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Current Players  |  Selected Non-Current Players  |  Historical Numerical List

 

 

 

 

Current Player Profiles

(Updated to end of Season 2020)

 

 

*

 

 

“A”

A  |  B  |  C  |  D  |  E  |  H  |  J  |  L  |  M  |  N  |  P  |  R  |  S  |  T  |  V  |  W

 

 

 

 

 

 

#114

 

Lee Grant Ainsworth

 

Nickname:

Moaner,  Chunter,  Swear Hotline,

Whores Entail

Birthplace:

n/a

Debut:

2011

Match:

220

DOB:

10 / 06 / 81

Height:

5’ 11”

Type:

LH bat,  Right-arm medium

#1 Single:

Adam & The Ants – “Stand and Deliver”

 

 

 

 

 

Cynical, downbeat and eternally grumpy, Lee finally made good on his word to leave his League frustrations behind and concentrate on winning The MAD POTS award for 2016, and in doing so beating someone else to the prize who deserved it more. Technically gifted with bat and ball, despite being left handed, he plundered runs for fun when he wasn’t hitting full tosses straight to fielders. Allied to his wonderful cricketing nous, he is also supremely gifted in moaning. Scarcely a minute passes by without some barbed or disparaging remark concerning blinkered fielding positions or shitty bowling changes.

 

Despite such a rich cricketing pedigree and instant formal standing, it is perhaps reassuring that chinks in his professional veneer are often exposed on Tour. One delights in recalling his alcoholic corpse being peeled off a hotel floor, poured into some whites, before being sent out to register a duck among the regal settings of Pylewell Park, Lymington.

 

Sadly, Mr Ainsworth has been unavailable for a few seasons and appearances may well be at a premium this one. What is guaranteed, is that if he does return to a very warm embrace, his fleeting efforts on the field will probably supersede a year’s worth of rubbish from other members of the team.

 

Lee is a left hander unfortunately and thus considered to be handicapped.

 

 

 

 

Batting

 

M

I

NO

R

Avg

HS

BF

SR

4

6

0

50

100

T20

25

19

5

439

31.36

64

429

102.33

47

9

-

1

-

35 ovs

16

14

4

495

49.50

72*

672

73.66

51

5

1

4

-

40 ovs

18

18

3

522

34.80

83

828

63.04

50

5

-

4

-

Timed

1

1

0

51

51.00

51

64

79.69

9

-

-

1

-

Other

3

3

1

62

31.00

53*

78

79.49

6

-

1

1

-

 

Totals

 

63

 

55

 

13

 

1569

 

37.36

 

83

 

2071

 

75.76

 

163

 

19

 

2

 

11

 

0

 

Bowling

 

M

O

M

R

W

Best

Avg

Econ

SR

5wi

Ct

St

RO

T20

25

36

4

164

15

3-7

10.93

4.56

14.40

-

6

-

6

35 ovs

16

54.3

2

243

15

4-31

16.20

4.46

21.80

-

4

-

5

40 ovs

18

37

10

124

9

3-16

13.78

3.35

24.67

-

5

-

6

Timed

1

2.1

0

17

1

1-17

17.00

7.85

13.00

-

-

-

-

Other

3

12

0

48

5

4-27

9.60

4.00

14.40

-

2

-

2

 

Totals

 

42

 

89.4

 

11

 

357

 

30

 

4-27

 

11.90

 

3.98

 

17.93

 

0

 

17

 

0

 

19

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#154

 

Max Winton Anderson

 

Nickname:

Winters,  Sex A Norman,  Madonnas Rex

Birthplace:

n/a

Debut:

2019

Match:

488

DOB:

-

Height:

5’ 10

Type:

RH bat,  Right-arm slow

#1 Single:

-

 

 

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Unusually optimistic or more realistically naive, Max was roped into experiencing regular MAD defeats by Club stalwart Mike Reeves. With obviously nothing better to do and perhaps convinced a pack of lies, Mr Anderson has enjoyed fleeting successes in being slightly better than the rubbish that surrounds him.

 

Promising with both bat and ball, it is easy to see Max slotting more purposefully into the team in the coming years, especially if he avoids being dispatched on some tour of duty to help some misbegotten oafs duelling with some despot dictator. That wasn’t the case in 2020, but he did manage to turn up for one game where he was thrown under the bus by having to bowl at some guy who used to play county cricket.

