“Me and Geoff: European Tour”

Match: 21 / 531

Lost by 20 runs

Team	Total
Enstone CC	164 - 9
M. Reeves 2 -
FFTMCC	144
C. Williams 45

Geoff borrowed his sister’s car this weekend gone, so it saved me having to get up with a hangover and make excuses about late pickups and bullshit directions. The caveat was of course that my man couldn’t get stuck into the beer, but fear not, mate – I got your back.

Another fly in the ointment was picking Williams up on the way, you see his dad’s house is smack bang in the middle of all this LTN bollocks, so almost inaccessible. For the uneducated, the local council has decided to try out a six month trial whereby they block the side roads of central Oxford with cones and piss ant flower beds, and displace traffic to the main arteries to create congestion, increased pollution and misery for local residents. If there was an alternative for travel, such as an underground, a cable car system, trams or ferries, everyone would, but there isn’t. There’s no nothing… just loads of angry drivers swearing at arseholes on bicycles and wanky pedestrians.

After spending a few days unravelling ourselves from the web of designated Low Traffic Neighbourhoods, it was onto Estonia Enstone for the afternoon cricket soiree. It is a venue catering for old buggers who still play the sport, enthusiastic vandals, and local bumpkins who like a pint or ten. Geoff remembers fondly how his new van was stolen a decade ago and used to ram raid the pavilion to snatch the contents of the fruit machine and bar.

I haven’t played this fixture in years, opting for some Vitamin D out amongst the Greek islands, and joining in with the locals for several gallons of Mythos and some heart-warming EU bashing. The Greeks are a proud and inspiring population and they like nothing better than slamming Merkel and the German banks for plunging the country into an eternity of spiralling debt. They never mention WWII either. Of course, they’d sod off tomorrow and do a Grexit, escaping the quagmire of bureaucratic nonsense, but please see the previous sentence relating to monetary concerns.

Timms hears some derogatory comment about his coin toss ratio.

But we digress, what about the game itself. Well, Gary nailed the loss of the toss, again, so it was all hands to the pump to finish off your pre-game pints and bugger off out into the field (of misbegotten dreams). Opening batsman Pearson (5-1-13-0) bowled okay, as did the guy with the Big Head (7-1-19-2), keeper Hotson taking a blinder down the leg side as his glovesmanship comes on with advancing years. It’s amazing what can be achieved in daylight hours. Rundle (7-1-23-2) shuffled in like he’d never been away, proving that innocuous rubbish is pretty hard to hit, especially at this level. Of course, my figures (2-0-24-0) would have been far better but for an overzealous umpire who wided me for taking the varnish off the stumps. I mean seriously, read the instruction manual, eh? But we’ll leave it there… for now.

Harris (7-1-45-2) copped a beating before Enstone’s masterblaster (Chaminda 68) decided to put one down the skipper’s neck at deep long on. You can’t blame the fella for trying, he’d just seen Gary watch one dribble between his legs, much akin to a Saturday night drunk after pissing against a wall, so obviously Chimmy thought quite correctly it was of zero risk.

Gary (6-1-28-2) also redeemed himself against the rabbits in the Estonia Enstone order, as a late Bullock salvo (1-0-7-1) left the home team on very par total of 163-9. Time for tea and Mike’s flapjacks, and another pint, especially if you weren’t having to concern yourself with any driving for the day.

Williams hares off as the bar is reopened.

In reply, Turner (12) poked and paddled and as Williams (45) was caught at the ninth time of asking, just as his old man turned up to roll his eyes skyward and mutter under his breath. Geoff’s (13) was a masterclass of edges and misses and I got the ball of the day, one that did sod all, held its line and edge me if you can. For the second time in as many games, a feather and time to retreat to the bar (2), head held high, bat tucked firmly under the arm, not waiting for an umpire’s finger, just the acclaim of your opponent acknowledging your dignity and fine sporting behaviour. Fuck sake.

Thereon, the run rate climbed as Bullock (6) and opening batsman Pearson (8) fell in quick succession. Timms’ (17) was a delicious little cameo with Reeves (9) defying the laws of physics by hitting a ball with so much backspin even the bails looked confused. Rundle didn’t bother, Jake (3) didn’t much either and Lord Lucan II (Mr Harris) was left defiant and unbeaten on 9 not out. 143 all out for The MAD, just 20 runs shy but at least we’d nearly batted our overs out. Time for a few more pints with our hosts and a good bloody moan.

Tuner faces Chaminda as Umpire Pearson wishes he’d brought a jumper.

