“Game of Cricket Mars Otherwise Eventful Outing”

Match: 00 / 027

Lost by 4 wkts

Team	Total
Jude the Obscure	116
A. Mander 16
The Beehive	118 - 6
M. Thorburn 2 - 23, A. Mann 2 - 27

Ah, Swindon! Jewel of the South! Gateway to the West! Swindon! With your fabled roundabout spun with grey petals like a fat concrete flower. Swindon! Home of big sheds and what have you, this and that, an extensive shopping complex, some petrol stations and no doubt a central library.

Swindon is crap, no doubt about it – here’s the Magic Roundabout above.

On the 11th of June it was in Swindon! That the Jude the Obscure CC could be found, come to do battle across the sward with the redoubtable Beehive in a grudge-match of theoretically epic proportions. Spirits in the minibus had been high, with the quality of jokes far exceeding the usual poor standard. Anticipation was great as Team and Bus Captain E. Lester steered an unwavering course south-west from Oxford towards Swindon!’s admirably unremarkable streets. Though sandwiches had been distributed, in truth they had done little to blunt the edge of the team’s hunger, for The Jude were yet to win a game this season, and were hungry for success. It was a hunger that no mere sandwich could satisfy. And the players were quietly confident that today would be their day – for sitting in the front seat of the bus beside the Captain was the proprietor of The Jude himself, the club’s esteemed patron, N. Reilly.

Stopping first at The Beehive to sample the local brew and to gauge, if possible, the ‘cricketiness’ of the assembled opposition, it was then on to the ground itself, a picturesque playing field in the heart of Swindon!’s park and miscellaneous recreation facility precinct, overlooked by an attractive giant metal shed adorned with a For Sale sign which, if its size was anything to go by, was aimed primarily at either passing aeroplane passengers or, indeed, orbiting astronauts.

J. Hotson can be hired to drive any pissheads about.

Losing the toss, The Jude were invited to bat, and L. Phillips (13) and N. Reilly (3) duly padded up and took the field. In a partnership notable for its bravery – L. Phillips carried on despite needing a runner, and N. Reilly carried on despite not having one – The Jude were once again able to demonstrate their social awareness and devotion to good causes. Said a spokesperson for the team after the game: ‘We of The Jude like to combine the noble sport of cricket with wider social concerns. That’s why, in this partnership in particular, we chose to show our support for the government’s ‘Walk, Don’t Run’ safety campaign with a practical demonstration of safe walking between the wickets.’

Indeed, both batsmen made valuable contributions, with N. Reilly’s performance so dogged and resilient, encompassing as it did the extremes of both concentration and physical exertion, it was hardly surprising that, when finally dismissed by a devil of a delivery, a stretcher was required to bear the valiant and talismanic patron from the field of play. But with Reilly gone, the rest of the team began to waver in both mind and spirit, and once L. Phillips was winkled out, it was not long before he was joined in the Pavilion by A. Fisher (12), who was surprised to receive a ball within reach of his bat and top-edged to square leg. Captain E. Lester (6) fell to a corker that uprooted his off-stump, and suddenly wickets were tumbling, with M. Bullock (4) also going cheaply. Bastion of a faltering rear-guard action, T. Mander (16 n.o.) received fitful support from L. Kennan (6), A. Mann (9) and his son and protégé, B. Mander (6 n.o.) but all things considered the Jude total of 116 was lower than it might have been, and would in fact have been considerably lower had not some wayward bowling from The Beehive attack bolstered the score with a welcome hatful of sundries.

(The game, however, was being played in fine spirit, with plentiful liquid refreshment available both on and off the pitch. Indeed, such was the conviviality of the occasion that at one point a member of The Beehive team imagined that he was attending a social function in his own living room and, turning round, pissed on the floor.)

