“Bullock and Cartwright Close the Show”
Match: 20
/ 527
Won
by 1 run
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
168 - 3 |
|
J. Pearson
78, R. Turner 54* |
|
|
|
|
|
Nettlebed CC |
167 - 8 |
|
J. Hoskins
3 - 27, G. Timms 2 - 14
|
|
|
Why do we do it then?
Giving up our spare Sundays to travel miles to stand in a field with an
assortment of ageing failures to be shit at a sport
nobody really understands. Why? Thank fuck
for Nettlebed then, because in recent times, trying to justify Sunday cricket
to the unenlightened would have been like to trying to justify the bombing of
Dresden to a follower of Dudeism. The Far from any Fucking
Good have lived up to their name, and then some, and the memories of
that glorious run chase in Cassington seem like a couple of lockdowns ago.
The team have had to cope with a catalogue of injuries, thirty games in as
many days, a run of ill fortune and… some truly brainless batting. It has
been as demoralising as it has been… not very much fun. “A drowning man will clutch at a straw.” – Sir Thomas More
So… let’s
move on quickly and get to the why. A pint and some banter
at a lovely fourteenth century pub never hurts,
particularly after a stressful week at work trying to stay two metres apart
from anyone with a heartbeat and half a brain. Arriving at a beautiful
ground for the first time on a glorious September day. A feeling of freedom
and expectation not sullied by overly competitive arseholes and a
win-at-all-cost attitude. An excellent game of
cricket going down to the wire, played out in very good spirits with plenty
of barbs and keen humour. A game where everyone contributes something, be it
small or large and the memories of last weekend’s shitstain
are washed from the boxers. Another pint and some
banter at a lovely fourteenth century pub following the conclusion of the
match, particularly when you’ve won for once and
everyone recalls a certain hilarious incident* that will live long in the
memory. A day out avoiding
shopping with the wife and the nag of the kids, and if one or neither of
these things apply, then it’s a day out nonetheless
with some of the best company a pub can buy. That’s
that sorted then, now let’s rewind to the events of the game….
Pearson (batting) seeing off the initial burst of
L Vockins. Having already scribbled
in the scorebook prior to the game that Nettlebed won the toss, Skipper Timms
quickly set about underscoring his premonition and telling his team that the
opposition were having a bowl. A decision probably born out of visiting our
website in advance and taking note of the binary contributions in recent
weeks of a large percentage of MAD batsmen. How bloody annoying for
Buttler (5-0-21-0) and L Vockins (7-2-7-1) then, that The MAD shitshow never
materialised. Instead, for once, the team remembered how to construct an innings
diligently and how wonderful was that. Williams (8) helped see off the
opening salvo, before Pearson (78) extended his purple patch and together
with the belligerence of a hungover Turner (54*), their partnership of 121
consigned Howarth and Cartwright to sitting with their pads on for the rest
of the afternoon. This, gentlemen, is how as a team we are supposed to
bat.
Williams discovers the joys of actually
playing cricket. With James caught on the
boundary to an excellent catch by Barker, a quick slog by Howarth (9) at the
death helped the visitors plateaux out on a more
than satisfying 168-3. Flapjack time and great to see Mr T. P. W. Smith going
through his repertoire of sarcasm and often heard jokes whilst upping the
artistic spread of discarded tins of Stella Artois. “Never regret anything that made you smile.” – Mark Twain
The Nettlebed reply was
robust to say the least, with opener Cassar (31) whacking anything aimed at
his stumps or wide of his stumps. This theory of removing any circumspect
indecision and simply hitting the fucker saw the
home side sail past 60 in just the tenth over. It was at this point in
proceedings that Mr Hoskins was introduced and a first over that anybody who
witnessed it will never forget*. Readying himself to bowl, floppy self-titled
sunhat hiding his furrowed brow, James came storming in off his two yard run up to find both batsman and fielders were
looking behind the keeper…? There, squeezing and dragging its arse and on the bowlers’ mark, was Indy the dog and winner
of the game’s MAD Moment. An unidentified breed, but large enough to eat
enough to drop enough, and receive the bollocking of
its life minutes later from his appalled and contrite lady owner. A pure
village spectacle that aristocracy just couldn’t
comprehend.
