“Driftwood Spoils Day of the Fennel”
Match: 03
/ 078
Lost
by 6 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCCC |
129 – 7 |
|
I. Howarth 35, N. Hebbes
23* |
|
|
|
|
|
Stogumber CC |
130 - 4 |
|
N. Hebbes 2 - 2 |
|
|
With The MAD team having practised their on-drives and
cover-drives to satisfaction on the golf course, and Flash having now also
found his driving head (contained in a pint of Dry Blackthorn) for the
journey to Stogumber, the team arrived ahead of the opposition, and in plenty
of time for the Fennel Brothers to get their fennel out. We shall not go into
too much detail regarding this ritual, other than to say that the erect
fennel was inserted into the pitch’s orifice, and came to predict that there
would be victory for The MAD.
Hotson
attempts to insert a fennel in the wicket. As captain Pugwash was still clearly suffering
from Sock Avoidance Reprimand Syndrome (SARS), acting Mad captain YesNoYes…Bugger won the toss and elected to bat. A sign
on the road-side boundary, indicating that there should be a 15mph limit, was
duly observed by the first three batters, Take Me Home (15 off 11), Pugwash
(15 off 11), and Flash (15 off 18), who all scored exactly fifteen runs each.
This was despite Pugwash impersonating the captain impersonator by calling
his name in vain (“Yes, no, yes!”) as well as mistaking an umpire for a fielder,
and Flash beginning his innings using a piece of driftwood he had believed to
be a bat.
The MAD enjoy the wonderful views from the Stogumber pavilion. Spam (35 off 25), not known to observe
limits (such as the amount of Snatch that can be consumed in any given period
of time, or the amount of vinegar that can be poured over chips), immediately
launched an attack on the pavilion, coming close to taking out the
electricity supply. Titanick (23 n.o. off 30) was
also aware (no doubt through psychic messages from the fennel) that the
actual limit in force was a bowling limit of two, and proceeded once again to
drop anchor in the first innings of a match – fortunately, this time, the one
in which he was batting.
The MAD enjoyed the services of an Essex Wife (right) for scoring
purposes. Their fourth wicket partnership of 38 was
particularly notable because they had never before scored any runs whilst
playing in the same match. When it inevitably ended, there was still time for
Doc (18 off 16) to score some quick runs, YesNoYes…Bugger
(0 off 4) to notch up some fines, and Racede Latif
(5 off 5) to run himself out on the last ball of the innings, thus avoiding a
fine.
A handy cameo from Ian, but certainly not a century. Chasing 130 to win,
Stogumber stuttered against Mad opening pair Oops! (2-0-8-0) and Pugwash
(2-0-10-1), with Spam taking the catch to effect the early blow, despite
having tiny hands. The next four overs saw the game swing in Stogumber’s
favour, with Spam (2-0-16-0) bowling several sugary trifles, and Scissor
Hands (2-0-22-0), failing to find the wicket-taking form that had returned to
him the previous day. They weren’t helped by some bad luck in the field
either: Take Me Home developed an acute case of hypochondria, whilst also
being threatened by a passing dog; and YesNoYes…Bugger
suddenly found himself desperately clinging to grass in order to keep his
head above tarmac, having originally intended to prevent a four on the
road-side boundary. When Take Me Home (2-0-6-1) and Flash
(2-0-5-0) took to the leather, it was decided that some new fielding
positions should be tried: deep slip, square slip, tree, fence, and tractor.
It paid off almost immediately, with Spam taking another catch, albeit in
self-defence, whilst fielding at silly tractor. Nearly eight an over was now
required, but Tea Time (2-0-26-0) could not manage fewer than two wides per
over, and although Titanick (2-1-2-2) struck twice, Stogumber were still on
course.
At this stage The MAD fielders were making every effort. Pugwash
nearly fell down a 30ft ditch after casually hurdling the fence following a
boundary chase. Oops! quickly recovered from a making an otherwise textbook
sliding stop in which the ball evaded him, only to crash head first into the
fence with the ball on the second attempt, straining a shoelace. Scissor
Hands recovered in milliseconds from dropping a catch at short tree to turn
and hurl down the stumps at the bowlers end, with YesNoYes…Bugger
steaming in from mid tree to take the throw, travelling at such pace that he
needed to scissor-jump the stumps to avoid impaling himself. Racede Latif (0 byes) was by now chuckling almost
continuously.
