“Three Unwise Men”
Match: 21
/ 555
Won
by 7 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
Islip CC |
113 - 9 |
|
G. Timms
3 - 34, M. Reeves 2 - 4 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
114 - 3 |
|
J. Bateman 29,
D. Shorten 24 |
|
|
In
lieu of my mother-in-law’s house move which never materialised and having already
extracted myself from the list of availables to face
Islip this Sunday, a perfect opportunity arose to go out on a pub crawl
instead. I arranged to meet Mr Emerson at the Old Tom in Oxford City Centre,
after he too de-selected himself because “…Dave Shorten is the better
cricketer and I feel he should take my place.” An admirable stance, but no
doubt one eye on the weather despite his foul-mouthed outburst at my
suggestion. Thus, it was, we both arrived at 13:00 to await each other’s
presence, cursing each other whilst oblivious to the fact we were sat inside
and outside the same pub.
Not a view of the Old Tom, but follow the cobble
road to your right, you’re bang on it. After
loosening up the elbows with a couple of cold ones, and watching David tackle
a nuclear bowl of Thai noodles, we were joined by Mr Williams who appeared he
had been dragged through a hedge backwards. Chris had generously offered to
facilitate the non-house move over the weekend, also missing out on any team
selection and instead had handed most of his monthly wage check to the City
Arms. He hadn’t remembered going home on the Saturday night, but by educating
him on the iPhone Health app (walking and running), he was able to deduce he avoided
drowning by the towpath after zig-zagging his way back to his bed from the
Isis River Farmhouse. He certainly did not use a taxi nor was he capable of
ordering one. With
the sun finally deciding to peek its head out from behind the clouds, Mr
Emerson received a ping, thankfully not from his NHS Covid app, but instead by
Andrew Darley to announce things were… going pretty darned
good down the road….
It
was then decided that our pub crawl be cut short in favour of stopping in at a
Tesco Metro for provisions and lending vocal support to the lads down at Brasenose.
Oh, but what to choose for the day? We hit upon a sack of G&Ts, a bottle
of blackout juice (cava), assorted ciders and … a small bottle of water. The
H2O was of course secondary to the fact we needed a vessel to decant the cava
into due to a shortage of piccolos. Arriving
at the ground the visitors had stumbled to 80 odd
for 9 with only a few overs left. So, imagine our consternation at seeing
Timms (6-1-34-3) being pumped for 10 in two balls and Bateman spill an
obvious catch at mid on. Ah, of course, number
eleven was in fact the return of Islip masterblaster Ollie Black (26*), previously
caught behind batting at #3, but now deputising for the ten men. James’ fluff
was simply a product of being shitfaced at the final
of The Hundred at Lords the previous day (no, he can’t count to six either,
bless him).
113
for 9 and The MAD now sat in two groups at the interval. There were those
wanting a degree of intelligent, adult conversation and those wanting to
giggle with their three pisshead mates now
surrounding themselves with empty beer cans and wine bottles. You choose your
poison. About this time, I realised I needed to take a time out, not for another
piss, but for volunteering to do some umpiring for
the second innings. Slow the drinking. Officiating
cricket is something I will probably continue with after my playing career is
over, my body slowly surrendering itself to a myriad of injuries I now seem
to collect. Some are a result of the ageing process, but many are due to
being a stupid drunk who refuses to grow up and doesn’t know what the fuck he is doing. Umpiring also gives you that
cricketing perspective you can’t possibly appreciate as you heckle from the
boundary (“GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT!!!) In
what I consider almost the perfect opening partnership (in my humble opinion),
Turner (21) and Bateman (29) saw off the new ball with aplomb. They were
diligent in defence and showed admirable patience against a consistently
accurate attack on a rough and ready pitch. This is ‘proper cricket’ and this is ‘how to win a game’, all simple enough, but
this methodology seems to get lost in modern thinking way too many times.
Drinks, 46-0 and I definitely need a piss. I also
need a refuel. Can of G&T tossed back to source (Emerson), and back to
the action.
Bateman and Turner lay The MAD foundations. With
the required run-worm becoming more vertical, our openers admirably sacrificed
themselves to the cause, with the baton now taken up by Webster and Shorten.
Jan is enduring a period where the ball resembles an atom, whereas David sees
it is a planet and thus (was it ever), Jan fudged and farted
around but started making progress (17* off 47,478 deliveries) and his
partner (24) just went BIG (enjoy the purple patch Mr Shorten, you know the
coma is around the corner). I was also feeling the pressure, a boundary
circling Williams tossing me a pre-shaken Strongbow to open over my jeans. That
left Fuselier Pearson (8*) to help mastermind the strategically successful
run chase after his recent efforts in defence of Kabul airport. So good to
see him back, someone dependable, someone measured and someone unlike a lot
of us and most definitely unlike the three pissheads who won’t remember their
fucking day.
