“Revenge is Wet: Jude Draw Beehive’s Sting”

Match: 00 / 034

Won by 14 runs

Team	Total
Jude the Obscure	163 - 5
H. Jones 73, M. Thorburn 23
The Beehive	149
N. Watney 3 - 8, M. Thorburn 2 - 20

There comes a time in the history of every sporting team which, when viewed from down the years, can be regarded as the pivotal node, the point at which aching potential is fulfilled, when the bud of promise unfolds into the flower of achievement, with the petals of individual success contained within the gaudy bloom of triumphant group effort. For the Jude The Obscure C.C., this was undoubtedly not that time. And yet, this was a red-letter day, not only for the Jude and cricket in particular, but also for sport in general, and indeed the whole vast array of human endeavour.

Hitherto, it had been a disappointing season for the Oxford pub eleven. Games that might have been won had been lost, games that might have been lost had also been lost, and with only three wins on the board against frankly pedestrian opposition, questions had been asked that might have been answered. But this was not the only failing that was gnawing away at the team’s spirit. The Jude’s reputation for innovation in the field of cricket itself, built up over two years of dynamic thought and fearless experimentation, was also suffering. The team which had introduced Nine Man Theory, had often played according to the quattrains of Nostradamus, which had oft times stationed a minibar behind the wicketkeeper in place of a longstop, had come up with nothing groundbreaking all season, and there were those in the cricketing sphere who were openly doubting that The Jude would much longer lay claim to the title of World’s Most Innovative Pub Outfit.

Said a spokesperson for The Jude after the game: “Call it fate, call it what you like, it all just came together on the day. We won a thrilling match against top-class opposition and at the same time began to explore the notion of cricket as a winter sport. If you mull it over, it really does make a lot of sense. The popularity of football has peaked, it’s got nowhere to go now but downhill, a bit like skiing. We showed today that we can compete. Cricket can be played in relentless, pouring rain and still be a fascinating spectacle - just ask the spectator who was watching from under that tree over there. At least, I think he was watching. Who the fuck was that guy anyway? We’re still working on a ball that isn’t affected by snow. At the moment we’re thinking something a lot larger, and inflatable. Want to buy a pair of mittens?”

Losing the toss, The Jude were sent in to bat, and the unfortunate B. Mander (0) had soon departed clean bowled. But by the time M. Thorburn (23), still battling with a ravaged septum and badly in need of a haircut, had put on 79 for the second wicket with the classy H. Jones (73), it was clear that The Jude had come to play. With supporting knocks from captain E. Lester (2) and J. Hotson (1), the score was 115-5 before N. Watney (21 n.o.) was joined at the crease by M. Bullock (17. n.o.). It was today that the out-of-touch keeper chose to find form, and flayed the bowling to all parts in a record partnership with the young dasher Watney. By the time the last over was bowled the total had reached a formidable 163-5. M. King returned the useful figures of 2-21 from 7 overs, and Pittham took a miserly 1-12.

Clouds would drop their load, but fail to stop the Beehive match.

The tea interval saw the rain which had been threatening all day at last begin to fall, but both sides were eager to rejoin battle, and with groundsman Kev giving the OK to turning the pitch and outfield into a mudheap, the game resumed beneath grey clouds. For a time The Jude toiled fruitlessly in the wet, and The Beehive’s openers thrived. The luckless G. Le Tocq (0-27) was firing soggy cannonballs from the southern end, but a canny bowling change saw captain E. Lester (1-38) make the first breakthrough. Yet although the ‘Hive’s G. Shaw (25) returned to the pavilion with his stumps in disarray, at 69-1 the visitors were still in charge. H. Jones (0-28) struggled to find his length, but the floodgates never opened, and with the score at 127, A. Mann (2-27) took out high-scorer P. Rowan’s (53) middle stump with a leg-cutter, and all at once, the game was afoot. Subtlely at first, as the rain grew heavier, the complexion of the contest began to change. M. Thorburn (2-20) despite, or perhaps because of being completely pissed, kept his nerve and his line, and inexorably the runs began to dry up.

The by-now drenched Judesters were scrambling for every ball as though their life depended on it, and today at least the untold hours of avoiding fielding practice were not beginning to tell. A. Mann took two tricky catches, P. Drake and E. Lester each held another and, as wickets tumbled cheaply, panic set in amongst The Beehive’s ranks. For most of the innings seemingly on track for a comfortable victory, the Swindonites were swift veering off towards a flailing defeat. Now The Jude turned the screws, putting their bodies on the line, each snatched chance and saved run adding more fuel to the growing fire of exhortation – to hold at last the sweet victory cup and drink therefrom! Then, at the death, cool as iced cucumber, N. Watney (3-8) stepped up and bowled The Jude home. Needing 14 from the last over, The Beehive scored not a run before the last wicket fell, a sharp stumping chance to ’keeper M. Bullock. And as the players trudged soaking wet from the field, great was the rejoicing, and it seemed that a chorus of faint, piping voices rose up from the surrounding woodland, from tree and stream, from path and hedgerow, as Nature itself, marvelling, found voice enough to sing, The Jude! The Jude! The Jude!, or words to that effect, or perhaps it was just the sound of the rain, still falling, falling.

‘Blocker’

*

Statto Scorecards

Jude the Obscure versus the Beehive Played at Pembroke College, 13 August 2000 Jude the Obscure won the toss and elected to bat Jude the Obscure won by 14 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

00 / 034 35 over match

Team	Jude the Obscure
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	M. Thorburn	b Bennett	23	(41)	2	-	2-82
2	B. J. Mander	b King	0	(7)	-	-	1-3
3	H. Jones	b Pittham	73	(92)	10	-	5-130
4	E. N. Lester *	c Pearce b King	2	(6)	-	-	3-110
5	J. C. W. Hotson	b Pittham	1	(7)	-	-	4-112
6	N. Watney	not out	21	(34)	2	-	-
7	M. Bullock +	not out	17	(28)	2	-	-
8	C. Norris
9	P. Drake
10	G. Le Tocq
11	A. G. Mann
	Extras	(NB4, W18, B2, LB2)	26
	TOTAL	(for 5 wickets, 35 overs)	163

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	King	7	1	21	2
2	Pittham	7	2	12	2
3	Rowan	4	2	11	0
4	Bennett	7	0	48	1
5	Pearce	5	0	29	0
6	Chris	1	0	7	0
7	Steven	4	0	31	0

Team	The Beehive
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	Rowan	b Mann	53		4	-	7-144
2	Shaggy	b Lester	25		3	-	1-70
3	Steve	b Thorburn	27		3	-	2-127
4	Steven	c Lester b Mann	0		-	-	3-137
5	S. King	c Drake b Thorburn	2		-	-	4-139
6	Chris	run out	1		-	-	5-140
7	P. Pearce	c Bullock b Watney	3		-	-	6-144
8	Ian	c Mann b Watney	2		-	-	8-147
9	P. Tonks	st Bullock b Watney	2		-	-	9-149
10	Matt	not out	5		-	-	-
11
	Extras	(W22, B4, LB3)	29
	TOTAL	(all out, 34.4 overs)	149

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Le Tocq	7	1	27	0
2	Mann	7	2	26	2
3	Jones	4	0	28	0
4	Lester	7	0	38	1
5	Thorburn	7	0	20	2
6	Watney	2.4	0	8	3

MOTM: n/a Champagne Moment: n/a Buffet Award: H. Jones pork burgers (with salad and chilli sauce)

Opposition: V007 / 04 Ground: G011 / 03 Captain: C001 / 27