Doc (1.5-0-29-0) insisted he should bowl
from the 30ft-ditch end (presumably because the slight slope should aid his
run-up), but was hit for two consecutive sixes in the single last ball of his
first over. With the fennel-predicted victory having all but slipped away,
and Madness ticking inside, YesNoYes…Bugger
(1-0-6-0) proceeded to bowl a series of bodyline blancmanges in diminishing
light, apparently in the hope that bad light should stop play on grounds of
safety. It didn’t. As the sun set in the next over, the winning runs,
fittingly, came with a boundary. Nobody bothered to look for the ball this
time.
The fennel had been wrong. Flash hit himself
in the head with a football, before he and Pugwash
‘took care’ of the fennel using the driftwood. Meanwhile, having realised
that one of the opposition was known not only to The
MAD patron (from a certain pub in Swindon!), but also to himself, Scissor
Hands was busy recruiting this winning player to The MAD team for the
morrow’s game. The fennel’s
condition was later reported to be stable. ‘Jake the Cake’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from The Madding Crowd CC versus Stogumber CC Played at Stogumber, 18 August 2003 Far from The Madding Crowd CC won the toss and elected to bat Stogumber CC won by 6 wkts Far from the MCC debuts:
none |
03 / 078 20 over match |
|
Team |
Far from The MADding
Crowd CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
M. T. Westmoreland |
c N. Bennett b
Hawkins |
15 |
(10) |
3 |
- |
1-22 |
|
2 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b J. Bennett |
15 |
(15) |
3 |
- |
2-36 |
|
3 |
T. P. W. Smith |
b Evans |
15 |
(18) |
2 |
- |
3-56 |
|
4 |
I. Howarth |
b Orton |
35 |
(25) |
5 |
1 |
4-94 |
|
5 |
N. J. Hebbes |
not out |
23 |
(28) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
6 |
A. M. Mander * |
st Gilbert b Penny |
18 |
(16) |
3 |
- |
5-116 |
|
7 |
S. L. P. Dobner |
b N. Bennett |
0 |
(4) |
- |
- |
6-117 |
|
8 |
M. Bullock + |
run out |
5 |
(5) |
- |
- |
7-129 |
|
9 |
E. N. Lester |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
S. Hebbes |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
J. C. W. Hotson |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB1, W2) |
3 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 7 wickets, 20 overs) |
129 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Hawkins |
2 |
1 |
19 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Rew |
2 |
0 |
12 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
J. Bennett |
2 |
1 |
22 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Evans |
2 |
1 |
7 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
Biffin |
2 |
0 |
12 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Weetch |
2 |
0 |
11 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Robertson |
2 |
0 |
9 |
0 |
|
|
8 |
Orton |
2 |
1 |
16 |
1 |
|
|
9 |
N. Bennett |
2 |
0 |
11 |
1 |
|
|
10 |
Penny |
2 |
1 |
9 |
1 |
|
|
Team |
Stogumber CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
A. Gilbert |
c Howarth b Hoskins |
6 |
|
1 |
- |
1-7 |
|
2 |
M. Evans |
c Howarth b Westmoreland |
34 |
|
4 |
2 |
2-56 |
|
3 |
J. Robertson |
b N. Hebbes |
29 |
|
4 |
- |
3-80 |
|
4 |
L. Biffin |
b N. Hebbes |
8 |
|
1 |
- |
4-95 |
|
5 |
S. Penny |
not out |
29 |
|
3 |
1 |
- |
|
6 |
N. Bennett |
not out |
6 |
|
1 |
- |
- |
|
7 |
J. Weetch |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
8 |
J. Bennett |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
M. Orton |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
S. Hawkins |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
O. Rew |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB1, W14) |
15 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 4 wickets, 18.5 overs) |
130 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
S. Hebbes |
2 |
0 |
8 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Hoskins |
2 |
0 |
10 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Howarth |
2 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
Lester |
2 |
0 |
22 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Westmoreland |
2 |
0 |
6 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Smith |
2 |
0 |
5 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Hotson |
2 |
0 |
25 |
0 |
|
|
8 |
N. Hebbes |
2 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
|
|
9 |
Mander |
1.5 |
0 |
29 |
0 |
|
|
10 |
Dobner |
1 |
0 |
6 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: n/a Champagne
Moment: n/a Buffet
Award: A. M. Mander’s
chocolate gateaux (with lashing of whipped cream) |
Opposition:
V031 / 01 Ground: G022 / 01 Captain: C009 / 01 |