 

Max is a sucker for sorting out issues that persist in the Middle East.

 

 

 

 

Batting

 

M

I

NO

R

Avg

HS

BF

SR

4

6

0

50

100

T20

4

3

2

16

16.00

12

12

133.33

2

-

-

-

-

35 ovs

1

1

0

0

0.00

0

1

0.00

-

-

1

-

-

40 ovs

1

1

0

3

3.00

3

9

33.33

-

-

-

-

-

Timed

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Totals

 

6

 

5

 

2

 

19

 

6.33

 

12

 

22

 

86.36

 

2

 

0

 

1

 

0

 

0

 

Bowling

 

M

O

M

R

W

Best

Avg

Econ

SR

5wi

Ct

St

RO

T20

4

11

0

72

1

1-20

72.00

6.55

66.00

-

-

-

-

35 ovs

1

3

0

16

0

-

-

5.33

-

-

-

-

-

40 ovs

1

1.4

0

13

0

-

-

7.80

-

-

-

-

-

Timed

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Totals

 

6

 

15.4

 

0

 

101

 

1

 

1-20

 

101.00

 

6.45

 

94.00

 

0

 

0

 

0

 

0

 

 

 

 

 

“B”

A  |  B  |  C  |  D  |  E  |  H  |  J  |  L  |  M  |  N  |  P  |  R  |  S  |  T  |  V  |  W

 

 

 

 

 

 

#18

 

Matt Bullock

 

Nickname:

Warnie,  Beermatt,  Totem Bullwhack

Birthplace:

Solihull, Warwickshire

Debut:

1998

Match:

004

DOB:

28 / 01 / 71

Height:

5’ 10”

Type:

Keeper,  RH bat,  Right-arm leg spin

#1 Single:

Clive Dunn – “Grandad”

 

 

 

 

 

Being the oldest serving member of the Far from the MCC, Matt’s seen the lot. As the years have ebbed by, he’s witnessed denims and doc martens replaced by whites and shiny spikes. He’s seen the club rise from the dead, move home, rebrand, move home and rebrand again. He’s experienced the tumultuous highs and the soul-destroying lows. He’s captained the team, toured all over the UK with the team and chaired two decades of AGM’s for the team. He’s filed the scorebooks, updated the records and written onto paper things ineffaceable. Moreover, Matt has had countless banter with nearly all of the 144 other lads and lasses who have at one time or another stood in a field with him on a Sunday or some dreamy summer evening. In short, Matthew is The MAD.

 

Intelligent, oracular and quick witted in equal measure, the team have always eschewed a more rounded and wholesome feel with his presence, especially at the bar. Much akin to a fine wine, the salient Matt Bullock has improved with age, with 2017 underscoring him as the club’s Most Improved Player. Moreover, this wasn’t the result of a pissed vote at the AGM, it was based on hard Fantasy (facts), and the gospel he almost took as many wickets in one season than he had in the past nineteen. He can also boast achieving the pinnacle of Sunday Cricket by catching onetime ‘Wisden Cricketer of the Year’, former England opening bat Claire Taylor.

 

Despite 2020 being foreshortened by a rarely reported pandemic, Matt walked away with a few notable records, the high score batting at #12 and the most stumpings in a match. The result of which might flag him up as a very enticing Fantasy valuation for 2021. He keeps, he bats and he’s always likely to snare the opposition bashers with his leg spin. Hmm….

 

Matt is to beer what Beermatt.

 

 

 

 

Batting

 

M

I

NO

R

Avg

HS

BF

SR

4

6

0

50

100

T20

62

55

2

440

8.30

30

697

63.13

57

1

8

-

-

35 ovs

101

85

14

652

9.18

35

1384

47.11

61

-

14

-

-

40 ovs

54

45

8

396

10.70

31

738

53.66

46

1

6

-

-

Timed

8

8

2

81

13.50

41*

83

97.59

6

-

1

-

-

Other

20

16

3

126

9.69

39

173

72.83

13

-

6

-

-

 

Totals

 

245

 

209

 

29

 

1695

 

9.42

 

41*

 

3075

 

55.12

 

183

 

2

 

35

 

0

 

0

 

