bungay	2	0	10	0	5.00
6	Christian	1	0	14	0	14.00
7	Mistry	1	0	5	2	5.00
Note: J. vdG. Webster retired on 31 (19 overs) and returned on 19.4 overs

Team	Appleton CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	A. Sayeed	c Shorten b Howarth	7		1	-	1-7
2	S. Mistry	b Howarth	3		-	-	2-19
3	R. Peach	b Howarth	32		2	1	10-134
4	M. Bungay	run out (Hotson)	66		5	4	9-134
5	B. Hicks	b Shorten	5		-	-	7-102
6	H. Knight	c Hotson b Pearson	0		-	-	3-95
7	W. Gellher †	b Pearson	0		-	-	4-96
8	G. Alder	b Shorten	4		-	-	6-100
9	H. Blomerus *	b Shorten	0		-	-	5-96
10	W. Christian	c Pearson b Howarth	3		-	-	8-105
11	T. Crowe	not out	3		-	-	-
	Extras	W2, LB4, B5	11
	TOTAL	(all out, 19.5 overs)	134

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Shorten	4	1	17	3	4.25
2	Howarth	3.5	1	20	4	5.22
3	Vermaak	2	0	13	0	6.50
4	Roberts	3	0	30	0	10.00
5	Rundle	3	0	20	0	6.67
6	Pearson	4	0	25	2	6.25

MOTM: J. vdG. Webster Champagne Moment: J. C. W. Hotson’s direct run out (of M Bungay) Buffet Award: C. D. Roberts’ cider-cured sea trout with crab sauce (veg sides) MAD Moment: I. Howarth’s bungle on the boundary (for four)

Opposition: V051 / 24 Ground: G042 / 16 Captain: C016 / 34 Match No: 20 / 114