After
a fine 7 wicket victory, it must be back to the pub, right? The Tap Social
providing the tables and beverages for people to talk bollocks,
vote against Mr Reeves winning anything (his bowling was exemplary 4-0-4-2)
and… the three pissheads to drink some more... well anything to be honest. From
here on in, memories becoming sketchier, with people thinking Rundle
(7-4-7-1) was unplayable at Test level and Vermaak only playable by The
Clangers (MAD Moment was a moonball no less). Russ then got another round in…. One
vaguely remembers Emerson waking from his alcoholic stupor, enough to sprint
for his bus back to Wallingford. I left the pub with Williams determined to
showcase the ‘shortcut’ back home through the grounds of the Oxford Spires
hotel (Abingdon Road). Notwithstanding previous parkour misadventures this
year, we climbed over fences, fell into brambles, strayed past some barbwire and,
erm… found ourselves back on the Abingdon Road. About twenty paces whence we
left, thankfully the scorebook was intact.
View to the Isis Farmhouse from Donny Bridge (I assume)…. Image found on camera phone. It
took two hours plus to somehow wobble home via Donnington Bridge, rip my
jeans, fall through the front door covered in detritus and wake my
long-suffering wife who was pleasantly asleep in bed. It was in conclusion, a
perfect day, gentlemen. A perfect day. ‘Spam’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Islip CC Played at Brasenose College, 22 August
2021 Islip CC won the toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 7 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: n/a |
21 / 555 35 over match |
|
Team |
Islip CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
H. Brock |
c and b Reeves |
2 |
|
- |
- |
|
|
2 |
B. Crawford |
b Pearson |
14 |
|
1 |
- |
|
|
3 |
O. Black * |
c Hotson b Darley |
1 |
|
- |
- |
|
|
4 |
J. Launchberry |
b Reeves |
0 |
|
- |
- |
|
|
5 |
R. Hambridge |
b Rundle |
15 |
|
1 |
- |
|
|
6 |
H. Scott |
c Bateman b Timms |
32 |
|
6 |
- |
|
|
7 |
K. Crawford |
not out |
16 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
8 |
E. Bird |
lbw b Timms |
1 |
|
- |
- |
|
|
9 |
E. Crofts |
st Hotson b Timms |
0 |
|
- |
- |
|
|
10 |
S. Nelson |
b Darley |
0 |
|
- |
- |
|
|
11 |
O. Black * |
not out |
26 |
|
3 |
1 |
- |
|
|
Extras |
NB1, W3, B2 |
6 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 9 wickets, 35 overs) |
113 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Darley |
7 |
3 |
21 |
2 |
3.00 |
|
|
2 |
Reeves |
4 |
0 |
4 |
2 |
1.00 |
|
|
3 |
Rundle |
7 |
4 |
7 |
1 |
1.00 |
|
|
4 |
Vermaak |
4 |
0 |
18 |
0 |
4.50 |
|
|
5 |
Pearson |
4 |
0 |
22 |
1 |
5.50 |
|
|
6 |
Timms |
6 |
1 |
34 |
3 |
5.67 |
|
|
7 |
Shorten |
3 |
0 |
8 |
0 |
2.67 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note: O. Black batted twice |
|
||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from
the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R. P. Turner |
c Crofts b Brock |
21 |
(59) |
- |
- |
1-55 |
|
2 |
J. C. Bateman |
b Launchberry |
29 |
(66) |
1 |
- |
2-59 |
|
3 |
J. vdG. Webster |
not out |
17 |
(45) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
4 |
D. Shorten |
c K. Crawford b Launchberry |
24 |
(21) |
2 |
1 |
3-103 |
|
5 |
J. W. Pearson |
not out |
8 |
(12) |
- |
- |
- |
|
6 |
J. C. W. Hotson † |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
7 |
M. K. Reeves |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
8 |
G. J. Timms * |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
M. S. Rundle |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
A. Darley |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
C. J. Vermaak |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
NB1, W3, LB1, B10 |
15 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 3 wickets, 33.4 overs) |
114 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
B. Crawford |
7 |
2 |
13 |
0 |
1.86 |
|
|
2 |
K. Crawford |
7 |
0 |
12 |
0 |
1.71 |
|
|
3 |
Brock |
7 |
1 |
26 |
1 |
3.71 |
|
|
4 |
Bird |
4.4 |
0 |
23 |
0 |
4.93 |
|
|
5 |
Launchberry |
7 |
0 |
22 |
2 |
3.14 |
|
|
6 |
Crofts |
1 |
0 |
12 |
0 |
12.00 |
|
|
MOTM: M. S. Rundle Champagne Moment: J. C. W. Hotson & A. Darley’s combination to have O. Black caught
behind (proper cricket) Buffet Award: G. J. Timms’ value salted crisps (past the sell-by date) MAD
Moment: C. J. Vermaak’s moonball |
Opposition:
V078 / 09 Ground: G040 / 86 Captain: C022 / 110 Match No: 35 / 203 |