Bowling

 

M

O

M

R

W

Best

Avg

Econ

SR

5wi

Ct

St

RO

T20

60

28.2

0

230

10

2-14

23.00

8.12

17.00

-

6

3

5

35 ovs

97

38

1

247

13

3-12

19.00

6.50

17.54

-

43

18

4

40 ovs

54

11.3

0

76

3

2-27

25.33

6.61

23.00

-

20

3

2

Timed

8

1

0

10

1

1-10

10.00

10.00

6.00

-

3

-

-

Other

20

12.5

0

62

3

3-22

20.67

4.83

25.67

-

5

3

-

 

Totals

 

245

 

91.4

 

1

 

625

 

30

 

3-12

 

20.83

 

6.82

 

18.33

 

0

 

77

 

27

 

11

 

 

 

 

 

“C”

A  |  B  |  C  |  D  |  E  |  H  |  J  |  L  |  M  |  N  |  P  |  R  |  S  |  T  |  V  |  W

 

 

 

 

 

 

#89

 

Geoff Carter

 

Nickname:

Wood Boy,  George or any Christian name beginning with ‘G’,  Farce Forget

Birthplace:

Oxford

Debut:

2005

Match:

109

DOB:

01 / 05 / 60

Height:

6’ 0”

Type:

Keeper,  RH bat,  Right-arm lobbers

#1 Single:

Anthony Newley – “Do You Mind”

 

 

Player_Geoff_450x400_a2A picture containing sport, game, grass, person

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Quirky, affable, jocular and increasingly schizophrenic, Geoff has been in and around the team’s edges for over a decade and is now regarded as a MAD institution/legend. A carpenter by trade, he enjoys splitting his time between wood, boozing and living the life of a maverick sailor on the Oxford canals. When he’s not busy with oak, real ale or split personalities, he’s busy trying to locate his latest van and motorbike which are regularly stolen by Pikey’s and rammed through the pavilion at Enstone CC.

 

A celebrated opener and tailender, Geoff knows no other positions in the batting order other than #1 and #11. Rumoured to occasionally play a shot, he crushes the opposition under a tidal wave of boredom, often mimicking a man with a guide dog out in the middle. He can also keep wicket or at least he can stand behind the stumps with some pads on.

 

One of two dozen players who all confess to be the club’s finest wicketkeeper, Geoff can be relied on for not being one of them. 2020 was an interesting year for Geoff, be bagged a sequence of binary scores that would bemuse a computer, but yet threw in an undefeated 30 versus OUP. Throw in his keeping, a cheap and maddening Fantasy choice if ever there was….

 

Geoff owns The MAD record for the (now legendary) biggest maximum hit off one’s own bowling.

 

 

 

 

Batting

 

M

I

NO

R

Avg

HS

BF

SR

4

6

0

50

100

T20

59

41

9

184

5.75

30*

382

48.17

18

-

10

-

-

35 ovs

51

47

5

278

6.62

28

776

35.82

31

-

10

-

-

40 ovs

39

35

4

391

12.61

39

999

39.14

42

-

5

-

-

Timed

1

1

0

1

1.00

1

20

5.00

-

-

-

-

-

Other

9

6

1

21

4.20

14*

50

42.00

1

1

2

-

-

 

Totals

 

159

 

130

 

19

 

875

 

7.88

 

39

 

2227

 

39.29

 

92

 

1

 

27

 

0

 

0

 

Bowling

 

M

O

M

R

W

Best

Avg

Econ

SR

5wi

Ct

St

RO

T20

59

11

0

89

1

1-25

89.00

8.09

66.00

-

7

1

11

35 ovs

51

3

0

30

0

0-9

-

10.00

-

-

7

2

4

40 ovs

39

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7

6

3

Timed

1

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

-

-

Other

9

0.4

-

4

-

-

-

6.00

-

-

-

-

2

 

Totals

 

159

 

14.4

 

0

 

123

 

1

 

1-25

 

123.00

 

8.39

 

88.00

 

0

 

21

 

9

 

20

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#146

 

Joseph Albert Cartwright

 

Nickname:

Old Joe

Birthplace:

Cardiff

Debut:

2018

Match:

450

DOB:

06 / 02 / 59

Height:

5’ 9” (ish)

Type:

RH bat,  RH slow

#1 Single:

The Platters – “Some  Gets in Your Eyes”

 

 

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Understated, sage like and engaging, Joe would only sign up to the club on the condition his dog was allowed to crap in everyone’s kitbag and urinate over Giant Duck. He made his debut in 2018 after turning up to a pub dressed in whites, yet it feels like he’s been around forever, so maybe he has been, and nobody really noticed.

