“2007: Captain’s Log”

2007.

The year it rained.

And rained.

And rained….

The MAD don’t have an angling team….

So bad was the weather during the months of May, June and July that most of the cricketers around Oxfordshire (and probably the rest of the British Isles) had all but given up on the season – it was farcical. Yet as the season’s curtains were drawn next to Tim Henman’s house in Aston Tirrold, it is with somewhat surprise to find The MAD actually managed to contest 17 games in total. Not bad. Not bad at all. Especially when you consider our home ground of Pembroke was under a foot of water for a week….

This was my second term as skipper of the Far from the MCC, and I found it much more enjoyable than the first. Maybe I had relaxed into the role, or simply become a little more accustomed to the various insecurities of team members, and what was required and expected from me? Either way, the on-off nature of the season and inflated squad size did little to dampen (sic) my enthusiasm – at least until the OU Office game anyway [more on that later]….

The season as a whole was a very successful one. The MAD finished with a healthy win to loss ratio, and several of the team produced the goods when we needed it. What really did cement the team spirit was the return of The MAD Tour - something which had been sorely lacking the previous year due to a wave of babies popping out of Mad spouses. The tour was excellent and the venue of Eastbourne did us proud, as did Mr. Hoskins for organising it all; and we didn’t even get to see one old person die whilst we were there!

The Red Arrows at Eastbourne.

So we will return to the cricketing fold next year with optimism and morale in the ranks good, although as I type these notes we’re maybe relocating to pastures new - as Pembroke College Sports Ground has become unavailable due to the powers that be. This is sad news as it has been our home for upwards of 7 years, and many of our number have had many happy memories of the place…. But life goes on etc etc, and at least Geoff Carter won’t have to worry about having his motorbike nicked anymore.

No one could possibly have foreseen the dreadful summer of weather we were to experience as we rolled into the village of Hanney in late April. The sun was out, players were sporting sunhats, and our opponents gave us a damn good game of cricket to kick-start the season. We eventually prevailed by 2 wickets on a bowler-friendly surface, largely thanks to a good rear-guard effort by S. Parkinson who finished 19 not out. The tail would wag again the following week as we chased down the imposing total of 204 at Wootton & Boars Hill. After a calamitous start, the late-middle order would rally (T. Smith 40, S. Dobner 24*), and it all came down to the final ball of the match with M. Reeves needing to slap a six over the short leg-side boundary to earn The MAD a dramatic and memorable victory. Alas he failed miserably, scuffing the ball for a single, but it was an excellent game – and probably my favourite of the season.

“Okay, I’m pissed, I haven’t kept score – what’s the fucking problem?”

May was a complete joke for me personally, in that I didn’t even get an opportunity to lift a bat in anger. I opted out of the Cholsey fixture allowing Mr. Dobner to step into the Sheriff hot-seat; and he duly led the troops to an emphatic victory over a decimated opponent on a pudding of a pitch. The highlight was probably J. Harris (48) scoring his only runs of a bizarre season falling just a couple short of his maiden fifty. Next up were the Nomads of Swindon who had served us our arse so royally the season before. Unfortunately it wasn’t to be, as the rains which would plague us throughout the summer had duly started, and as a result the match was cancelled. We did however manage a game the following week against our old adversaries Wootton & Bladon – now relocated on a school pitch after a dispute with their local parish council. Alas the game was a walkover as we cruised home by 10 wickets with D. Edwards and G. Littlechild carrying their bats. We bowled very well (S. Dobner, J. Hoskins and D. Shorten all claiming 3-for’s), but it was more an indictment of less than impressive opposition than a sterling victory. And to cap the month of May off, the following weekend was an empty one – a spare fixture, a blank – which as it transpired didn’t matter one jot, because predictably, it pissed down….

Into June, and the worrying strength of our opposition was polarised by the Bodleian as we tested the canvas in the grounds of Kiddlington CC. Again we won without losing a wicket, and at least M. Westmoreland and I got a bat – but it all seemed very hollow…. We even loaned 2 of our players to the Bods to make up their number, and it would result in M. Clarke’s (30) finest day of an indifferent season as it transpired. Milton CC would at least give us a match the following week, but any aspirations I had of banishing the demons of that match in 2006 all but evaporated during a dreadful second innings capitulation. M. Reeves would star with 4 catches, but the game remains a stain on my captaincy as I found myself stranded on 0 not out after opting to tinker with the batting order…. You live and learn and all that, or maybe you don’t? Maybe Milton is like a Bermuda Triangle for all Mad ships that sail into its waters? I’m starting to think so….

