“A Year in the Making:

Pride Comes Before a Fall”

Match: 21 / 547

Lost by 20 runs

Team	Total
Denton CC	111 - 7
J. Bateman 2 - 17, J. Hoskins 2 - 18
FFTMCC	91 - 7
R. Turner 16, J. Bateman 16*

Twelve months later than advertised the drips and drabs of the FFTMCC touring party trickled into Brighton. That’s not extreme tardiness; just Covid causing a year long delay. Chairman Bullock was first to arrive and promptly began knocking down the door of the Basketmakers Arms. As he was finishing (what we assume wasn’t his) first pint the two tour youngsters, Bateman and Timms, arrived with their chaperone, Rundle. It was still before midday. WhatsApp location tracking told those four that the next three cars would be arriving close together in an hour or so. In the meantime, Matt’s sister Georgia and her friend Vicky made a grave judgement error in joining us for the next few hours drinking. Time for a few more Sunquakes on the sun-baked table the Chairman had procured.

Darley (with Geoff and Jake) pipped Mike (with Lego and Salad) for third place whilst a steady stream of swear words from Spam’s fingers described the car park situation on the aforementioned messaging service. Apparently, others are available. Right, Jake? Just to say; what a pleasure it was to see Salad’s rosy cheeks for the first time in quite some time. After car five (Russ, Spam, and JMO) waited the best part of half an hour for a parking spot the tour party was (nearly) finally complete – Tall Bob would be arriving on Friday. At this point, with Spam having threatened to withdraw from tour if forced to take a Covid test, all other tour members duly presented a negative lateral flow test. Spam was then sent home after a quick vote on whether he was a melodramatic idiot or not. Ah, we can but dream….

The multi-story car park. Never to be forgotten.

With everyone present there was only one thing to be done; find out whose day would be ruined by having to play cricket. Timms would escort Spam back to the car park to locate The MAD Top Trumps whilst the rest of the team explained the selection process to a suitably disinterested Georgia and Vicky. Dreams were dashed after cards were drawn randomly by Georgia and coins were tossed by players. Darley and Geoff looked rather smug. The selected 11 thus decided the only thing to do was head on to another pub – The White Rabbit. After sneaking off to the bookies (more on that to come) JMO would cram into the courtyard with the rest of us just in time to watch an overly aggressive seagull smash a glass. JMO would then present everyone with their Day 1 ‘Tour Prediction Game’ sheets. You could see the excitement on the teams’ faces, even if no one had Wood. Questions included how many runs would The MAD score on tour? How many times would Spam throw up? How many MAD players would be forced off through injury (much more on that later)? How much would JMO win the club on tour? There were also ‘in day’ questions. Top work, fella!

With most a good 4 or 5 pints in it seemed wise to go and check into the hotel. The full impact of only one lift working wouldn’t be truly appreciated by everyone at this point. Although Matt, with his room in the attic, knew what the next 3 and a bit days held in store. The MAD ranks assembled outside the Premier Inn where the amiable (today at least) Nicholas pulled up in his air-conditioned minibus. Bags were thrown in the back before players were scanned onto the bus. Given the amount of corrections I’m being told to make to this report I can only assume Bill gates is now watching my every move. After avoiding the traffic on one road by joining the traffic on another The MAD finally pulled up at our hosts Denton CC. They had coloured kit, not whites. Balls! They had a bar. Phew.

Having demonstrated his tossing prowess in winning the right to be captain for the evening Salad inevitably lost the toss for the game itself. Unsurprisingly, The MAD were asked to take to the field. Early boundaries were punctuated by early wickets from the ever-wily Hoskins (4-0-18-2). Howarth (4-0-14-0) bowled well without reward and Rundle bowled (4-0-32-0). Reeves (4-0-30-1) took a bit of tap from Lee Poulton (32*) and D. Eagle (22) before snagging M. Sharpe near the end of his spell. At the other end tour virgin J. Bateman (4-0-15-2) threw his hat in the ring for the James of the Match award. He’d also match James H’s direct run out exploits with a bullseye from the boundary rope. Two wickets (all bowled) and a direct run out apiece thus far. Denton couldn’t quite get a tune out of youngster F Sharpe and would end their 20 overs on 111. A gettable target – if you haven’t had 7 pints.

Timms pulling impressively to leg on his way to … oh

Regular MAD skippers Turner and Timms would open the batting. Four off the first over from decent pace bowler J. Jones (4-0-10-1) was solid enough. The 2nd over of the innings would be a maiden, with all 6 balls thrown down just close enough to the leg stump to not be called wides individually. As a whole…meh. Frustrated by this Timms (0) would bag the first duck of tour after skying one off Jones despite the keepers’ best efforts to drop it. Shorten (3) would also be caught – although in much more spectacular style. Smiting one away to square leg David smirked and began admiring his work… Six? Definitely four. Maybe six? Nope, a sublime low down catch out on the boundary by a young lady with a potentially big future in the sport – remember the name Katie Eagle.

