“The Producers”
Match: 22
/ 569
Won
by 1 run
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
160 - 9 |
|
J. Bateman
59, A. Darley 52 |
|
|
|
|
|
OUP |
159 |
|
G. Timms
4 - 35, C. Williams 3 - 3 |
|
|
In recent weeks I’ve been to see a few films at the cinema.
Jurassic World Dominion is an utter farce that often laughs at itself
knowing, as it does, that it is what it is. Thor;
Love & Thunder was Taika Waititi’s second go at rewriting the comic book
genre; full, as it is, of zany out of place characters spouting their
familiar schtick. Baz Lurhmann’s Elvis was a more
than pleasant surprise; an aesthetic joy and aural delight specked with
absurdity. Why do I tell you this? Well, The MAD’s Sunday game vs OUP was all
three of those movies in one; simultaneously a farce and a masterpiece with
an ensemble cast all clamouring for the limelight. A 'farcesterpiece'? The pub beforehand told tales of drunken poker, saw Darley
over appreciating his own joke, and presented an increasingly confused David
Emerson as JMO tore into his native New Zealand. ‘A dull grey land full of
arsehole hippies that has nothing of any worth to see’. I’m pretty sure David
still isn’t sure whether it was joke or not. Either way, excellent revenge
for a certain comment on WhatsApp a few days previous.
Brasenose aka Death Valley. Director Turner’s decision to bat in the Death Valley heat was
one his ten charges were happy with, nay, proud of. Whilst a few took the
chance to hydrate, and others took the opportunity to ‘hydrate’, openers
Bateman and C. Williams strode out to the middle. A sprightly start
catapulted The MAD to 29 off 5 overs before Williams (18) got the first good
one from SK Ravi (6-1-24-2). An over-promoted Timms would then go and splunk 1 run over short cover before being bowled by a
ball that should have been harrumphed towards the river. Good things come to
those who wait. On which note… After Emerson (1) and Turner had both proved that the OUP
keepers’ gloves worked our enigmatic anti-hero Andrew Darley thrust himself
centre stage. With opening act Bateman still ticking along and films
generally averaging about 3 hours these days Darley would have plenty of time
get the kind of score we all know he can. A studious start was followed by a
flurry of boundaries, including a rather large six. In previous instalments of
this movie franchise the plot would continue to race along, unrelenting. Not
this time though as Andy channelled his inner Woody Allen to deliver an
unflinching soliloquy of 16 dot balls. A screaming six ended this period of
self-reflection. In a sub-plot, at the other end, young James (59) had moved
serenely to his second MAD fifty. He would later once again receive no MOTM
votes for said achievement. The old really do detest the young. Upon his
dismissal, Hoskins (0), Hotson (0), and Roberts (0) would all see their
scenes cut from the final edit. Or something like that. Our leading light was
44* when Webster (4*) joined him – there were three overs left. Jan gave as
much of the spotlight as he could to Darley and, despite some forgetting of
lines and a few required retakes, Andy finally got those 12 Monkeys off his
shoulder. A wonderful half century spoiled only by the passe plot device of
being bowled out (Kanchan – 5-0-29-3) on immediate completion of said fifty…
two. 161 would be needed by the visitors.
Twelve years on … another MAD Darley
fifty. A mid-credits scene featured a well shepherded Kaito Williams
(7*) cameo that you couldn’t help but feel would be of meaning to the next,
and final, part. Tea was a quiet and relaxed affair with a nice opportunity
to catch up with Psycho. Not that one. The sequel to the opening innings
could have been split into two distinct sections, but Peter Jackson wasn’t
present. It wasn’t so much Desolation of Smaug as just general desolation in
the early going of the OUP reply. Jackson (not that one) nurdled a well-paced
21 in support of Seshadri (37) as Emerson (4-0-10-0) and Roberts (4-0-24-0)
bowled well without reward. Veteran player Hoskins (7-1-23-1) nabbed the
breakthrough when Seshadri was smartly stumped by Hotson. A few overs later
we were all stumped by Hotson. Amid the celebrations of a smart Darley
C&B it was suddenly noted that Jake was in a sort of provocative but also
seemingly uncomfortable position on the floor. As he sought to find comfort
his movements were less Sharon Stone and more Sly
Stallone. Now. At 76 years old. Given the temperature, one’s basic instinct
was to propose he take a few minutes out. Director Turner taking over the
gloves. Timms did for Hafeez to leave the visitors 86-3 after 25
overs. Pretty even you’d say. Birdman Chris Heron had been absent for a few
years from games vs OUP. As much as it was pleasant to see him, it also
wasn’t, as the figures of Timms and K Williams were soured somewhat. Heron
(58) would also adhere to the fifty and out narrative as he chased a wide one
from K Williams (3-0-32-1). One flew over the cuckoo’s nest indeed. A tasty
and bubbly first Mad wicket for young Kaito. A first of many you tend to
think. Also, a return to the field after half an hour or so in the shade for
Mr Hotson. Some shade that probably helped him hold on to a dying catch. Some
shade that we may all need in the coming weeks.
At 139-4 with 7 overs to go, OUP would have thought the script
had been finalised, but C Williams (3-2-3-3) and Timms began to Mad-lib. A
wicket in each of the next four overs would suddenly leave the viewer unaware
of how this might end. Unless you’re MAD cheerleader
Mike Reeves, in which case you look at the scoreboard, decide there’s no
hope, and thus head in to tidy up the mess left after teas. Bring It On. A
loose Timms over left the visitors needing three runs to win from the final
two overs. I’d say it may be time to leave the cinema to beat the crowds but
there’s no one in them anymore. The conversations between numbers 9, 10, and J must have
surely been along the lines of; “Nothing silly. Bat on ball. Keep out the
good ones and put away the loose balls”. Old Nuno Williams wasn’t really
bowling loose balls but given the couple of swipes witnessed something must
have got Lost in Translation. One swipe too many would see OUP lose their 9th
wicket, but a scampered bye would see them edge to 159 at the start of the
final over. One to tie. Two to win. Timms (4-0-35*-4) with ball in hand. * - It may say 37 in the book, but
some people can’t fucking add up.