Jake can’t quite believe The MAD are screwing it up once more in Milton….

The MAD finally put one over R. T. Harris the following week in an absorbing match where we won by 1 wicket. Our bowlers stuck manfully to their task in restricting the RT batsmen to what appeared to be a low total, and after reaching a comfortable position during our run chase – we again collapsed only for N. Hebbes (22*) and A. Mann (0*) to dig us out a hole during the finale (Ant’s 19-ball blockathon perhaps the abiding memory of the day).

Having negotiated the tricky away fixtures that always form the beginning of our cricket season, we looked forward in earnest to returning to our home of Pembroke and testing our resolve against one of our favourite opponents the Lemmings. Needless to say this encounter never happened, as sadly, it rained once more…. And it continued to rain unabated for 2 weeks and into July, where our home fixture against Milton CC was also lost to the depressing weather. It was around this time that is was becoming more and more difficult to keep everyone in the team happy. With so little cricket available it was nigh on impossible to ensure everyone got a regular game, and it is a testament to the players patience and understanding that we would come through this testing period with our numbers intact.

Kev’s sponge-roller had its work cut out at Pembroke.

The rain eventually relented in the second week of July, enough to allow us to renew our rivalry against the Bodleian (our first game at Pembroke). We ran out winners by 37 runs and thankfully they were much stronger opposition than first time around. M. Westmoreland would enjoy some form with the ball in taking 4 for 22, and I enjoyed an entertaining knock of 72; however it is worth noting that we were both dismissed by a certain A. Mann who was guesting for the opposition (Judas)…. OU Offices were next up and we all looked forward to a competitive game of cricket against a few old faces. Alas this wasn’t to be as the Offices were shorn of nearly all their regulars, and a patched-up ensemble (including our own M. Clarke and J. Hotson) were stuffed by 9 wickets in a little over 14 overs (thanks in main to an entertaining slog by G. Littlechild). It was a win, but a dreadfully hollow one; and a good few Madsters were more than fed up by the end of it – myself included - and to make matters worse it drizzled throughout – really cold wet stuff that trickled off your forehead and irritated your eyes. It seemed at this juncture of the season that we were either thwarted by the weather or the standard of opposition, in simply getting a decent game of bloody cricket…. And how would I define a decent game? Well, it would be an evenly contested match where nearly everyone plays a part – a few ups and downs, and the bonus of a win. Surely not too much to ask….?

Next up were the Fat Boys (Wootton & Baldon) – would they present us with a much craved contest of cricketing guile and skill? No - because it fucking rained again. In fact it rained so hard, for so long, that this time most of Oxfordshire sunk under the sea of water. Torrents of the mucky filthy stuff swelled across roads, highways, fields and… erm… cricket grounds. Members of The MAD were certainly not immune from the chaos; M. Reeves’ house was submerged in Botley, T. Smith’s dwellings were cut off in Kennington, and J. Hoskins and M. Westmoreland’s cars resembled submarines after their nightmare journeys home from work. It all seemed so very final and cricket seemed but a distant memory…. Lethargy? Fed up? You bet. Our groundsman Kev braved the waters in his angling boots and would capture the surreal images at Pembroke College Sports Ground where a foot of water was lapping up against the pavilion steps. It was an image that seemed to encompass all of what the summer of 2007 had so far been about… wet, gloomy and distinctly depressing.

Let’s see Roger Federer beat someone on this court!

By a quirk of fate, The MAD’s final game of July was scheduled for Jordan Hill; whereas the name suggests gave us some faint hope of a match due to its rapidly drying nature (even the optimists were now considered delusional however). If the fixture were to have been organised anywhere else in Oxford it is hard to imagine it would ever have been played - but play we did – on a predictably muddy track, but under clear warm skies and little fluffy clouds (so different from their darker coloured brothers that had belched out rain for months). And the game was a good one where The MAD would finally prevail to the tune of 41 runs; a certain R. Hadfield (35) returning to the scene of former glories (well, one actually) after 6 years in the sporting wilderness. A. Mann (4-for) would also rekindle some form and morale after weeks of moaning about age, pace, lack of swing, poor balls, rain, lack of nets, batsman’s game etc etc.

