“Shorten Uses the Kitchen Sink as MAD Wilt in
Tropical Heat”
Match: 07
/ 144
Lost
by 42 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
R. T. Harris |
223 - 6 |
|
S. Dobner 2 - 37 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
181 |
|
G. Littlechild 49, M. Reeves
34 |
|
|
Coin flipping is based on pure luck, under the
assumption that there is no possibility for strategy, and any attempt to
alter the odds [such as, most obviously, using a fake coin with both sides
the same, and / or touching the coin] is considered cheating. It is generally
assumed that the outcome is unpredictable, with equal probabilities for the
two outcomes. So why, oh why, is calling the toss correctly so
important to the game of cricket in particular? A typical scenario is where
recent bad weather has left the track looking like a bunch of drunken
Glaswegian’s has partied on it. The surface becomes conducive to the bowling
side, and the batting team flounder as the ball nips and jags about after
their Skipper lost the toss [and were invited to have a bat].
Was it the weather or Dan’s batting that made people sleepy? Another scenario is such as Sunday gone, where temperatures
hovered well above 30 degrees in the centre of Oxford. Whoever won the toss
was surely going to bat first, allowing the bulk of their team to put their
feet up and watch the other team run themselves ragged in the sweltering
afternoon sun; and due to the fact the FFTMCC’s incumbent skipper never
ever won a toss, the course of the day had already been mapped out by
many of The MAD players on arrival at the ground. Said Aussie legend, A.
Mann, “if our Skipper loses the toss today, he is a complete prick. A real
turd of a human being.” Essex fruit and vegetable vendor, S. Dobner,
concurred with his teammate, venturing “I agree. I’m sick of batting second.
If he fucks it up again, I think we should all give him a good kicking in the
car park.” Needless to say some twenty minutes
later, another of baby Amie D’s so-called lucky coins had been tossed
angrily into the outfield by I. Howarth as The MAD set about fielding first
[again]….
Young James (left) points out the real cricketing talent in the Dobner
family. On a flat pitch that showed no ill-effects of
the recent flooding, R. T. Harris would eventually amass a rather
intimidating 223 for 6, largely helped by ringer* S. H. Rana’s dashing 123.
It was a largely chanceless innings, with the only blot being a hopeless
caught and bowled effort by A. Small (3-0-25-0). The MAD would stick manfully
to their task in the field, and enjoy regular bouts
of jocular interaction** with their opponents, but as fatigue set in, and the
hot afternoon wore on, boundaries became an increasing regularity as the RTH
total ballooned. S. Dobner was the pick of The MAD attack with
his figures of 8-0-37-2, including a beauty which squared up RTH stalwart, Ditta [the ball now residing on Steve’s mantelpiece in
Upper Essex]. A. Mann (8-0-28-1) bowled with his usual control and was
rewarded by a fine catch in the deep by a running J. Hoskins, whilst D.
Edwards (5-0-11-1) was miserly until a shoulder injury*** put paid to his
spell. M. Reeves (4-0-30-1), I. Howarth (5-0-33-0) and J. Hoskins (7-0-56-0)
all toiled away, but by and large would all cop a beating. It is also worth
noting the contribution of schoolboys G. Littlechild and J. Hughes; the
former was utterly luckless behind the sticks despite a blatant stumping
being turned down [again], and young James – nephew of S. Dobner – provided
an excellent twelth man as he ran about in his
England football shirt wishing he was playing soccer instead.
The MAD were left to chase a formidable total. Tea. Knackered. Or at least the players of the
Far from the MCC were. Nice one Skip. Twat. After a solid opening of 44-0 on the resumption
of the match, a tired and weary looking home team quickly stumbled to 66-5.
With G. Littlechild’s enterprising 49 being the only score of note, the writing
was on the wall. D. Edwards ground out a worthless 2; S. Dobner was sent
packing lbw for a duck [and wasn’t at all bothered by it]; and M. Clarke (0)
and I. Howarth (4) both swatted pie-man Bradley into the guts off RTH
fielders stood at square leg and a waiting extra cover. The top order had
failed miserably [Gary aside] and it all pointed towards an early finish.
M. Reeves (34) began The MAD revival. But the early finish never came. The MAD’s lower
order, so often castigated for their lack of input with the blade, finally
came to the party. Although winning the game was a distinct improbability, M.
Reeves (34) and T. Smith (20) set about restoring some face with a mixture of
clean hitting and watchful defense. J. Hoskins would last only one ball
[bowled by Shoaib Akhtar], but along with Mr. Small (4) and A. Mann (9*), The
MAD’s third**** 12th man of the game, D. Shorten (29), unfurled
the kitchen sink as the game ran down to record The MAD’s highest score by a
Number 9 batsman. Two of his swipes cleared the boundary, and one of them
flew clean into the tennis courts – a truly massive hit. His partnership of
41 with Ant was also set a Mad benchmark for the tenth wicket. So, well done
Dave – just a shame you couldn’t be arsed to turn up for the start of the
game [obviously preferring the more leisurely pursuits of tea and biscuits in
the wood behind his new mansion on Boars Hill].
