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“Calypso Re-Signing
Fails to Ignite The MAD”

 

 

Match:  20 / 513

Lost by 70 runs

 

 

Team

 

Total

Horspath CC

161 - 3

A. Darley  2 - 12

 

FFTMCC

91 - 6

I. Howarth  21,  J. Westmoreland  14 

 

 

 

 

A decade in the making, Horspath CC agreed to cram a Friday T20 into their already hectic, coronavirus diary and welcome the pub team with no pub to a cricketing beatdown on a sultry July evening. This match was notable for boasting more spectators than found at Old Trafford for England’s Test Match versus the West Indies, with benches and tables busy with socially bubbled locals getting tucked into a cheap clubhouse bar.

 

 

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The eighth contest between these teams would see the very welcome return of one John Harris, his self-imposed twelve-year cricketing exile eclipsing the vanishing act of Richard Hadfield, although it is worth noting that Calypso never slaughtered his nanny. Akin to taking your finger off the pause button, John slipped into the team exactly where he left off, along with his baggy, sun bleached sunhat, off-white #74 shirt and those sarcy eyes that hide behind his familiar rectangular eyeglasses. Also, in attendance and playing in that farewell match back on June 22, 2008 were Carter, Hotson and Howarth, although only one third of this trio would walk onto the pitch as the other two remained anchored to the bar.

 

 

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The Moos and one John Harris.

 

 

Winning the toss, Skipper Turner had little hesitation in entertaining the public by throwing his hapless bowlers into the Horspath threshing machine. Darley (4-0-12-2) bowled with his now customary zeal, seeing Webster take a smart slip catch whilst dislocating his arse in the process. This comedic sketch has now received over a million views on YouTube and several agents have since contacted Jan in the hope of securing him a lucrative contract with the Comedy Central channel. Howarth (3-0-23-0) was less successful at the other end, apologising to Mr Westmoreland for swearing in the direction of his young son minding the stumps … little Joe failing to react to an edge that Jack Russell would have struggled to lay a hand on in his pomp.

 

At the halfway point, The MAD would have been happy with 53-2, however they weren’t an hour later with the run worm taking on a more vertical trajectory. During the second half of a Horspath innings that went at a sedate 10.8 runs per over, spin twins Harris (4-0-28-0) and Dan Westmoreland (3-0-30-0) did well in between enemy fire but received scant support from their bungling, butter fingered teammates. Shorten (4-0-31-1) was again very swing like in his metronomy whilst Williams (2-0-29-0) should maybe just stick to his batting. 161-3 at the interval with standout batsmen being anyone who wandered out to the middle with a bat and a modicum of talent.

 

 

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Young Joe cutting through the covers.

 

 

A socially distanced queue of several miles now stretched around the ground as people waited patiently for another tray of beer. Home supporters enjoying the riot and away supporters drinking to forget.

 

The MAD reply was given an early shot of adrenalin as Howarth (21) rediscovered an ability to use his bat as oppose to castigate it following every useless dismissal. Alas, in the face of some quality spin as opposed to pie (J. Richardson 4-10), The MAD batting order subsided quicker than the General Belgrano. Hadfield (4), Turner (3), Harris (8) and Shorten (4) all looked well past their sell-by dates, which was neatly underscored by Daddy Westmoreland (6 ret) collapsing to the pitch after taking gun fire to leg. Seeing one of our legends carried off the field of Ardennes somehow seemed symbolic and perhaps as a team we’ve only got another ten or twenty years before we hit our peak?

 

 

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Help the Aged.

 

 

Of course, it could’ve been way worse than this, and in fact it was. Young Joe Westmoreland had batted commendably in a 40-ball vigil to embarrass the efforts of his elders, before Mr Williams (0*) decided to get off his drunken arse at #8, wander out to the middle and subsequently run the lad out for 14. That sacrificial insanity was the last action of the game. 91-6.

 

After the soulless, depressional void created by a pandemic of isolation and introspection, bathing in the late evening sun among pretty surroundings and knocking back beers with human beings seemed like a Christmas come early. Our immense gratitude to Max Eason, David Heritage and the good folk of Horspath CC who agreed to take this game at such short notice and play with such good spirit. We hope your bar profits were worth it.

 

 

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‘Thatchers, Guinness and Club Beer’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Horspath XI

Played at Horspath CC, 24 July 2020

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field

Horspath XI won by 70 runs

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  n/a

 

 

20 / 513

 

 

 

 

 

20 over match

 

 

 

Team

Horspath XI

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

A. Turner

c D. Westmoreland b Darley

10

(14)

2

-

1-12

2

C. Batten

not out

45

(47)

4

-

-

3

C. Turner

c Webster b Darley

2

(5)

-

-

2-18

4

S. Green

c Williams b Shorten

41

(32)

7

-

3-92

5

J. Richardson

not out

45

(23)

7

-

-

6

G. Crawford

 

 

 

 

 

 

7

A. Thomas

 

 

 

 

 

 

8

J. Hedges

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

H. Ali

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

C. Hoffen

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

E. Oakley

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

NB2, W8, LB1, B7

18

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 3 wickets, 20 overs)

161

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Darley

4

0

12

2

3.00

 

2

Howarth

3

0

23

0

7.67

 

3

Harris

4

0

28

0

7.00

 

4

Shorten

4

0

31

1

7.75

 

5

D. Westmoreland

3

0

30

0

10.00

 

6

Williams

2

0

29

0

14.50

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

I. Howarth

c and b Richardson

21

(28)

3

-

2-35

2

R. J. T. Hadfield

b Richardson

4

(9)

1

-

1-31

3

M. T. Westmoreland

retired hurt

6

(15)

-

-

-

4

J. A. H. Westmoreland †

run out

14

(41)

1

-

6-91

5

R. P. Turner *

st ? b Hoffen

3

(12)

-

-

3-65

6

J. Harris

lbw b Richardson

8

(11)

2

-

4-86

7

D. Shorten

b Richardson

4

(4)

1

-

5-91

8

C. T. J. Williams

not out

0

(2)

-

-

-

9

D. J. H. Westmoreland

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

A. Darley

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

J. vdG. Webster

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

NB2, W12, LB1, B16

31

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 6 wickets, 20 overs)

91

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Hedges

4

0

17

0

4.25

 

2

Ali

4

0

19

0

4.75

 

3

Turner

3

0

7

0

2.33

 

4

Richardson

4

0

10

4

2.50

 

5

Hoffen

4

0

20

1

5.00

 

6

Crawford

1

1

0

0

0.00

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:  M. T. Westmoreland retired hurt at 47-2

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  J. A. H. Westmoreland

Champagne Moment:  J. vdG. Webster’s slip catch and arse tear

Buffet Award:  C. T. J. Williams’ overly marinated pork loins

MAD Moment:  M. T. Westmoreland’s calf tear during running mix up with son, Joe

 

 

Opposition:  V057 / 08

Ground:  G046 / 09

Captain:  C024 / 34

Match No:  20 / 142