“The Real Lord Lucan Returns
On Day of Comedy Dismissals”
Match: 07 / 143
Won by 41 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
164 |
|
I.
Howarth 36, R. Hadfield
35 |
|
|
|
|
|
Oxford University Press |
123 |
|
A.
Mann 4 - 20, I. Howarth
2 - 20 |
|
|
The
rain had finally stopped. Finally.
After
3 months of relentless downpours, flooding and untold misery in the British
isles, the sun had finally returned to UK shores and found the courage to
poke its face out from behind the dirty bloody clouds. Where had you been?
Three bloody months of incessantly shit weather that had almost relegated the
cricket season to that of a farce; every Sunday staring out through a
rain-splattered window to consider an alternative to cricket. Moaning,
grumbling, cursing this fucking climate…. Not since 1947 had England
experienced such levels of rainfall, and with the sun now beating down, it
almost felt surreal to be gazing out at the beautifully tendered pitch at
Jordan Hill, looking forward to a days’ worth of cricket. Cricket.
C-R-I-C-K-E-T. Thank god this fixture against OUP wasn’t being played at our
home venue of Pembroke – as a foot of water had covered the entire pitch and
was lapping up against the steps of the pavilion!
Jordan Hill
had covers, but they leaked – so the teams played on mud instead. It
also seemed an age since Skipper I. Howarth last won a toss. His seeming
inability to predict the flip of a coin becoming less of a joke with each
passing month. However, on this day, he called correctly – and after
inspecting the suet pudding of a pitch the groundsman has worked tirelessly to
produce, he opted, with no little concerns, to bat first. He maybe hoped the
pitch would cut up as the day progressed. With
several Far from the MCC regulars enjoying an Indian batting masterclass at
Trent Bridge, and others watching stunt planes dive in and around bridges in
London – it would be a tribute to their strength in depth that The MAD could
still field a decent team. Although the ability of the side remained good,
the now familiar MAD crčche at pitch side was bare.
Jake and
his arithmetic – a marriage made in heaven. J.
Hotson, his hair slowly returning after going skinhead for charity, would
rekindle memories of 2004, as he opened for The MAD with I. Howarth. On that
day, and this, the duo would see off the early OUP hostilities and grow accustomed
to what was a terminally slow track with little in the way of bounce. Like
then, Howarth (36) would be the first to go after a very bright start,
deciding to leave a ball from J. Organ (1-14) on his off-stump. Despite
Howarth’s obvious bemusement, S. Parkinson passed his Skipper on the way to
the middle chortling “that was the worst fucking dismissal I have ever seen –
that was crap, mate. Ha ha.” The
score had reached 66 when Hotson (9) next fell, bowled by Breeds (3-43) after
attempting to hit the ball off the wicket. M. Clarke (9) next joined
Parkinson at the crease, and looked the part until he fell foul of a debatable lbw decision. Clarke would later
protest the ball hit his bat first [probably lies], but was more aggrieved by
Howarth’s apparent smirk as he sent him on his way. This incident would later
be argued over an entire tea interval [and Fines Committee], by an apparent
photo of the incident was found on the Skipper’s camera….
R. Hadfield
loves Jordan Hill. After
excellent beginnings, Parkinson (31) was next to go after slapping the ball
to a waiting mid off. Such was his annoyance, and
playing up to his tag of King Cobber, Parkinson’s smashed his blade into the
pitch sending cuds of turf everywhere. For a second he panicked – players and
spectators alike would have taking a very dim view of vandalising the strip –
but fortunately the large crater was a foot wide of the popping crease, so he
left to OUP laughter before depositing his bat in the nearby tennis courts. It
was seven years previous that R. Hadfield had bludgeoned an OUP attack on his
way to posting a highest Mad score on debut [72]. Since that historic event,
the impostor who had been turning up under the name of Lord Lucan had, quite
frankly, batted like he had eyesight problems. Thankfully today was a
different matter altogether, and together with the cavalier T. Smith (16),
helped push The MAD score along to 133 before Smith was caught in the
outfield by a sprawling Joe Organ.
Petr
(right) became the 97th player to represent The MAD. 133-5
would quickly become 140-7 as D. Shorten (1) avoided a duck, and A. Mann
didn’t – both victims of an embittered M. Clarke and his active finger. Mr.
Small now ventured to the middle wondering what exactly batting was all
about. This was after all his first knock of the year – even though it was
the end of July…. Alas, he was to witness the sorry end to R. Hadfield’s (35)
merry knock, and that of a recovering M. Bullock (4) – who couldn’t quite
arrange his internal workings after 38 pints of CAMRA ale the night before.
With A. Morley a no-show, The MAD were grateful to one P. Benisek for filling
the void. Petr, or Petr Cech as some guys would nickname him, became the 97th
player to represent The MAD in all its incarnations and the first of Czech
ancestry. After strolling to the wicket decked out in cargo pants and a blue
T-shirt, he unfurled a graceful smear through gully for a couple, before
leaving a straight one that smashed into his stumps. 164
all out with A. Small stranded on 8 not out, just 92 short of his maiden
century. A decent effort, but the consensus of Team Mad whilst they munched
their way through OUP teas, was that it was maybe 20 or 30 short of what they
should have got. And perhaps it could’ve been more, if they hadn’t given each
other out or demonstrated the art of the comedy dismissal….