We don’t have any
footage of Indy dropping his load, but here is Bertie looking on…. Undeterred by the smell
of faecal matter, Hoskins (7-0-27-3) whirled and twirled The MAD back into
the game before stalling once more before the promised land (that oh-so
elusive 5-for). This fine exhibition of flight and pie seemingly inspiring
his skipper to do the same (Timms 7-1-14-2), always nice. From very much game
off to very much game on. With the run rate
creeping up and MAD fielding keen, it came down to Timms trusting Tall Bob
Roberts (7-0-30-0) to bowl the final over. The home team requiring 8 to win,
7 to tie and less than both these numbers to do the reverse of winning. We
join the action…. Dot
. 1 . 1 . Dot . 2 …and with four required
off the final ball of the match, A Barker (20*) heaves… and misses, with the
ball brushing his arse and racing off down to the
boundary. But wait! There, scurrying around from fine leg is young Joe Cartwright,
hurling himself to the turf to chest the ball down. He’s
stopped it! But he’s prostate on the floor… and now
the batsmen are running a third…. Fuck, what
tension! Summoning his last reserves of flapjack energy, Joe clambers up and
wings the ball to Bullock minding the stumps. As the world slows down and
with the batsman homing in, Matthew fumbles, mutters to himself, collects
and… removes the bails… OUT!!! The MAD win by a solitary run.
You could say the ground was packed to the
rafters, but the car park only holds… probably about ten cars. A great game of cricket
enjoyed by everyone and a true reminder of why we play this bloody
game. Our many thanks to Nettlebed and Mr Vockins for their genial hosting of
the match and we look forward to seeing you next year. “An explanation of cause is not a justification by reason.”
– C. S. Lewis ‘PaddyUp’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Nettlebed CC Played at Nettlebed, 20 September
2020 Nettlebed CC won the toss and elected
to field Far from the MCC won by 1 run Far from the MCC debuts: n/a |
20 / 527 35 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. W. Pearson |
c A. Barker b Young |
78 |
(99) |
12 |
- |
2-143 |
|
2 |
C. T. J. Williams |
c Simmons b L. Vockins |
8 |
(27) |
1 |
- |
1-22 |
|
3 |
R. P. Turner |
not out |
54 |
(77) |
6 |
- |
- |
|
4 |
I. Howarth |
c L. Vockins b L. Barker |
9 |
(8) |
1 |
- |
3-168 |
|
5 |
J. A. Cartwright |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
6 |
G. J. Timms * |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
7 |
M. Bullock † |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
8 |
J. D. Hoskins |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
M. K. Reeves |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
C. D. Roberts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
C. J. Vermaak |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
NB2, W3, LB4, B10 |
19 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 3 wickets, 35 overs) |
168 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Butler |
5 |
0 |
21 |
0 |
4.20 |
|
|
2 |
L. Vockins |
7 |
2 |
7 |
1 |
1.00 |
|
|
3 |
T. Vockins |
7 |
0 |
25 |
0 |
3.57 |
|
|
4 |
Russell |
7 |
1 |
41 |
0 |
5.86 |
|
|
5 |
A. Barker |
6 |
0 |
48 |
1 |
8.00 |
|
|
6 |
Young |
3 |
0 |
14 |
1 |
4.67 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Nettlebed CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
L. Vockins * |
lbw b Hoskins |
31 |
(32) |
7 |
- |
1-40 |
|
2 |
W. Cassar |
b Vermaak |
23 |
(20) |
4 |
- |
2-63 |
|
3 |
S. Butler |
c Vermaak b Hoskins |
10 |
(18) |
2 |
- |
4-72 |
|
4 |
R. Simmons † |
c Reeves b Hoskins |
1 |
(8) |
- |
- |
3-69 |
|
5 |
M. Bryant |
b Timms |
24 |
(35) |
2 |
1 |
6-117 |
|
6 |
C. Young |
c Williams b Timms |
22 |
(29) |
4 |
- |
5-117 |
|
7 |
T. Vockins |
b Pearson |
14 |
(33) |
2 |
- |
7-159 |
|
8 |
A. Barker |
not out |
20 |
(32) |
2 |
- |
- |
|
9 |
M. Barker |
run out (Cartwright/Bullock) |
2 |
(3) |
- |
- |
8-167 |
|
10 |
J. Russell |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
W8, LB4, B8 |
20 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 8 wickets, 35 overs) |
167 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Roberts |
7 |
0 |
30 |
0 |
4.29 |
|
|
2 |
Vermaak |
7 |
0 |
42 |
1 |
6.00 |
|
|
3 |
Hoskins |
7 |
0 |
27 |
3 |
3.86 |
|
|
4 |
Reeves |
4 |
0 |
23 |
0 |
5.75 |
|
|
5 |
Timms |
7 |
1 |
14 |
2 |
2.00 |
|
|
6 |
Howarth |
2 |
0 |
14 |
0 |
7.00 |
|
|
7 |
Pearson |
1 |
0 |
5 |
1 |
5.00 |
|
|
MOTM: J. W. Pearson Champagne Moment: C. T. J. Williams
running catch at long off Buffet
Award: I. Howarth’s pan-fried
mackerel with spinach, parmentiere potatoes, garlic
and parsley butter MAD
Moment: Indy (the dog) defecating on
the bowler’s run up |
Opposition:
V116 / 01 Ground: G106 / 01 Captain: C022 / 97 Match No: 35 / 190 |