“History Rewritten as Titanick Delivers Safely”

Match: 07 / 140

Won by 1 wkt

Team	Total
R. T. Harris	117
J. Hoskins 4 - 24, D. Edwards 2 - 18
FFTMCC	118 - 9
M. Westmoreland 29, N. Hebbes 22*

Since the dawn of FFTMCC time, no matter where they play in the country it has so been decreed that the pleasant pastime of Sunday cricket should be accompanied by some form of human flight. To stay within this strange tradition yet again a FFTMCC cricket match was supported by an air show. To quote an old Captain it really was like the Red Arrows out there on this Sunday afternoon, only they weren’t Red Arrows – they were Euro Fighters (yes, Ade is back). There is only one thing rarer than a formation of Euro Fighters parading the Oxfordshire countryside – and that is an Electrician in an R.T. Harris cricket team. Yes, it was the turn of the toaster repairmen to host The MAD.

Another beautiful June day for cricket….

Play commenced at the convenient time of 15:07 which was fine – after all, the Essex boys had only had to drive 61 miles for this match with it being practically on their doorsteps. A horseshoe of dark thunderous rain clouds encircled the pitch and seemed to hang ominously over the field all afternoon without actually precipitating a single drop, which was quite frankly spooky but doubtless was caused by some fancy electrical engineering by our hosts.

As per usual our skipper lost the toss and we were sent out into the field for our sins onto a wicket which resembled a giant loofah sponge covered in algae. The bowling started with gusto as S. Parkinson (7-2-26-0) and D. Shorten (7-4-7-0) hammered in some good length balls to have the opening batsman frowning, ducking and diving for cover as the new ball sunk into the pitch and sprung up at them at all sorts of angles. Despite the consistent line and length pursued by both bowlers somehow the wickets did not fall early. But the pressure was on the Electricians right from the start as they were kept to a miserly 33 runs in the first 14 overs – supreme economical work from the opening bowlers.

“I should sponsor this shit – Blocker’s Sun Block, dude.”

First change saw the familiar strike partnership of A. Mann and J. Hoskins come to the fore with an unnerving spark of confidence about their gaits. The scene really was set by the opening bowlers as Ditta and Dotta for the Electricians sensed they needed some runs and needed them quick. This was nothing but good news for the new bowling partnership and it wasn’t long before Hoskins struck to send both opening batsmen back to the hutch to go wire some plugs. Mann (7-1-16-1) quickly followed with a fusing delivery after which it was plain sailing for the bowling attack – once those electricians start arguing amongst themselves it really is all over. Hoskins pulled off the miracle of a career best 4 wicket haul for 24 helped with yet another stunning diving turning whooping slip catch from Titanick, followed up with classic wizardry from the Spellcaster (3-0-18-2) and S. Dobner with some teasing bouncers to scare off the tail end. Immaculate keeping from He Whom Stays Young (has he been fined for that yet?) literally made sparks fly from the bails to gather two stumpings which arguably should have been three – the line after all, is his. The Electrician’s score stuttered to 117-8 after the allotted 35 overs.

So just 118 required for our first victory against R.T. then – piece of cake… and very nice cakes they were too. Shame they couldn’t fix the kettle.

The MAD openers left the crèche for the crease (top right).

The MAD openers started off with gusto, spraying the ball around the park like the bouncy castle of a wicket did not exist, and after the openers, G. Littlechild (12) and M. Westmoreland (29) both treated the bowlers with utmost disrespect, and indeed following pair D. Edwards (16) and I. Howarth (13) struck up a convincing 75-2 the easy win seemed inevitable – the on looking team-mates on the boundary stuffed more and more cakes down their gullets and started to pack up the kit bag. But of course it is never that simple where The MAD are concerned is it?

The Skip sand wedged one up into waiting arms and then followed a duck from the Big Headed one and a cob from the Cobby (10) one – this time dispatching half his kit into neighbouring gardens and watching the rest of the game from a neighbouring county. S. Dobner (2) followed in quick succession and Hang Time (1) didn’t Hang around for long (must have a match report to write?) and by the time tail ender J. Hoskins (2) had entered the fray they had bought their Shoaib Akhtar back on and all hell broke loose. 102-9 – surely The MAD couldn’t throw this one away?

