“No-MAD Finally get Stogumber’s Number”
Match: 05
/ 113
Won
by 38 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
178 - 7 |
|
M. Westmoreland
54, D. Edwards 42 |
|
|
|
|
|
Stogumber CC |
140 |
|
A. Mann 4 - 10, D. Edwards
2 - 25 |
|
|
So what does it take to beat Stogumber? For
countless years now, on a Monday evening in August, The MAD had been coming
to this barren, verdant, desolate, picturesque plateau near the north
Somerset coastline. For what seemed like eons the local Stogumber youth had
been slapping The MAD bowlers back past their heads at will, intentionally
losing dozens of Mad cricket balls in the thick hedgerows and forested hills.
What could possibly break this pattern of disappointment and loss, this
Stogumber curse, which yearly seemed to suck vitally and hope from all who
came here? Poisoning the local water supply? Burning the village of Stogumber
to the ground? Not necessary. Inspired leadership, that’s what.
The
Stogumber team sink into the pitch watching Martin bat. After being declared officially dead on the
morning of the game, skipper for the day J. Hotson was revived long enough to
organise the team tennis tournament in Minehead (won by S. Dobner and M.
Westmoreland), and then, kept alive by the regular consumption of cider and
cannabis, Hotson could be seen later prowling the grounds of the Dunkery Beacon
Hotel, producing fistfuls of crumpled paper from his pockets, scraps and
scribblings which held the indecipherable secrets to his long-pondered match
strategy. Several times during the afternoon and on the subsequent journey to
the ground, Hotson was asked by team mates to reveal his plans, but on each
occasion, his incoherent ramblings almost gave the impression that he had no
idea what he was talking about. But on arrival at Stogumber, the skipper’s master plan soon became
clear: wearing a plastic policeman’s helmet, Hotson strode onto the clubhouse
veranda exclaiming, “I’m the authority around here! Who’s the captain? Is
that dickhead who tried to knock our
Hands up if
you’re dropped and you’re really fucking happy about it. Winning the toss, Hotson elected to bat, and the
efficacy of his flexible pool system was immediately obvious. By pairing a
steady player at every turn with a more adventurous one, steadiness and
adventure in each partnership was guaranteed. The luckless S. Dobner played
steadily for his duck, but at the other end, M.Westmoreland
was showing great adventure. Joined at the crease by the steady D. Edwards
(42), who impressed with a wide range of steady and elegant cut shots between
the half dozen fielders stationed at point, Westmoreland (54) cut loose with
some cultured mooing including successive 6s and 4s, before falling lbw to O.
Rue. (This fine innings by Westmoreland has gone part way to rehabilitating
the long-derided Art of the Moo, along with, to a lesser extent, certain
off-to-leg shots recently played by England debutante K. Pietersen).
M.
Westmoreland and D. Edwards share an excellent 88 run partnership. Edwards and Westmoreland were parted with the
score on 92, shortly after which, Edwards himself went, flailing at a
straight one from the useful K. Jones (4-1-30-3), which brought the
adventurous T. Smith to the wicket. “This guy’s bowling straight,” commented
the umpire as Smith approached, and again one ball later as Smith departed
bowled for nought. J. Hoskins made a steady and impressive 17, his high score
of the season, before the adventurous B. Mander (8) and M. Clarke (4) both
went cheaply. N. Hebbes (12 n.o.) and A. Mann (8 n.o.) were either steady or adventurous, it’s hard to say
which. Bowling for Stogumber, Bushy (3-0-28-2) was a complete knob who
pranced about like a prat and generally made a fool of himself. Well done you
tosser. Grow up, pal.
