“And Kevin Said, ‘Let There be Light’

And Light Shone all around”

Match: 04 / 092

Lost by 115 runs

Team	Total
R. T. Harris	219 - 6
T. Smith 2 - 31
FFTMCCC	104
I. Howarth 35, J. Harris 15

Question: How many cricketers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Ten. And one electrician.

Cricketing and electricity have always been closely related. All electricians can play cricket to a county standard - particularly if they are not actually electricians and just play cricket to a county standard. All cricketers can indeed take a fluorescent tube and pretend to be Darth Vader, but not all Jedi Knights can take a cricket bat and pretend to be electricians. If anybody had been brave enough, we could have found out if any of the players on the hallowed turf of Pembroke College Sunday last were electricians by asking them if they knew how many volts there were in an amp. But then again nobody on their team actually asked us if we drank in a pub. I guess they didn’t need to. Who cares anyway – a sparking match ensued at Pembroke last Sunday regardless of who anyone was, or wasn’t.

Ok, ok, I lost the toss again, but hey, seven out of nine isn’t bad, is it? They went into bat first anyway, which is what I would have chosen. Honest guv’.

Pembroke was the usual picture for the visit of the Sparkies.

With A. Mann missing from The MADding Crowd ranks, a previously unheard of bowling partnership was brought in to open the attack. It started well enough, since nobody hit any bricks off M. Westmoreland’s bowling (5-0-24–very economical), and nobody crabbed N. Hebbes’ anchor (7-1-33-even more economical), but basically the non-electricians were feeling their way towards a point where they would switch on the power once they had got their bulbous eyes in. Opening batsman Ditta (99*, but that’s another story) looking every inch a non-electrician, cannily prodded the ball around the in-field, out-field, magnetic-field, and cow-field to push the Harris total upwards while all the varied Mad bowling attack could do was attempt to offer some resistance to the run rate.

A crackling catch by Flash (no pun intended) at mid-off to dismiss Farouq (73, non-electrician) provided some celebration to The MADsters, and indeed, a potential champagne moment by M. Bullock at leg slip off Twinkle’s (no pun intended) bowling (4-1-26-bowling for The MAD surely for the last time) seemed like the breakthrough that was needed to light The MAD fires, but alas it all came too late. Bradley (2, quite possibly the only electrician) played an excellent innings, enabling Ditta to grab the strikers end with amazing regularity and inch his way to the elusive century avoidance. Economical bowling from J. Harris (7-0-36-1), and J. Hoskins (4-0-21-0) stemmed the flow a little, but still Ditta stuck at the crease like a great steel pylon in the middle of a cornfield.

A hint of static rose as Flash (4-0-31-2) came into the attack, the batsmen Bradley followed by Naseem (0, non-prince, though nobody asked him) both fell foul to amazing off-stump deliveries that they both dragged onto their stumps. The MAD field closed in on the hat-trick chance, but were denied.

The Harris innings drew to an eventful close as the entire Mad field, the entire Harris team, both umpires, Kevin, the zero’s from the Folly, and even the squirrel, knew that Ditta required just four runs from the last over to complete his century. Unfortunately (for him) the only person that didn’t know was Ditta. Somebody should have sent him a Morse code message (pun intended). Maybe just as he was taking a suicidal run out run to get to the non-strikers end with five to come, somebody should have told him that run didn’t count. Maybe as he prodded the ball for a single with The MADsters on the two on the last ball of the innings, somebody should have told him he needed two. But they didn’t. Oh, how we laughed. Internally of course, because to do it out loud just wouldn’t be cricket. Not even overhearing the mutterings of T. Smith asking Ditta if he wanted a flake with that could make us laugh out loud. Ho ho ho.

219 they got. Challenging we thought, but definitely gettable.

Some crap out of focus snap at Pembroke.

The opening partnership of S. Dobner (8) and I. Howarth (35) didn’t quite make it to the non-fineable stage, but the second wicket partnership started to filament in a very promising way until J. Harris was tripped up by the Stogumber curse (15). M. Bullock (13) also provided some positive feeling to the onlooking Madsters as at last he started to bring his net form to the crease, but once Howarth was given out lbw to a cracking turning delivery (only slightly controversial), wickets fell aplenty and the boundary became silent.

Almost unnoticed by the on looking Madsters, the Harris Captain now signalled to a blade of grass to bowl. Out from behind his blade of grass a twelve year (and eleven months) old strode. Now there are two Mad records nobody wants to claim – that of eating one of Kevin’s egg mayonnaise sandwiches in less than .041 of a second, and that of being out to the youngest bowler in an opposing team. Unfortunately, M. Westmoreland fell foul to the latter, and although that is still up for debate it will no doubt be clarified next Sunday at Minehead.

The rest of the innings was fairly uneventful apart from the last three balls of the twelve year olds spell, whereby the entire Mad team, non-scorer, and squirrels were all willing their captain and J. Hotson (looking unequivocally like a retired 80’s pop-star) to fall foul of the youth. The MADsters finished on 104, a mere 115 runs short of the current target.

An electrifying performance?

Not.

But there was only one team on the field last Sunday. And that is what counts.

Bring on the West Country.

Odds-On.

‘Hoskers’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from The Madding Crowd CC versus R. T. Harris Played at Pembroke College, 25 July 2004 R. T. Harris won the toss and elected to bat R. T. Harris won by 115 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

04 / 092 35 over match

Team	R. T. Harris
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	D. Yousaf	not out	99
2	W. Rahman	b Hebbes	2
3	J. Farooq	c Smith b Harris	28
4	S. Rana	c Bullock b Dobner	73
5	P. Bradley	b Smith	2
6	Naseem	b Smith	0
7	F. Rafi	run out	3
8	A. Faradoon	not out	1
9	A. K. Dogar
10
11
	Extras	(W11)	11
	TOTAL	(for 6 wickets, 35 overs)	219

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Hebbes	7	0	33	1
2	Westmoreland	5	0	24	0
3	Harris	7	0	36	1
4	Hoskins	4	0	21	0
5	Fisher	4	0	49	0
6	Dobner	4	0	26	1
7	Smith	4	0	31	2

Team	Far from The Madding Crowd CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	I. Howarth	lbw b Rafi	35	(38)	5	-	3-68
2	S. L. P. Dobner	c Dogar b Naseem	8	(22)	1	-	1-20
3	J. Harris	b Rahman	15	(39)	2	-	2-68
4	M. Bullock +	c Rafi b Bradley	13	(14)	-	-	6-90
5	A. J. Fisher	b Rahman	2	(9)	-	-	4-82
6	N. J. Hebbes	b Rahman	2	(4)	-	-	5-84
7	M. T. Westmoreland	c Farooq b Rana	8	(8)	2	-	9-103
8	T. P. W. Smith	lbw b Faradoon	0	(3)	-	-	7-103
9	A. M. Mander	b Faradoon	0	(2)	-	-	8-103
10	J. C. W. Hotson	not out	0	(1)	-	-	-
11	J. D. Hoskins *	b Faradoon	1	(5)	-	-	10-104
	Extras	(NB1, W14, LB5)	20
	TOTAL	(all out, 24.4 overs)	104

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Dogar	6	0	22	0
2	Naseem	6	1	21	1
3	Rahman	5	0	14	3
4	Rafi	4	0	24	1
5	Bradley	1	0	14	1
6	Faradoon	1.4	0	5	3
7	Rana	1	0	1	1

MOTM: n/a Champagne Moment: n/a Buffet Award: A. J. Fisher’s desirable gourmet pie selection

Opposition: V029 / 02 Ground: G011 / 28 Captain: C006 / 23