“The Liberal left”

Match: 23 / 612

Match Abandoned

Team	Total
Nettlebed CC	127 - 5
M. Reeves 2 - 28
FFTMCC

Nettlebed clearly have a copy of ‘Hitting Against The Spin’. There was one huge giveaway. No, not Timms getting twatted about again. He’d have to be spinning the ball for them to be able to hit against it. No team has that amount of left-handers just because. One of the Nettlebed number pinned it on the village milkman, but there’s more to it than that. I’ll spare you the intricacies but basically left-handers make for better openers, statistically speaking. Nettlebed took this analysis a step further by having 5 of their top 6 bat the wrong way around. Maybe more? Although they may have missed the bit in the book where it says the advantage of being a left hander diminishes as you drop down the cricketing strata. Most of the advantage for a left-hander comes from the LBW rule. It’s just much harder to get a leftie out LBW. Isn’t it Mike? Anyway, on to things a little less ‘sinistre’…

Stock footage of Reeves hurling down some left-arm pie and collapsing with bad wind.

Somehow, out of nowhere, this was the last game of the season. It’s build up was, entirely predictably, centred around the British weather. The recent Indian summer giving way to an Indonesian monsoon season for one day – according to ‘all the apps’. Deluge. Downpour. Shitting it down. Pissing it down. Regardless of all those ‘rain’ synonyms being used in the days and hours before, nothing changed; the pilgrimage was made to Nettlebed for the scheduled 1pm start. A few arrived just after midday with the promise of an open bar at the ground. Open as in accessible, not free. That failed to materialise (on both counts), but getting a pint at the White Hart was allegedly no easier. A £6.50 cheese toastie however, no problem at all.

When all and sundry had eventually convened discussion zeroed quickly back to the weather. There was ‘no point in being here’, ‘we’d have about 90 minutes’, or ‘we’d be absolutely fine’ depending on your app of choice and your disposition. It does beg the question, what happened in the days before mobile phones with weather apps? Presumably you just turned up and gave it a good old go? You’d wait (for a decent amount of time) for it to stop if it started. You’d, you know, as a cricket team, try and play cricket. That can be added to this season’s list of grumbles. Stop shouting ‘have a go’!!!! FFS.

Battle of the weather apps. Harris v Shorten.

Arriving at the fourth paragraph of a match report with very little mention of the days’ play means one of two things; you’re reading a Tour match report, or it shitted/pissed it down. You know which one this is. Some stuff did happen though. After shortening the game to a T20 The MAD were asked to field and raced through 15.1 overs in 54 minutes. For their part, Nettlebed dealt only in singles or boundaries in amassing 127-5 in said time. Most of those boundaries creamed to the rope, rather than semi-skimmed. There had been light drizzle throughout most of the 54 minutes but shortly after the ball had landed in the adjacent pond the rain became… well, more wet and rainier. Fantasy players yet to play a Sunday Joker throughout the land let out howls of derision. More howlier than most were Russ and Mike, (frantically totting up points between the shared-out wickets and catches that they knew would never be enough), who had genuine chances of moving into the points paying positions. Never leave it until the last game, gents. Never.

Another great ‘action’ shot from the day…

Mr Reeves did have the good grace to catch one off Rundle’s bowling despite their close battle to be the season’s leading wicket taker. Most of us could see our treasurer doing his sums as the ball looped to him. He knew he was a few clear and Mark only had five balls left. Kudos to you Mike, and to the Comeback Player of the Year, Psycho. Spam sadly wasn’t afforded the chance to plunder the 400 or so runs he needed to catch Nuno at the top of that chart. We’ll never know if he would have done it or not. Thoroughly well batted this year Mr Williams. Shorten (rightly) ordered Spam out of the way to snare his 17th catch of the season – equalling the record for most dismissals in a season in the process (22). Spam had spent most of the previous week bemoaning that he ‘hadn’t had a chance to catch anything’ during the 2023 season. After witnessing his now customary boundary rope treacle run and walking too far underneath one… no objection here; he has had no chance of catching anything this year.

