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“Captain’s Alternative Match Report”

 

 

Match:  07 / 146

Won by 7 wkts

 

 

Team

 

Total

Sidley CC

151

J. Hoskins  3 - 14,  S. Parkinson  2 - 7

 

FFTMCC

152 - 3

N. Hebbes  50,  M. Westmoreland  44*

 

 

 

 

We played Sidley. They comprised an arrogant opener who thought he was KP and who was banging some 13 year old girl who also played. They had a gobby keeper, like us. They also had a fat bloke called Trev who was the skipper / groundsman / president. They also had a fat bloke called Steve who was Trev's nephew. He bowled left arm over with a lazy front arm. They also had a young lad who could bowl quite quick. He was Trev's son. I liked Sidley, they had nice Sarnies and fish and chips.

 

 

2007Jul17Altd

 

Some Sidley batsman hits some bowling off someone.

 

 

They batted first and it was all we could do not to bowl them out for under 50. Thanks to amazing Corinthian style captaincy I managed to engineer a position whereby we at least had some runs to chase. Other captains would just have ground them in to the dirt, but not me. The incumbent captain attempted to make my day as difficult as possible, but largely failed due to his inferior intellect. If it was a battle of wits he wanted he should be aware that I never fight an unarmed man. I bowled brilliantly, but instead of trying to corner the bowling prize which should have rightly been mine, I let other players, who the incumbent captain never really allows to bowl, have a long extended spell.

 

 

2007Jul17Altc

 

The incumbent skipper (right) spent more time on the shitter than on the field.

 

 

All the players in the side commented how nice it was to be captained by a professional and how they had got much more out of the game than at any point in the past few years.

 

I suffered a horrendous injury. We had a gay hat that was given to the latest dropper of catches. Most of which came off my bowling as usual. I dropped one but only to make a game of it.

 

 

2007Jul17Alta

 

Me after my ‘horrendous’ leg injury.

 

 

We batted. Hebbes batted well and so did Geoff. Moo did too probably. And Jake. John faced a ball. Ian was relegated down the order. Think that was about it.

 

 

 

N. Hebbes apparently batting well.

 

 

‘Raymond Domenech’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Sidley CC

Played at Sidley, 17 August 2007

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat

Far from the MCC won by 7 wkts

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

07 / 146

 

 

 

 

 

40 over match

 

 

 

Team

Sidley CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

C. Ramsden

c Smith b Mann

5

 

1

-

1-11

2

D. Aver

b Parkinson

43

 

4

1

3-63

3

T. Finsell

b Shorten

6

 

1

-

2-38

4

S. Ramsden *

c Westmoreland b Harris

37

 

4

1

6-103

5

A. Nicholas

b Parkinson

0

 

-

-

4-63

6

K. Kempthorn

c and b Hoskins

8

 

1

-

5-103

7

I. Mollart

b Harris

5

 

1

-

8-109

8

C. O’Connor

c Hotson b Hoskins

0

 

-

-

7-105

9

R. Dangerfield

c Howarth b Hoskins

5

 

-

-

9-128

10

J. Bull

not out

12

 

1

-

-

11

T. Ramsden

c Harris b Mann

7

 

-

-

10-151

 

Extras

(NB13, W2, LB1, B7)

23

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 39.4 overs)

151

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Shorten

6

0

36

1

 

2

Mann

6.4

2

12

2

 

3

Westmoreland

4

0

17

0

 

4

Parkinson

3

1

7

2

 

5

Hoskins

7

2

14

3

 

6

Harris

6

1

28

2

 

7

Smith

7

1

29

0

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

N. Hebbes

b Finsell

50

(61)

5

-

2-79

2

J. C. W. Hotson

b T. Ramsden

12

(36)

1

-

1-43

3

G. Carter +

b T. Ramsden

27

(47)

3

-

3-151

4

M. T. Westmoreland

not out

44

(52)

7

-

-

5

J. Harris

not out

0

(1)

-

-

-

6

D. Shorten

 

 

 

 

 

 

7

T. P. W. Smith

 

 

 

 

 

 

8

J. D. Hoskins

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

A. Mann

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

I. Howarth

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

S. B. Parkinson *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB2, W9, LB5, B3)

19

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 3 wickets, 31.5 overs)

152

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Aver

8

1

30

0

 

2

C. Ramsden

5

0

20

0

 

3

T. Ramsden

7.5

2

40

2

 

4

Finsell

7

0

28

1

 

5

O’Connor

3

0

23

0

 

6

S. Ramsden

1

0

6

0

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  N. Hebbes

Champagne Moment:  M. Westmoreland’s catch on the boundary

Buffet Award:  D. Shorten’s overrated Boars Hill soup (with crap croutons)

                           

 

Opposition:  V043 / 01

Ground:  G033 / 01

Captain:  C014 / 01

 

 

 

 

 

Match Fines