Into August, and with the OUP encounter having renewed our enthusiasm for the game of cricket, we took this into our next game at Pembroke against R. T. Harris. It was a baking hot day (I kid you not), and the toss of the coin took on major significance. Predictably I lost it, and predictably we got a pasting off a rather handy, revenge-fuelled opponent. A couple of their “A-listers” indulged in the battering, but there were positives to be had – in particular D. Shorten’s (29) late cameo where he despatched a delivery clean into the tennis courts during a Mad late-innings revival. Next up were Wootton & Boars Hill, who have traditionally always ensured a decent match – and again they didn’t disappoint; eventually triumphing in a nervy duel after chasing down 175 for victory. The MAD were guilty of dropping numerous catches on this day, and like the saying goes – etc etc bla bla etc…. But I will remember the game for another reason – finally notching my first Mad ton to get the monkey off my back. Unfortunately this momentous occasion was played out to a backdrop of silence as the rest of the team were arguing over whether I was on 99 (again) or not – due in part to a leg bye. If I ever reach this milestone again, I would hope to at least have one pair of hands applaud the achievement….

J. Hoskins wants to ban “bowled” as a legitimate dismissal.

And then it was Tour – and what a Tour! After a year without in 2006, The MAD took a large sized party down to the Eastbourne coast and had themselves a ball (in spite of the poor weather). The tour was a wonderful success on many levels, not least the camaraderie and after hours boozing each evening. Sidley CC hosted the first of the tour games, and The MAD won out by 7 wickets in an entertaining match. Standouts were J. Hoskins providing a 3-for, and N. Hebbes with a much overdue fifty. If anything was a winner on that day (apologies for the cliché), it was surely the game of cricket – as both teams enjoyed the competition and humour of the day, and the atmosphere afterwards in the club house was a joy to behold. So much so, that four of The MAD were asked to fill the blanks for a Sidley 2^nd XI the day after (all of which were abject failures, although S. Parkinson bowled well before claiming his ninth injury of the season). Sunday proved to be a washout (surprise), so the team went on the piss – the remnants of which contested a game against Worthing Chippingdale CC on the Monday. This was a cold and wet affair (surprise) in which The MAD were battered into submission by a fiery 16yr old pace bowler named M. Strackher. He bowled with enough venom to have The MAD staggering at 19-5 in reply to the host’s total of 136 all out. The MAD lost, but a reversed batting order of types at least flourished towards the death.

The final game of August saw The MAD renew their rivalry with Cholsey. The Cheese Boys were a different outfit entirely from the laughable collection who took part earlier in the season (and got stuffed), and in a taut and exciting finale, The MAD scraped home by just 16 runs after being under the cosh earlier in the game. A. Fisher and D. Edwards capped a stirring comeback with the ball by taking 3 wickets apiece with their pies.

“All yours, Kev – thanks for the great teas over the years….”

Into September, and Tetsworth CC would provide the final opposition at our home of Pembroke. In a laughable and somewhat surreal encounter, The MAD were utterly annihilated in a little over 18 overs after setting a reasonable victory target of 165. TCC’s West Indian opening bat R. Wright (who apparently had never batted for them before) smashed 122 and in doing so lost half a dozen balls in the hedgerows, in the tennis courts, on the railway line and in the stream etc etc etc. Extremely funny stuff – especially if you didn’t bowl! Unfortunately M. Bullock did, and duly copped 38 runs off 2 overs – ha ha ha. Kev the groundsman would later be handed a bottle of champagne by way of thanks from the team for all his hard work over the years; and there was an air of sadness as we marched back over the footbridge one last time – thinking we may never see him again…. or his egg-mayonnaise sandwiches….

Deputy Dob took the helm for the final game of the season whilst I holidayed in Greece; and from the feedback I would later receive, our new opponents Astons CC did us proud with their friendly welcome, lovely picturesque ground, and competitive game. The MAD would win by 4 wickets in the end – A. Mann scooping just about every award going including the raffle; but Tim Henman, who lives adjacent to the pitch, didn’t turn up – and neither did his missus Lucy…. (sigh)…. Not sure people were bothered about Tim failing to materialise, but his missus is a different proposition entirely!

The Aston CC batsman would struggle against the Way of Pie.

So there you go, a brief overview of the year, and I hope it’s entertained you for a few minutes. If not, sorry about that – perhaps the photographs did?

Here’s to 2008, and let’s just hope it doesn’t bloody rain so much….

‘Spam’