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“Preposterous Rambles of Fictional Embezzlement
And Tales of a Fugitive Lifestyle
(Part I)

 

 

Match:  20 / 524

Lost by 26 runs

 

 

Team

 

Total

Mandarins

152 - 5

M. Reeves  4 - 16

 

FFTMCC

126 - 9

R. Hadfield  35

 

 

 

 

It had been a turbulent few days, with the HMRC called in to look over FFTMCC finances following revelations of fraudulent activity. A ransom payment to a troll website company had bounced and Beancounter Reeves discovered mysterious outgoings to Barnard Castle had left a gaping back hole in MAD finances. Then, before we knew it, Skipper Timms had disappeared and fled to the lochs of Scotland to lie low. All very worrying.

 

 

 

On the run….

 

 

After poring over the ambiguous and falsified finances of Club MAD and following numerous conversations, it transpired these civil servants had a cricket team of their own. It therefore seemed a natural progression to maybe play a game against these number crunchers and gain a better understanding and familiarity. A date was set in the calendar for September 4th, with the good folk of Appleton agreeing to hire out their ground for such an esteemed occasion.

 

 

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The hire of the ground comes with a free groundsman (Roger on right) – handy for shifting covers.

 

 

Assembling at the pub for a traditional pre-game pint, it was reassuring to note the average age of the Mandarins being akin to that of The MAD (i.e 40 somethings rising to the age of Geoff). The civil servants would talk of injuries, but had nothing to compare with the hosts’ bandaged Williams and cortisone injected Howarth who were pushed into service….

 

With autumn drawing in and light at a premium, the match was to start earlier and to consist of ten consecutive overs from either end with no extra deliveries for wides and no balls (to count as two extras). Winning the toss (naturally), Captain Turner had little hesitation in grabbing the pink ball to test the underbelly of this orange tinged opposition. The resultant MAD bowling was decent on the whole, with everyone who didn’t bowl to a promoted middle order (consisting of 8, 9, 10 and Jack) sticking to their line and length. Mike Reeves (4-0-16-1) also had a spell with the ball and did bowl at the aforementioned cast of Bright Eyes.

 

 

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Pearson faces the wiles of Kulkarni.

 

 

A decent Mandarin total of 152-5 was indebted to the opening efforts of Tunbridge (52 ret) and one C. Nealy who came in at number nine. This latter, short bespectacled fellow of advancing years, encouraged The MAD to encircle the bat and anticipate Annie and Fannie Cottontail thereafter. However, that particular outcome didn’t quite materialise, as a sumptuous 29 not out off 13 balls would ably demonstrate. The ball fizzing off his bat into open spaces, as one would expect from a gentleman to have mixed it in the higher echelons of Middlesex league cricket.

 

A quick turnaround saw Mr Hadfield (35) anchor The MAD reply, looking every inch the civil servant himself, all bustling with his reading glasses, administering unheeded advice as wickets tumbled at the other end. Pearson (13) was okay, Anderson (12) clubbed a few and Howarth (13) did amazingly well to drill a ball unerringly to a distant Tunbridge at cow. 126-9 was never enough, largely because it was 26 runs less than what the Mandarins achieved, but in a bleak sequence of funereal MAD totals, at least it was total in excess of a ton. Pub.

 

 

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Civil Servant Hadfield administering a glorious cut.

 

 

The tourists would prove as sociable off the pitch as maybe they weren’t quite as such on it, but therein lies the secret of success and winning a game of cricket (MAD take note). Debutant Alex Jeffreys also did himself no harm, the Appleton ringer not once mentioning his demise in a laughable Rundle run out, nor the tale of his seven over diamond duck, a record for his home team and surely every other village team dotted around the globe.

 

We wish Her Majesty’s lads all the best, they would be more than welcome to pay us another visit at a time unknown, perhaps even getting their admin correct and having the full eleven turn up in whites.

 

 

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‘Corti Sone’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Mandarins

Played at Appleton, 4 September 2020

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field

Mandarins won by 26 runs

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  Alex James Jeffreys (159)

 

 

20 / 524

 

 

 

 

 

20 over match

 

 

 

Team

Mandarins

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

T. Baxter

lbw b Howarth

2

 

-

-

1-16

2

G. Tunbridge

retired

52

 

6

-

-

3

A. Somerville

c Rundle b Reeves

7

 

-

-

2-51

4

D. Williams †

b Reeves

6

 

-

-

3-79

5

T. Hawkhead

b Reeves

5

 

1

-

4-84

6

J. Hawkins

b Reeves

0

 

-

-

5-89

7

J. Porter

not out

10

 

1

-

-

8

C. Healey

not out

29

 

5

-

-

9

N. Kulkarni

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

D. Forman *

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

A. Heard

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

NB2, W21, LB12, B6

41

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 5 wickets, 20 overs)

152

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Howarth

4

0

23

1

5.75

 

2

Jeffreys

4

0

26

0

6.50

 

3

Rundle

4

0

29

0

7.25

 

4

Reeves

4

0

16

4

4.00

 

5

Anderson

2

0

23

0

11.50

 

6

Pearson

2

0

25

0

12.50

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

J. W. Pearson

b Healey

13

(18)

3

-

1-29

2

R. J. T. Hadfield

st Williams b Forman

35

(44)

3

-

6-102

3

J. C. W. Hotson

b Kulkarni

2

(5)

-

-

2-32

4

C. T. J. Williams

c Forman b Porter

8

(8)

1

-

3-52

5

R. P. Turner *

st Williams b Forman

5

(8)

-

-

4-71

6

M. W. Anderson

b Forman

12

(10)

1

-

5-89

7

I. Howarth

c Tunbridge b Forman

13

(15)

2

-

7-121

8

M. K. Reeves

b Healey

2

(7)

-

-

8-125

9

A. J. Jeffreys

run out

4

(1)

1

-

9-125

10

M. S. Rundle

not out

1

(3)

-

-

-

11

G. Carter †

not out

0

(1)

-

-

-

 

Extras

NB12, W19

31

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 9 wickets, 20 overs)

126

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Kulkarni

4

1

19

1

4.75

 

2

Healey

4

0

20

2

5.00

 

3

Porter

4

0

20

1

5.00

 

4

Baxter

2

0

18

0

9.00

 

5

Forman

4

0

29

4

7.25

 

6

Somerville

1

0

9

0

9.00

 

7

Tunbridge

1

0

11

0

11.00

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  M. K. Reeves

Champagne Moment:  A. J. Jeffreys’ first ball tonk for four

Buffet Award:  M. W. Anderson’s Real Meal ration packs

MAD Moment:  J. C. W. Hotson’s self-drop after throwing the ball to himself

 

 

Opposition:  V114 / 01

Ground:  G042 / 20

Captain:  C024 / 40

Match No:  20 / 147