Denton mixed their bowling up as Turner and Bullock struggled to find the gaps. K. Eagle (2-0-5-0) showed she could bowl as well as catch. F. Sharpe (2-0-8-1), Liam Poulton (2-0-3-0), and proud dad D. Eagle (1-0-2-1) hardly bled runs. Bullock (13) and Reeves (11) finished their innings with boundaries as The MAD tried to accelerate. At 54-4 with 5 overs to go, 111 looked a lot further away than it had at half time. Jake (5) nurdled a few before Hoskins sacrificed Rundle (1) off the latter’s first and only ball. Good strike rate, dude. At this juncture James B joined James H to resume their own personal battle. A single here, a single there. Advantage Hoskins (9*); four!

James H swings to cow.

With FFTMCC needing an improbable 38 to win off the last over you’d have forgiven either bat for protecting their average. Instead, the last 3 balls of the innings were the first six of tour, a four, and a three – all to James B (16*) who, in the process, secured champagne moment for said six (over covers) along with the James (and Man) of the Match award. The MAD ended up 20 runs shy on 91. Psycho had claimed buffet and his M Westmoreland-esque delivery on to his own toe saw The MAD Moment bestowed upon him too. If MAD Moment was voted for at the end of the day however….

Action from the industrial site end.

Attention turned once again to who would be in the team for Friday. Friday: probably the prized day off given everyone has a good 6+ hours to get pissed before playing. With coins being tossed further and further away Hotson identified a slanting roof to launch his on to. Timms caught sight of it and followed it with a laser focus. Such focus that he failed to see the bag by his feet that sent him ass over tit whilst soaking him in beer. He did not drop his bottle it must be said. Once everyone, oppo included, had stopped pissing themselves with laughter The MAD figured it best to tidy up and get back on the bus to Brighton in time for, yeah, a beer. All aboard. Let’s go! Not before some lady ran towards the bus saying, “You’ve left a bag behind... No, you’ve left a player behind!!!” If you’ve toured before, you’ll know it was Jake.

The MAD finished the night in hope and ruin. Also, the tour party visited The Hope and Ruin. A bar with a live DJ and people dancing. How liberating it was to go to the actual bar to order the drinks whilst surveying a room full of people just having a fuck ton of fun. Smiles could not be shaken. Other than when Russ thrusted his pelvis/arse out to Robbie Williams’ Rock DJ. Timms would also be told by a group of lesbians that Brighton is the gay capital of the UK. Do they not know he’s our quizmaster?

A huge thank you to Denton CC for a lovely evening played out in great spirit. May your season go well and, should we ever be back this way, we’ll hopefully see you again.

‘F. Aller’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Denton CC Played at Avis Road, Denton, 29 July 2021 Denton CC won the toss and elected to bat Denton CC won by 20 runs Far from the MCC debuts: n/a

21 / 547 20 over match

Team	Denton CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	S. Jeff	b Hoskins	12		1	1	1-14
2	A. Taylor	b Hoskins	5		-	-	2-26
3	Liam Poulton	b Bateman	26		2	-	4-91
4	Lee Poulton *	retired	32		4	1	-
5	D. Martin	b Bateman	0		-	-	3-77
6	D. Eagle	run out (Hoskins)	22		4	-	7-110
7	C. Balleste	run out (Bateman)	4		-	-	5-102
8	M. Sharpe †	b Reeves	0		-	-	6-107
9	F. Sharpe	not out	2		-	-	-
10	K. Eagle	not out	1		-	-	-
11	J. Jones
	Extras	W7	7
	TOTAL	(for 7 wickets, 20 overs)	111

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Howarth	4	0	14	0	3.50
2	Hoskins	4	0	18	2	4.50
3	Rundle	4	0	32	0	8.00
4	Bateman	4	0	17	2	4.25
5	Reeves	4	0	30	1	7.50

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. P. Turner	b D. Eagle	16	(29)	1	-	3-25
2	G. J. Timms	c Sharpe b Jones	0	(9)	-	-	1-5
3	D. Shorten	c K. Eagle b Sharpe	3	(6)	-	-	2-13
4	M. Bullock	b Taylor	13	(30)	1	-	5-55
5	M. K. Reeves	c Jones b Lee Poulton	11	(16)	2	-	4-53
6	J. C. W. Hotson	lbw b Martin	5	(10)	-	-	6-68
7	J. D. Hoskins	not out	9	(11)	1	-	-
8	M. S. Rundle	run out (Jones)	1	(1)	-	-	7-69
9	J. C. Bateman	not out	16	(9)	1	1	-
10	I. Howarth						-
11	J. Newman-Robson *†
	Extras	NB1, W10, LB3, B3	17
	TOTAL	(for 7 wickets, 20 overs)	91

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Jones	4	0	10	1	2.50
2	Martin	4	1	23	1	5.75
3	Sharpe	2	0	8	1	4.00
4	Liam Poulton	2	0	3	0	1.50
5	K. Eagle	2	0	5	0	2.50
6	D. Eagle	1	0	2	1	2.00
7	Jeff	2	0	14	0	7.00
8	Balleste	1	0	7	0	7.00
9	Lee Poulton	1	0	1	1	1.00
10	Taylor	1	0	5	1	5.00

MOTM: J. C. Bateman Champagne Moment: J. C. Bateman’s six over extra cover Buffet Award: M. S. Rundle’s cheap seaside candyfloss MAD Moment: M. S. Rundle’s dead ball after bowling hand strikes testicle and ball is dropped behind him on run up

Opposition: V121 / 01 Ground: G108 / 01 Captain: C029 / 03 Match No: 20 / 156