This photo does not fit the narrative
flow, but JMO would shoot the editor if it were not included (OUP drop). With the words of Hoskins echoing through his mind up went the
grenade. Lobbed up and loopy but bang on the stumps. 'You've got to give 'em something they think they can hit'. Much like Timms
had tried to whack such a ball into the river earlier, OUP’s number 11
attempted similarly to land one in the White House garden. (Not that White
House). Director Turner commented that he knew the bat was going to miss it
as soon as it came out the hand. I guess that’s the advantage of being the
director. Jubilation amongst The MAD ranks. “I told yous”
from the eternally optimistic. Bemusement from the pessimists… And scene(s).
Someone had to explain the ending to Mike who couldn’t quite
fathom it. Perhaps the sun had got to him as well? Or maybe it was the fact
he didn’t watch it due to lack of faith. Credits were given to all those that
participated – a proper team win – with specific mentions for Timms, Bateman
and Williams Snr and special awards going to Darley and Williams Jnr. A real
feel-good family romp if ever there was one. More. More. ‘M. K. Ermode’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far From the MCC versus Oxford
University Press CC Played at Brasenose College, 10 July
2022 Far From the MCC won the toss and
elected to bat Far From the MCC won by 1 run Far from the MCC debuts: n/a |
22 / 569 35 over match |
|
Team |
Far From the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. C. Bateman |
st Chaganti b Jackson |
59 |
(77) |
9 |
- |
5-136 |
|
2 |
C. T. J. Williams |
b Ravi |
18 |
(20) |
4 |
- |
1-29 |
|
3 |
G. J. Timms |
b Vickers |
1 |
(4) |
- |
- |
2-36 |
|
4 |
D. Emerson |
c Chaganti b Ravi |
1 |
(6) |
- |
- |
3-44 |
|
5 |
R. P. Turner * |
c Chaganti b Anand |
6 |
(13) |
1 |
- |
4-57 |
|
6 |
A. Darley |
b Kanchan |
52 |
(68) |
7 |
2 |
9-150 |
|
7 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b Jackson |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
6-138 |
|
8 |
J. C. W. Hotson † |
b Kanchan |
0 |
(7) |
- |
- |
7-139 |
|
9 |
C. D. Roberts |
b Kanchan |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
8-139 |
|
10 |
J. vdG. Webster |
not out |
4 |
(5) |
- |
- |
- |
|
11 |
K. A. Kawada-Williams |
not out |
7 |
(6) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
NB1, W7, LB1, B3 |
12 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 9 wickets, 35 overs) |
160 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Seshadri |
3 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
5.33 |
|
|
2 |
Ravi |
6 |
1 |
24 |
2 |
4.00 |
|
|
3 |
Vickers |
6 |
0 |
31 |
1 |
5.17 |
|
|
4 |
Anand |
6 |
2 |
12 |
1 |
2.00 |
|
|
5 |
Patel |
5 |
0 |
34 |
0 |
6.80 |
|
|
6 |
Kanchan |
5 |
0 |
29 |
3 |
5.80 |
|
|
7 |
Jackson |
4 |
1 |
11 |
2 |
2.75 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Oxford University Press CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R. Jackson |
c and b Darley |
21 |
|
1 |
- |
2-68 |
|
2 |
B. Seshadri |
st Hotson b Hoskins |
37 |
|
6 |
- |
1-58 |
|
3 |
C. A. Heron |
c Hotson b Kawada-Williams |
58 |
|
11 |
1 |
4-135 |
|
4 |
U. Hafeez |
lbw b Timms |
6 |
|
- |
- |
3-86 |
|
5 |
S. Holford * |
c and b Timms |
7 |
|
- |
- |
5-139 |
|
6 |
A. Chaganti † |
lbw b Williams |
5 |
|
1 |
- |
6-146 |
|
7 |
J. Vickers |
b Timms |
1 |
|
- |
- |
7-146 |
|
8 |
A. Kanchan |
b Williams |
1 |
|
- |
- |
9-158 |
|
9 |
K. Saunders Patel |
b Williams |
1 |
|
- |
- |
8-147 |
|
10 |
S. K. Ravi |
not out |
9 |
|
1 |
- |
- |
|
11 |
S. Anand |
b Timms |
0 |
|
- |
- |
10-159 |
|
|
Extras |
NB4, W2, LB1, B6 |
13 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 34.1 overs) |
159 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Emerson |
4 |
0 |
10 |
0 |
2.50 |
|
|
2 |
Roberts |
4 |
0 |
24 |
0 |
6.00 |
|
|
3 |
Hoskins |
7 |
1 |
23 |
1 |
3.29 |
|
|
4 |
Darley |
7 |
0 |
23 |
1 |
3.29 |
|
|
5 |
Timms |
6.1 |
0 |
35 |
4 |
5.68 |
|
|
6 |
Kawada-Williams |
3 |
0 |
32 |
1 |
10.67 |
|
|
7 |
Williams |
3 |
1 |
3 |
3 |
1.00 |
|
|
MOTM: A. Darley Champagne Moment: K. A. Williams first
MAD wicket (Big Bird) Buffet Award: K. A. Williams spectacular Karē raisu (extra side salad) MAD
Moment: J. C. W. Hotson collapsing
after drinking 2.5 pints before the game |
Opposition:
V019 / 30 Ground: G040 / 88 Captain: C024 / 61 Match No: 35 / 209 |