With the rain seemingly set in and The MAD retreating to the changing room, Champagne Harris (thank you) and Mad Mike (also MoTM) nabbed the last of the years’ in game awards. Mike’s car had been parked safely in his eyes. He just didn’t account for the plethora of left-handers plinking the ball to deep midwicket. I mean, how could he have foreseen such a thing? Inevitably, with awards dished out and everything shoved back into kit bags for the winter, the rain abated to leave behind a sultry Sunday afternoon. Albeit with a still rather damp outfield and square. For the second year in a row, the scheduled season denouement had been ‘reign’ affected.

A common sight this season half way through a match.

With the AGM pencilled in for December 1st the usual talk of winter curry nights and/or Sunday roasts surfaced. Nuno promised to lose some money at poker. [Not to Darley, obvs]. Lee had a(nother) cold shower. Russ threatened to resign the Captaincy. We think it was a threat. Lego contemplated buying some new pants, whilst Spam nearly left his behind. Or was it a box Lego was after? The draft beer ran out. The bottles of Peroni ran out. There may have been some cider left. At least something was relatively dry.

All over for another year then, with Mike poised on 299 career wickets. Let me take this opportunity to urge you all to re-read reports, reminisce, and remember your favourite 2023 moments ahead of the AGM. Russ nearly collapsing at Enstone on April 30th seems a long time ago. Was your highlight Psycho’s 3 wickets in his first over back on these plains? Maybe it was Joe’s first MAD 50? Perhaps it was the record margin of victory at Wantage? One of Lego’s 756 catches? The Geoffball inspired HQ T20 win? It was probably any of the myriad ridiculous events of Tour, or just Tour in general. (It’s) not Wendy.  Ah, who am I kidding? It was Mike falling over a fence. 2023; consider your box firmly shut.

Looking back to Joe’s first MAD 50 just a fortnight ago….

’The Fat Lady’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far From the MCC versus Nettlebed CC Played at Nettlebed, 17 September 2023 Nettlebed CC won the toss and elected to bat Match Abandoned (rain) Far from the MCC debuts: n/a

23 / 612 20 over match

Team	Nettlebed CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. Simmons †	c Williams b Darley	18	(18)	3	-	1-12
2	M. Butler *	b Reeves	2	(7)	-	-	2-51
3	S. Butler	c Shorten b Reeves	19	(14)	2	1	3-63
4	M. Vines	c Harris b Timms	33	(18)	2	3	4-114
5	L. Vockins	not out	28	(26)	4	-	5-127
6	D. Harmes	c Reeves b Rundle	3	(8)	-	-
7	J. V. Davis
8	M. McAllister
9	H. Graham
10	R. Graham
11	R.V. Davis
	Extras	W6, LB8, B10	24
	TOTAL	(for 5 wickets, 15.1 overs)	127

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Reeves	4	1	28	2	7.00
2	Darley	4	0	23	1	5.75
3	Timms	4	0	35	1	8.75
4	Rundle	3.1	0	27	1	8.53

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	C. T. J. Williams
2	D. Shorten
3	L. G. Ainsworth †
4	J. D. Hoskins
5	I. Howarth
6	A. Darley
7	R. P. Turner *
8	M. K. Reeves
9	G. J. Timms
10	J. Harris
11	M. S. Rundle
	Extras
	TOTAL

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1
2
3

MOTM: M. K. Reeves Champagne Moment: J. Harris’ excellent catch on the deep square boundary Buffet Award: G. J. Timms’ cheesecake and camembert sides with a tasty blue cheese sauce MAD Moment: M. K. Reeves’ car being hit on the glass roof by a skied maximum walloped over cow (no breakage)

Opposition: V116 / 003 Ground: G106 / 003 Captain: C024 / 082 Match No: 20 / 182