The journey home was a good one, I was pissed and Geoff was upbeat dissecting what would have been 130 not out if he was thirty years younger. He had a sparkle in his eye and memories of poultry were a planet away. Then we hit central Oxford….

After an estimated thirty million pounds to “improve” the Woodstock Road roundabout in the throwaway name of the Northern Gateway, we queued for bloody ages in lieu of no underpass, no overpass, and no… well, any noticeable signs of improvement whatsoever. I mean, which “educated” council geniuses came together to spunk all this tax money on… (sigh). We then came to a further halt on the ring road not a mile away. A further set of lights now conveniently straddles the bypass dividing the new Barton Park estate (home to nobody with no infrastructure) and Marston (home to somebody and loads of infrastructure). Here we sat, stalled again, cursing corrupt housing regulators and watching similarly disenfranchised motorists tying tourniquets around their necks. All the while lamenting the days of yore and free flowing Oxford traffic….

But, before we turn the page on this day (and moan), I want to rewind to the start of the match, or rather the minute’s silence instigated by Mr Watts, in which both sets of players stood in solidarity to pay their respects to the recently departed Graeme Speke. A much beloved member of the Estonia Enstone fraternity, Graeme wasn’t swallowed up by the pandemic and the coronavirus, but by that now forgotten scourge of humankind, cancer. As we stood in near silence staring at the turf, the rustle of wind in the trees and the odd bird song seemed so very poignant, evermore so given the woes of the world this past year.

If you ever read this total drivel Graeme, all the very best from the Far from the MCC, and may you enjoy that great gig in the sky, our paths may one day meet.

‘Me’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Enstone CC Played at Enstone CC, 2 May 2021 Enstone CC won the toss and elected to bat Enstone CC won by 20 runs Far from the MCC debuts: n/a

21 / 531 35 over match

Team	Enstone CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	A. Smith	b Reeves	14		2	-	2-21
2	B. Gregory	c Hotson b Reeves	1		-	-	1-6
3	C. Wimalarathna	c Timms b Harris	68		9	1	5-133
4	F. Forder †	b Rundle	4		-	-	3-36
5	W. Gilbert	c Hotson b Rundle	4		1	-	4-54
6	M. Brook	c Rundle b Timms	32		1	-	6-135
7	Ranjan	b Harris	1		-	-	7-136
8	T. Gilbert	b Bullock	9		-	-	9-159
9	D. Stewart	lbw b Timms	5		1	-	8-154
10	J. Watts *	not out	4		-	-	-
11	T. Peterson	not out	4		1	-	-
	Extras	W9, LB6, B2	17
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 35 overs)	163

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Reeves	7	1	19	2	2.71
2	Pearson	5	1	13	0	2.60
3	Rundle	7	1	23	2	3.29
4	Howarth	2	0	24	0	12.00
5	Harris	7	1	45	2	6.43
6	Timms	6	1	28	2	4.67
7	Bullock	1	0	7	1	7.00

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. P. Turner	c Forder b Brook	12	(45)	-	-	1-52
2	C. T. J. Williams	c Gregory b Peterson	45	(37)	6	-	2-60
3	G. Carter	b Watts	13	(41)	-	-	6-112
4	I. Howarth	c Forder b Brook	2	(9)	-	-	3-62
5	M. Bullock	b Gilbert	6	(21)	-	-	4-77
6	J. W. Pearson	c Watts b Gilbert	8	(9)	1	-	5-86
7	G. J. Timms *	c Wimalarathna b Watts	17	(18)	2	-	7-127
8	M. K. Reeves	b Ranjan	9	(10)	-	-	8-131
9	J. Harris	not out	8	(10)	-	-	-
10	M. S. Rundle	b Ranjan	0	(1)	-	-	9-131
11	J. C. W. Hotson †	c and b Watts	3	(9)	-		10-143
	Extras	NB3, W4, LB1, B12	20
	TOTAL	(all out, 34.3 overs)	143

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Watts	6.3	0	17	3	2.62
2	Wimalarathna	3	0	12	0	4.00
3	Brook	7	2	16	2	2.29
4	Peterson	7	2	30	1	4.29
5	Stewart	4	0	22	0	5.50
6	Gilbert	3	0	16	1	5.33
7	Ranjan	4	0	17	2	4.25

MOTM: G. J. Timms Champagne Moment: J. C. W. Hotson’s splendid leg side catch as keeper Buffet Award: I. Howarth’s marinated dogshit with extra lumps MAD Moment: R. P. Turner’s limp-wristed throw to himself aimed at keeper (stood some 50 yards away….)

Opposition: V073 / 10 Ground: G061 / 07 Captain: C022 / 102 Match No: 35 / 194