S. Dobner gives the
home team some chin music (leg side crap). With Stogumber in to bat,
S. Dobner (4-0-28-1), bowling for The MAD only at Hotson’s specific request,
took an early wicket, and J. Hoskins (4-0-29-1) grabbed one as well with his
deceptive flight. Clean bowling Bushy for 5, D. Edwards (4-0-25-2) launched
himself into the air in a trademark celebration which will see him land again
sometime next Thursday. But the slap-happy Stogumber lads had the impressive
Mad total of 175 in their sights until their mainstay N. Bennett (48) was run
out by the inspired skipper himself, scrabbling and diving in from mid on to give D. Edwards ample time to whip off the
bails. After this, the wheels fell off, as B. Mander (3-0-18-1) marked a
welcome return to The MAD ranks with a timely scalp, and then A. Mann
(3-1-10-4) came on at the death, showing a return to form with three wickets
in four balls to clean up the tail in the fading light.
Ultimately, vindication for J. Hotson and his
methods was complete. For the first time, and probably the last, thanks to
the revolutionary pool system of batting, The MAD had beaten Stogumber. All
hail the skip, and someone help him out of that gutter. ‘Blocker’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Stogumber CC Played at Stogumber, 1 August 2005 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC
won by 38 runs Far from the MCC debuts:
none |
05 / 113 25 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
M. T. Westmoreland |
lbw b Rue |
54 |
(52) |
8 |
2 |
2-92 |
|
2 |
S. L. P. Dobner |
b C. Weech |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
1-4 |
|
3 |
D. M. Edwards |
b Jones |
42 |
(41) |
7 |
- |
3-116 |
|
4 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b Bushy |
17 |
(20) |
3 |
- |
5-146 |
|
5 |
T. P. W. Smith |
b Jones |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
4-116 |
|
6 |
B. J. Mander |
b Jones |
8 |
(14) |
1 |
- |
6-146 |
|
7 |
M. D. Clarke + |
b Bushy |
4 |
(7) |
- |
- |
7-153 |
|
8 |
N. J. Hebbes |
not out |
12 |
(12) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
9 |
A. G. Mann |
not out |
8 |
(8) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
10 |
A. M. Mander |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
J. C. W. Hotson * |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB7, W17, LB2, B7) |
33 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 7 wickets, 25 overs) |
178 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
C. Weech |
3 |
0 |
13 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Pain |
4 |
1 |
27 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
J. Weech |
3 |
0 |
27 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
L. Penney |
4 |
0 |
25 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Rue |
4 |
0 |
18 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Jones |
4 |
1 |
30 |
3 |
|
|
7 |
Bushy |
3 |
0 |
28 |
2 |
|
|
Team |
Stogumber CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. Robertson |
b Dobner |
5 |
(11) |
- |
- |
1-12 |
|
2 |
S. Hawkins |
lbw b Hoskins |
12 |
(32) |
- |
- |
2-54 |
|
3 |
N. Bennett |
run out (Hotson) |
48 |
(33) |
8 |
- |
4-101 |
|
4 |
Bushy |
b Edwards |
5 |
(7) |
1 |
- |
3-63 |
|
5 |
L. Penney |
not out |
3 |
(17) |
- |
- |
- |
|
6 |
N. Pain |
b Edwards |
21 |
(13) |
1 |
1 |
5-101 |
|
7 |
S. Penney |
b Mann |
22 |
(21) |
3 |
- |
6-125 |
|
8 |
J. Weech |
c Westmoreland b Mander |
13 |
(5) |
3 |
- |
7-138 |
|
9 |
O. Rue |
b Mann |
1 |
(4) |
- |
- |
8-140 |
|
10 |
N. Jones |
b Mann |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
9-140 |
|
11 |
C. Weech |
b Mann |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
10-140 |
|
|
Extras |
(W5, B5) |
10 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 24 overs) |
140 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Hebbes |
4 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Dobner |
4 |
0 |
28 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Hoskins |
4 |
0 |
29 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Edwards |
4 |
0 |
25 |
2 |
|
|
5 |
Westmoreland |
2 |
0 |
10 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
B. Mander |
3 |
0 |
18 |
1 |
|
|
7 |
Mann |
3 |
1 |
10 |
4 |
|
|
MOTM: M. T. Westmoreland & A. G. Mann Champagne Moment: n/a Buffet
Award: J. D. Hoskins’ apple and
crumble pie (with Somerset cream) |
Opposition:
V031 / 03 Ground: G022 / 03 Captain: C012 / 01 |