Now it was time for The Beehive’s innings, and the opening pair began with a flurry. Their pinch-hitter survived a difficult catching chance to fine leg, but then hoisted the ball square of the wicket for three successive boundaries, all in the first over. A. Mann (2-27) recovered well to bag a brace, and M. Thorburn (2-23) also came to the party with an accurate spell of niggling line-and-length. Considering that he was labouring under the effects of a badly damaged septum, Thorburn must be especially commended for his dogged persistence and stamina. The Jude began to turn the screws, with J. Hoskins (1-15) and A. Fisher (1-25) chipping in to have The Beehive tottering at 40-5, but not for the first time a series of dropped catches at the critical juncture saw The Jude’s advantage slip inexorably away. Only one more wicket was to fall as The Beehive’s captain, with an able supporting cast, survived two dropped chances to lead his team to victory – a victory which had at one point seemed beyond their grasp.

J. Hoskins padding up.

It was with a sorry heart that The Jude left behind the giant shed which overlooked the ground and returned to The Beehive for beer, food and football on the telly. Then, farewell Swindon! and homeward, courtesy of the sober driving of J. Hotson. Thankfully, the minibus broke down, which enabled the team to get in a few quick pints at Kingston Bagpuize before taxis ferried the by-now amusingly merry and wittier than ever squad back to The Jude for a final drink or several. Here, back on home territory at last, was the opportunity to reflect on the events of the day in a quiet and measured fashion. Needless to say, this opportunity was not taken.

All in all, then, a great day out in Swindon!, and a success in every way with the exception of the result, the reliability of the minibus, the recurrence of L. Phillips’s injury, the same player losing his bat, and the scorebook being misplaced. A. Mann did however find a baseball cap. Rumours of serpents invading the playing ground remain unsubstantiated. Thanks must go to N. Reilly for his generosity during the outing, and to The Beehive for their kind hospitality. The return match is greatly anticipated.

‘Blocker’

*

Statto Scorecards

Jude the Obscure versus The Beehive Played at Liddington, Swindon, 11 June 2000 Jude the Obscure won the toss and elected to bat The Beehive won by 4 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none

00 / 027 35 over match

Team	Jude the Obscure
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	N. P. Reilly	b Short	3				1-15
2	L. Phillips	c Ritchie b Lowe	13				3-34
3	A. J. Fisher	c Pearce b Shaw	10				2-30
4	E. N. Lester *	b King	4				4-46
5	M. Bullock +	c Othen b Ritchie	8				5-70
6	A. M. Mander	not out	16				-
7	A. G. Mann	b Lowe	9				6-97
8	L. J. Kennan	run out	6				7-108
9	B. J. Mander	not out	5				-
10	J. C. W. Hotson
11	J. D. Hoskins
12	M. Thorburn
	Extras	(W24, B14, LB4)	42
	TOTAL	(for 7 wickets, 35 overs)	116

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Pearce	3	0	7	0
2	Mono	3	0	8	0
3	Short	5	0	19	1
4	Lowe	5	2	8	2
5	Shaw	1	0	13	1
6	King	6	0	13	1
7	Othen	5	1	11	1
8	Ritchie	7	2	9	1

Team	The Beehive
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	Short	b Thorburn	0				1-3
2	S. King	c Bullock b Thorburn	13				5-60
3	Shaw	c A. Mander b Hoskins	4				2-10
4	J. Lowe	c Bullock b Mann	6				3-24
5	P. Pearce	b Mann	4				4-35
6	A. Ritchie	c Bullock b Fisher	22				6-97
7	Othen	not out	46				-
8	Rowan	not out	11				-
9	P. Tonks
10	Mono
11
	Extras	(W6, B3, LB3)	12
	TOTAL	(for 6 wickets, 23 overs)	118

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Mann	5	0	27	2
2	Thorburn	7	2	23	2
3	Hoskins	4	1	18	1
4	Lester	4	0	21	0
5	Fisher	3	1	19	1

MOTM: n/a Champagne Moment: n/a Buffet Award: A. J. Fisher’s egg and cress sandwiches with potato salad side

Opposition: V007 / 03 Ground: G010 / 01 Captain: C001 / 22