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“Mike’s Fault

 

 

Match:  21 / 541

Lost by 8 wkts

 

 

Team

 

Total

FFTMCC

98

M. Reeves  41,  R. Turner  19

 

UOHCC

101 - 2

C. Roberts  2 - 16

 

 

 

 

 

With the airwaves full of kiss and spread stories by Tory politicians, it almost went unnoticed that the FFTMCC were struggling manfully to rescue a Sunday of cricket. With the Harwellites opting to go down the League route, the stars would finally align for an inaugural match against the acronymically confusing UOHCC. This was very much a ‘United’ front of ‘Oxford Hospitals’ and not one of the other dozen translations banded about. A team destined to play The MAD for some three or four years, a game hampered by shit weather, an absence of a ground, pandemics and a myriad of other issues and problems.

 

 

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A clutch of Ulster Operational Heroes Hospital dudes.

 

 

With Brasenose booked by some blokes in jeans and shorts, today’s cricketing duel would be shifted next door to Queens College, home to The MAD’s solitary win of the season and a day to treasure because we didn’t lose. If weather apps were to be believed, it would start pissing down around 1pm, so the point of turning up and changing into whites would be inconsequential and a waste of everyone’s time and petrol. The discussion was had, as it always is on days like these, shitty forecasts and leaden skies, but no actual… real rain. The optimists won out and the game would survive.

 

Timms would ensure he had no say in the day by quickly losing the toss and being intrigued by the Universities of Halifax UOHCC’s decision to bowl first. Had they read our match reports? Seen our results? Known of The MAD’s ever lengthening injury crisis to the batting department? We will never know, unless we ask them. Hadfield OUT (hamstring) after life on the run. Sergeant Pearson OUT (shoulder) after close quarter combat behind enemy lines. Emerson OUT (ribs) after laughing at MAD batting. Howarth OUT (knee) after drunk parkour running… and the… (sigh)

 

 

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Mike on his way to finishing 109 in arrears….

 

 

Deciding that this was the day to have Mr Reeves hit the team’s maiden 150, six of the top order quickly got out to give him ample time at the crease. Turner paddled 19, Williams lumped 17, Timms and Rundle jointly slapped fourth top scores of 5, and Hoskins and Gerber blobbed. Mike now began his assault. Into the 10s, into the 20s, into the 30s, into the 40s, and… oh.

 

The shock of our left hander’s departure for a shameful and dispiriting 41, would pull the plug on The MAD innings two runs shy of a ton. Debutant Bateman (4) avoided the ignominy of a Duck on Debut (no mean achievement), with Roberts (1) and Vermaak (0) opting to leave Hotson defiant on not a lot not out. Pick of the Umbrella Organisation of Housing UOHCC bowling were G Halfhead (4-16) and young Ms Patel (5-26), the latter graciously sacrificing her bank savings for jugs of beer.

 

 

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Rundle hitting out and managing something other than a dot.

 

 

We haven’t seen a flapjack nor the Tintin tin for a good while and this autumnal day in June was no different. MAD Players collapsing to the turf during the interval with hypoglycaemic fits. It’s Mike’s fault, not his wife you understand, just like those missing 109 runs we were sure he promised.

 

On resumption of the game, the paparazzi descended on the ground to shoot thousands of photos as The MAD got splattered. Tall Bob did good with figures of 4-1-16-2, getting extra bounce from that thousand-foot vantage point of his, but everyone else wasn’t that good, with the other 9.1 overs going for 81 runs. Mr Timms sneakily nabbed buffet, but it was all Mike’s fault for getting clobbered at 12.93 an over. Talbot (60*) and Choudhry (30*) saw the Unbelievable Onion Harvest UOHCC home at a canter.

 

 

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Umpire under a South African attack!

 

 

This match was played in a fine spirit with no small modicum of humour and banter, a rivalry to nurture and one where The MAD will hopefully see the return of many of their absent bodies in years to come.

 

The final chapter of this day concerns Howarth finding a pint of draught cider at the Tap Social for “only” £4.50 and Mike causing the pub’s app to crash by using a fraudulent credit card. Matter finally resolved, there was ample time to bemoan the ageing process and ogle the quite stunning waitress in tight leather trousers, tumbling dark jumper, long ebony hair… and (ahem)… who for all intents and purposes, must have felt a quiet sadness for all the middle-aged men reliving the part of Kevin Spacey in American Beauty.

 

An amusing footnote to this match, was the groundsman (Dan) only charging the FFTMCC the going rate for a T20 match! Hahahaha!

 

 

‘Pat Arkour

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Isis CC

Played at Queens College, 27 June 2021

 

United Oxford Hospitals CC won the toss and elected to field

United Oxford Hospitals CC won by 8 wkts

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  James Christopher Bateman (162)

 

 

21 / 541

 

 

 

 

 

40 over match

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

R. P. Turner

c N. Halfhead b G. Halfhead

19

(32)

1

-

3-33

2

G. J. Timms *

b G. Halfhead

5

(7)

1

-

1-10

3

J. C. Bateman

c Choudhry b Gray

4

(20)

-

-

2-29

4

C. T. J. Williams

c  Choudhry b G. Halfhead

17

(18)

4

-

4-46

5

M. S. Rundle

b Patel

5

(35)

1

-

7-62

6

J. D. Hoskins

b G. Halfhead

0

(1)

-

-

5-46

7

D. Gerber

b Patel

0

(3)

-

-

6-46

8

M. K. Reeves

c Choudhry b Patel

41

(44)

7

-

10-97

9

C. D. Roberts

b Patel

1

(11)

-

-

8-79

10

C. J. Vermaak

c Gray b Patel

0

(5)

-

-

9-85

11

J. C. W. Hotson †

not out

0

(5)

-

-

-

 

Extras

W4, B1

5

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 30.1 overs)

97

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

G. Halfhead

8

3

16

4

2.00

 

2

Gray

8

1

30

1

3.75

 

3

Patel

7.1

2

26

5

3.63

 

4

Angrish

4

0

14

0

3.50

 

5

J. Halfhead

3

0

10

0

3.33

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

United Oxford Hospitals CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

J. Talbot

not out

60

(39)

11

-

-

2

N. Halfhead †

c Hotson b Roberts

0

(4)

-

-

1-7

3

N. Khan

b Roberts

10

(11)

2

-

2-29

4

T. Choudhry

not out

30

(18)

3

-

-

5

J. Halfhead

 

 

 

 

 

 

6

R. Angrish

 

 

 

 

 

 

7

A. Gray

 

 

 

 

 

 

8

J. Venables

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

G. Halfjead

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

J. Lamerton *

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

P. Patel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

B1

1

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 2 wickets, 13.1 overs)

101

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Hoskins

2

0

15

0

7.50

 

2

Roberts

4

1

16

2

4.00

 

3

Vermaak

3

0

10

0

3.33

 

4

Reeves

2.1

0

28

0

12.92

 

5

Timms

2

0

28

0

14.00

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  M. K. Reeves

Champagne Moment:  C. D. Roberts’ wicket (bowled)

Buffet Award:  G. J. Timms’ value flapjacks (undercooked)

MAD Moment:  I. Howarth’s shining of ball (for opposition) before Hoskins is bowled to an inswinging yorker first ball

 

 

Opposition:  V0 / 0

Ground:  G0 / 0

Captain:  C0 / 0

Match No:  40 / 0