A scruffy D. Shorten (right) ended up in The MAD record books. And so the FFTMCC totalled 191 in the end. A
fine rearguard effort, and just a shame the top order fell over like a deck
of water-damaged playing cards. One final point worth noting was that
although the FFTMCC played portions of the game with 10 men, and occasionally
just 9, it was a curious sight to see no less that 5 Mad players pitch-side
at one point during the game – laughing into their beer as they watched their
team mates shrivel in the sun whilst chasing the ball to the boundary. Bastards! You know who you were! * -
A “ringer” is a term applied in cricketing circles to a member of the
opposition who shouldn’t strictly be amongst their number; be it because of
his far superior ability at the sport [wasted at this level], or because he /
she has been drafted in purely to take a bag of wickets or twat the ball
about to every corner of the pitch. ** -
Sledging. *** -
Dan’s “shoulder injury” could well have been a ruse to protect his bowling
figures before the late over onslaught. ****
- Geoff Carter fielded for a while after young James got bored of walking to
the Third Man position after every over. Geoff then went off the field as
little James returned – although James then got bored again, and then went
off again, so Geoff then returned. And then he went off with everyone else
after the 40 overs were concluded – without little James who was already off
the field. Neither batted, as the club hadn’t got a helmet small enough for
James [cricket regulations], and Geoff buggered off during the tea-interval
to probably check his recently returned bike hadn’t been stolen again. ‘Spam’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus R. T. Harris Played at Pembroke College, 5 August
2007 R. T. Harris won the toss and elected to bat R. T. Harris won by 42 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none |
07 / 144 40 over match |
|
Team |
R. T.
Harris |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. Yousaf + |
b Dobner |
18 |
|
|
|
1-32 |
|
2 |
S. H. Rana * |
c Edwards b Dobner |
123 |
|
|
|
5-202 |
|
3 |
J. Farooq |
b Reeves |
23 |
|
|
|
2-75 |
|
4 |
T. Khan |
lbw b Edwards |
8 |
|
|
|
3-109 |
|
5 |
W. Rahman |
c Hoskins b Mann |
16 |
|
|
|
4-163 |
|
6 |
P. Bradley |
run out |
14 |
|
|
|
6-223 |
|
7 |
T. Ahmed |
not out |
8 |
|
|
|
- |
|
8 |
A. Faradoon |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
K. Ahmed |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
A. Rana |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(W2, LB8, B3) |
13 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 6 wickets, 40 overs) |
223 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Dobner |
8 |
0 |
37 |
2 |
|
|
2 |
Mann |
8 |
0 |
28 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Reeves |
4 |
0 |
30 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Hoskins |
7 |
0 |
56 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Howarth |
5 |
0 |
33 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Edwards |
5 |
0 |
11 |
1 |
|
|
7 |
Small |
3 |
0 |
25 |
0 |
|
|
Team |
Far from
the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
G. S. Littlechild + |
c S.H. Rana b A. Rana |
49 |
(43) |
8 |
- |
5-66 |
|
2 |
D. M. Edwards |
b Faradoon |
2 |
(19) |
- |
- |
1-44 |
|
3 |
M. D. Clarke |
c Yousaf b Bradley |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
2-46 |
|
4 |
S. L. P. Dobner |
lbw b Faradoon |
0 |
(6) |
- |
- |
3-47 |
|
5 |
I. Howarth * |
c S. H. Rana b Bradley |
4 |
(5) |
1 |
- |
4-54 |
|
6 |
T. P. W. Smith |
b Rahman |
20 |
(32) |
3 |
- |
6-114 |
|
7 |
M. K. Reeves |
b K. Ahmed |
34 |
(48) |
5 |
- |
8-133 |
|
8 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b T. Ahmed |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
7-115 |
|
9 |
D. Shorten |
b Farooq |
29 |
(29) |
3 |
2 |
10-181 |
|
10 |
A. Small |
run out |
4 |
(11) |
1 |
- |
9-140 |
|
11 |
A. G. Mann |
not out |
9 |
(8) |
2 |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
(NB2, W5, LB11, B12) |
30 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 33.5 overs) |
181 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
K. Ahmed |
6 |
1 |
24 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Faradoon |
6 |
0 |
27 |
2 |
|
|
3 |
Bradley |
5 |
0 |
20 |
2 |
|
|
4 |
A. Rana |
5 |
1 |
30 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
Rahman |
4 |
0 |
7 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
T. Ahmed |
4 |
0 |
25 |
1 |
|
|
7 |
S. H. Rana |
2 |
0 |
11 |
0 |
|
|
8 |
Khan |
1 |
0 |
10 |
0 |
|
|
9 |
Farooq |
0.5 |
0 |
4 |
1 |
|
|
MOTM: G. S. Littlechild Champagne Moment: D. Shorten’s six into the
tennis courts Buffet
Award: A. Small’s marmite sandwiches |
Opposition:
V029 / 06 Ground: G011 / 47 Captain: C007 / 29 |