 

A product of The MAD’s burgeoning Youth Academy, the sprightly Joseph has already proven his quality with the blade, looking overtly studious before unfurling straight drives over the bowler’s head to leave his audience agog. He’s definitely played before as he exudes an aura at the crease akin to someone who has definitely played before. Probably in South Wales for those league teams who exude an aura of all really knowing how to play.

 

After 2019’s breakthrough season with the bat, Mr Cartwright was strangely off the boil in 2020, perhaps disturbed by a chaotic world around him and the neverending sprints off field for sanitisation. Of course, with a downturn in form and a Fantasy valuation going similarly south, he may well be on everyone’s radar as a pick for 2021? Hmm….

 

Joe can sing and boy can Joe sing.

 

 

 

 

Batting

 

M

I

NO

R

Avg

HS

BF

SR

4

6

0

50

100

T20

12

9

4

114

22.80

37*

126

90.48

16

-

1

-

-

35 ovs

12

11

3

173

21.63

44*

315

54.92

20

1

2

-

-

40 ovs

1

1

0

2

2.00

2

8

25.00

0

-

-

-

-

Timed

1

1

0

3

3.00

3

15

20.00

0

-

-

-

-

Other

3

3

0

80

26.67

40

118

67.80

11

-

-

-

-

 

Totals

 

29

 

25

 

7

 

372

 

20.67

 

44*

 

582

 

63.92

 

47

 

1

 

3

 

0

 

0

 

Bowling

 

M

O

M

R

W

Best

Avg

Econ

SR

5wi

Ct

St

RO

T20

9

7

0

47

0

0-7

-

6.71

-

-

-

-

-

35 ovs

12

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1

-

1

40 ovs

1

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

-

-

Timed

1

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

-

-

Other

3

1

-

7

2

2-7

3.50

7.00

3.00

-

-

-

-

 

Totals

 

29

 

8

 

0

 

54

 

2

 

2-7

 

27.00

 

6.75

 

24.00

 

0

 

1

 

0

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

“D”

A  |  B  |  C  |  D  |  E  |  H  |  J  |  L  |  M  |  N  |  P  |  R  |  S  |  T  |  V  |  W

 

 

 

 

 

 

#98

 

Andrew Darley

 

Nickname:

Del Boy,  Salvador,  Butthead,  Mo,

Warren Deadly,  Darned Lawyer

Birthplace:

Oxford

Debut:

2005

Match:

152

DOB:

04 / 02 / 75

Height:

6’ 3”

Type:

RH bat,  Right-arm medium fast

#1 Single:

Pilot – “January”

 

 

A picture containing person, outdoor, tree, holding

Description automatically generatedA person playing a game of baseball

Description automatically generated

 

 

 

Enigmatic and gregariously upbeat, Andrew is one of those bubbly, larger-than-life characters who just begs your attention. Whether it be smashing stumps with absurd velocity or smashing sixes into adjoining solar systems, it’s all about IMPACT and SENSATIONALISM. Well, it is occasionally... when he isn’t falling over his own stumps at Aston Tirrold or tiptoeing precariously around the precipice of mental oblivion.

 

Generous and eternally exuberant about everything and anything, it’s just a shame this selfless positivity isn’t translated into more crowning glory. Boasting one of the meanest bowling economies this club has ever known, and at a spritely pace one might add, it would now seem his lauded talents with the ball are perversely opposite to his batting….

 

As with every previous year’s bar none, Mr Darley will no doubt become an enticing Fantasy acquisition. He’s playing more regularly, he’s wonderfully brilliant and shit at the same time, so how d’you figure him? He’s going to be one MASSIVE hmmmmm for everyone….

 

Darley sacked Marcus Trescothick as his life coach and has hired Johnny Trott.

