“Ed’s Lonely Game….”

Just got back from Thursday’s cracking 20/20 game at Pembroke, and thought I'd write the match report as nobody else volunteered. I was feeling a bit guilty for turning up ten minutes late and although I was still puffing and panting from the run down the lane and over the railway bridge, enormous bag over shoulder, I gallantly decided to open the batting for The MAD. I was a tad disappointed when I got out in the middle to find there were no stumps or umpires and, wait a minute! - shouldn't there be another 21 players around somewhere? Anyhow, what the hell, I decided to carry on regardless. That’s the spirit that made The MAD mad. Oh no, this meant I had to open the bowling too!

Eddie cutting a lonely figure….

My first delivery was a gentle slow thing that didn’t spin an inch but it was terribly accurate and imagine my shock when I ran over to take up my batting position and found myself the victim of an overwhelming appeal for lbw. I've never known so many appeals from imaginary fielders at the same time. Luckily, the imaginary umpire gave me the benefit of the doubt (about time somebody did) so I survived to tell the tale. I decided to change my tactics with the next delivery and proceeded as follows. I picked up the ball and drew a picture of James' face on one side and 'odd son' on the back and threw a short one in the general direction of myself. Imagine my absolute delight, when I caught him square on the cheek and hit a six I didn't know I was capable of. I spent the next half an hour marching around the field picking up the ball and hitting six after six until I became dangerously red in the face and ran out of new swearwords.

I felt it was time to signal to the imaginary Kev to bring on some imaginary orange drinks for me and my imaginary team mates but for some reason he didn't oblige.

A railway bridge – part of Ed’s infamous two-mile trek to Pembroke….

At this point I felt it best to sit down in the clubhouse, which as it happened, was locked and dark, so in fact I sat outside in the rain and ate an imaginary egg sandwich before returning on the two-mile trek to my car in Whitehouse Road. All the time I was thanking my lucky stars for having such tremendous buddies who were prepared to invite me to such an extraordinary match.

Ed was last seen heading back in the general direction of Witney 666 not out….

‘Steady’