But wait – amid all the turmoil of crashing wickets a steady ship remained. Funnels gleaming, engines roaring through the mist of flying bails Titanick proudly held his bat aloft. Each time an incoming batsman strode to the crease advice was proffered and each time every batsman totally ignored the advice and strode pretty much straight back to the hutch… apart from one. Like a blast from the past Blocker A. Mann (0*) held fast. The MAD still had 7 overs to get the last 15 runs no panic cried Titanick – “Block away and ye shall deliver” was the instruction.

Block after Block and the tension rose 13 off 6, 10 off 5, 8 off 4, 6 off 3, 2 off 1… we practice this in the nets all the time… granted it’s usually runs off balls instead of overs, but the nets are where the games are won….

Most of The MAD players agree Stevie P should be in a fucking circus.

After 19 of the best Blocked balls in the history of The MAD, Titanick (22 n.o.) drove the ball through the covers off the penultimate ball to steer The MAD home to what surely must be one of the most tense victories of all time.

The fuse has been blown at last – R.T. Harris will join the ranks of beaten bogey teams and the question must be asked – is this a neon sign of times to come?

‘Hoskers’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus R. T. Harris Played at Holton, 17 June 2007 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field Far from the MCC won by 1 wkt Far from the MCC debuts: none

07 / 140 35 over match

Team	R. T. Harris
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	D. Yousaf	b Hoskins	21	(59)	1	-	1-54
2	T. Khan +	c Hebbes b Hoskins	25	(61)	1	-	2-57
3	M. Umza	c Reeves b Edwards	27	(44)	-	-	7-103
4	W. Rahman	c Littlechild b Hoskins	1	(7)	-	-	3-63
5	P. Bradley	b Mann	0	(2)	-	-	4-64
6	K. Ahmed	c Edwards b Hoskins	2	(10)	-	-	5-70
7	R. Allsworth *	st Littlechild b Edwards	3	(10)	-	-	6-81
8	T. Ahmed	not out	5	(7)	-	-	-
9	M. Aslam	st Littlechild b Dobner	10	(10)	-	-	8-117
10	A. Rana
11	Arslan
	Extras	(W20, B3)	23
	TOTAL	(for 8 wickets, 35 overs)	117

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Shorten	7	4	7	0
2	Parkinson	7	2	26	0
3	Mann	7	1	16	1
4	Hoskins	7	0	24	4
5	Dobner	4	0	22	1
6	Edwards	3	0	18	2

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	G. S. Littlechild +	c Yousaf b K. Ahmed	12	(25)	2	-	1-18
2	M. T. Westmoreland	c Rahman b Umza	29	(42)	4	-	3-75
3	D. M. Edwards	c Rana b Aslam	16	(30)	2	-	2-47
4	I. Howarth *	c K. Ahmed b Bradley	13	(24)	2	-	4-76
5	N. J. Hebbes	not out	22	(40)	1	-	-
6	M. K. Reeves	st T. Khan b Bradley	0	(5)	-	-	5-76
7	S. B. Parkinson	c T. Khan b Umza	10	(9)	2	-	6-90
8	S. L. P. Dobner	b Bradley	2	(5)	-	-	7-104
9	D. Shorten	c and b K. Ahmed	1	(4)	-	-	8-105
10	J. D. Hoskins	b Bradley	2	(5)	-	-	9-108
11	A. G. Mann	not out	0	(19)	-	-	-
	Extras	(W5, LB3, B3)	11
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 34.4 overs)	118

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	K. Ahmed	7	1	20	2
2	Rahman	6.4	2	14	0
3	Aslam	3	0	17	1
4	Rana	3	0	13	0
5	Umza	6	2	9	2
6	Allsworth	1	0	12	0
7	Bradley	7	2	22	4
8	T. Ahmed	1	0	4	0

MOTM: N. Hebbes Champagne Moment: N. Hebbes’ diving catch Buffet Award: D. M. Edwards’ strawberry gateaux (with chocolate chippings)

Opposition: V029 / 05 Ground: G027 / 02 Captain: C007 / 25

Match Fines