 

 

 

 

Batting

 

M

I

NO

R

Avg

HS

BF

SR

4

6

0

50

100

T20

11

8

0

54

6.75

28

69

78.26

6

2

4

-

-

35 ovs

33

26

3

174

7.57

20

235

74.07

20

4

4

-

-

40 ovs

27

21

2

222

11.68

52

282

78.72

24

5

3

1

-

Timed

2

2

0

0

0.00

0

3

0.00

-

-

2

-

-

Other

4

3

1

0

0.00

0

2

0.00

-

-

2

-

-

 

Totals

 

77

 

60

 

6

 

450

 

8.33

 

52

 

591

 

76.14

 

50

 

11

 

15

 

1

 

0

 

Bowling

 

M

O

M

R

W

Best

Avg

Econ

SR

5wi

Ct

St

RO

T20

11

28

3

135

9

2-2

15.00

4.82

18.67

-

3

-

1

35 ovs

33

200.5

18

758

30

3-19

25.27

3.77

40.17

-

11

-

-

40 ovs

27

165.3

24

608

22

4-20

27.64

3.67

45.14

-

3

-

-

Timed

2

11

0

44

2

1-9

22.00

4.00

33.00

-

-

-

-

Other

4

5

0

34

1

1-15

34.00

6.80

30.00

-

2

-

-

 

Totals

 

77

 

410.2

 

45

 

1579

 

64

 

4-20

 

24.67

 

3.85

 

38.47

 

-

 

19

 

0

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

“E”

A  |  B  |  C  |  D  |  E  |  H  |  J  |  L  |  M  |  N  |  P  |  R  |  S  |  T  |  V  |  W

 

 

 

 

 

 

#105

 

David (not Dave) Emerson

 

Nickname:

Wonky,  Diamond,  Emo,  Varied Demons,

Mended Saviour

Birthplace:

Invercargill, Wellington. NZ

Debut:

2008

Match:

167

DOB:

09 / 04 / 76

Height:

6’ 2”

Type:

RH bat,  Right-arm medium

#1 Single:

Brotherhood of Man – “Save Your Kisses For Me”

 

 

A person wearing a hat

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Engaging, knowledgeable, flawed and talented in equal measure, Kiwi Dave joined the FFTMCC back in the late noughties, juggling permanent intoxication with a rash of ducks and a swathe of match winning bowling performances. The thing is, he was actually a batsman, he always was, but nobody ever asked him. The Club had a paucity of decent bowlers back in the day, and as everyone knew – all cricketers who had played for the OU Offices were actually bowlers who said they could bat but couldn’t. Henceforth, Dave had to be a bowler. Sorry about that ole boy.

 

On Tour to Pompey in 2011, Mr Emerson would smash 95 whilst giving a big FUCK OFF to his batting critics. Shit, maybe this guy could actually bat?! Back-to-back POTS soon followed, before his body eventually, nay inevitably, collapsed under the strain. Of course, it was all Skipper Westmoreland’s fault, flogging him like some unloved Muriwai Beach horse or at least that was his agent’s mantra….

 

After years of self-pity and hypochondria, David has slowly assimilated back into the Club ranks, appearing irregularly to remind everyone of his drinking prowess and his cricketing unpredictability. As per normal, he will no doubt be one of those annoying Fantasy anomalies that totally screws up even the best of forward planning….  

 

David has gone full pikey and lives in a caravan.

 

 

 

 

Batting

 

M

I

NO

R

Avg

HS

BF

SR

4

6

0

50

100

T20

63

54

11

857

19.93

44*

709

120.87

107

4

4

-

-

35 ovs

41

37

3

425

12.50

47

541

78.56

43

2

6

-

-

40 ovs

79

64

8

838

14.96

95

920

91.09

120

4

11

2

-

Timed

4

3

2

20

20.00

14*

30

66.67

0

-

-

-

-

Other

3

3

0

39

13.00

24

35

111.43

3

-

-

-

-

 

Totals

 

190

 

161

 

24

 

2179

 

15.91

 

95

 

2235

 

97.49

 

277

 

10

 

21

 

2

 

0

 

Bowling

 

M

O

M

R

W

Best

Avg

Econ

SR

5wi

Ct

St

RO

T20

63

123.1

8

640

34

3-20

18.82

5.20

21.74

-

8

-

2

35 ovs

41

153.4

25

601

17

2-14

35