“Buy your own fucking beer!” Hopes
of a successful OUP chase were quickly dented on the resumption of the match,
with D. Shorten (8-3-20-1) accounting for OUP Skipper, R. Mann, lbw for 8. He
didn’t like the decision, but maybe he should have used his bat instead of
his pads? K. Thompson (0) quickly followed via an authentic cricket dismissal
as Clarke pouched a rare outside edge off A. Mann [21-2]. But in Heron [19],
the OUP trust, a batsman of classical grace who could swing a game in
minutes. Unfortunately for him then, that he decided to top-edge a woeful
leg-side delivery off Howarth to a gossiping D. Shorten at fine leg. Despite
Dave later bemoaning the interruption of his topical conversation with Stevie
P, he did take a well-judged and important catch – probably in the knowledge
that if he had grassed the ball he would NEVER have heard the last of it.
Howarth (6-0-20-2) followed up this dismissal by trapping Halsey in front for
14, and the OUP innings again began to falter. This
pattern of OUP batsmen getting starts and getting out would be repeated for
pretty much the length of this contest; with S. Parkinson (8-1-29-2) and A.
Small (7-0-26-1) reaping the rewards from a deteriorating pitch [and poor
shot selection]. It was left to Australian left-arm, self-doubting, swing
legend A. Mann (7.4-3-20-4), to exact rights on the OUP innings, and discover
playing cricket is actually fun once in a while. He did for the dangerous J.
Thompson (16) with a middle-stump Yorker; hit the wood once more for the
pugnacious Tomkins (12); and finally wrapped things up as Breeds (1) saw the
umpire raise his finger after he shuffled in front of his stumps. The Paper
Boys all out for 123.
Cricket in
the sun? Surely not…. In
summation, a fine victory over a more than handy OUP team, and a game played
out under rich blue skies and sunshine in what seemed like the first time in
years. Roll on August. Roll on cricket. ‘Stump Cam’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Oxford University Press Played at Jordan Hill, 29 July 2007 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 41 runs Far from the MCC debuts: Petr
Benisek (097) |
07 / 143 40 over match |
|
Team |
Far from
the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
I. Howarth * |
b Organ |
36 |
(39) |
7 |
- |
1-42 |
|
2 |
J. C. W. Hotson |
b Breeds |
9 |
(48) |
- |
- |
2-66 |
|
3 |
S. B. Parkinson |
c Jackson b Mann |
31 |
(36) |
2 |
1 |
4-93 |
|
4 |
M. D. Clarke + |
lbw b Breeds |
9 |
(11) |
1 |
- |
3-81 |
|
5 |
T. P. W. Smith |
c Organ b Breeds |
16 |
(16) |
2 |
- |
5-133 |
|
6 |
R. J. B. Hadfield |
b Walsh |
35 |
(35) |
5 |
1 |
8-149 |
|
7 |
D. Shorten |
lbw b Tomkins |
1 |
(12) |
- |
- |
6-136 |
|
8 |
A. G. Mann |
lbw b Jackson |
0 |
(7) |
- |
- |
7-140 |
|
9 |
A. Small |
not out |
8 |
(18) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
10 |
M. Bullock |
b Jackson |
4 |
(11) |
1 |
- |
9-162 |
|
11 |
P. Benisek |
b Jackson |
2 |
(2) |
- |
- |
10-164 |
|
|
Extras |
(NB1, W8, B4) |
13 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 39 overs) |
164 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Tomkins |
8 |
0 |
29 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Organ |
8 |
5 |
14 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Jackson |
8 |
0 |
32 |
3 |
|
|
4 |
Breeds |
8 |
1 |
43 |
3 |
|
|
5 |
Mann |
4 |
0 |
27 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Walsh |
3 |
0 |
13 |
1 |
|
|
Team |
Oxford
University Press |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R. Mann * |
lbw b Shorten |
8 |
|
2 |
- |
1-19 |
|
2 |
C. A. Heron |
c Shorten b Howarth |
19 |
|
- |
1 |
3-42 |
|
3 |
K. Thompson |
c Clarke b Mann |
0 |
|
- |
- |
2-21 |
|
4 |
R. Halsey |
lbw b Howarth |
14 |
|
2 |
- |
4-50 |
|
5 |
Coney + |
b Parkinson |
14 |
|
1 |
- |
5-65 |
|
6 |
J. Walsh |
b Parkinson |
7 |
|
1 |
- |
6-74 |
|
7 |
J. Thompson |
b Mann |
16 |
|
- |
- |
9-114 |
|
8 |
J. Organ |
c and b Small |
6 |
|
1 |
- |
7-90 |
|
9 |
Tomkins |
b Mann |
12 |
|
2 |
- |
8-106 |
|
10 |
R. Jackson |
not out |
8 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
11 |
N. Breeds |
lbw b Mann |
1 |
|
- |
- |
10-123 |
|
|
Extras |
(NB1, W10, B7) |
18 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 36.4 overs) |
123 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Shorten |
8 |
3 |
20 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Mann |
7.4 |
3 |
20 |
4 |
|
|
3 |
Howarth |
6 |
0 |
20 |
2 |
|
|
4 |
Parkinson |
8 |
1 |
29 |
2 |
|
|
5 |
Small |
7 |
0 |
26 |
1 |
|
|
MOTM: S. B. Parkinson Champagne Moment: A. Small’s caught and
bowled Buffet
Award: A. Small’s tiny finger buffet |
Opposition:
V019 / 07 Ground: G013 / 07 Captain: C007 / 28 |