As a footnote to this report from one Dave Shorten, it is perhaps worth considering the length of time involved in its conception before it arrived on the Far from the MCC Web Editor’s desk on the evening of June 7th, 2010. In total, Dave’s literary masterpiece spanned 1,029 days including the leap year of 2008. A new Mad benchmark in slackness. However, there is an English phrase propounding the virtue of patience, and that is ‘good things come to those who wait’.

We will let you the reader form your own opinion on that, so without further ado….

‘Web Editor’

“The Recollections of Youth

From an Old and Somewhat Incontinent Madster”

Match: 07 / 137

Won by 10 wkts

Team	Total
Wootton & Bladon CC	104
D. Shorten 3 - 18, J. Hoskins 3 - 20
FFTMCC	108 - 0
G. Littlechild 61*, D. Edwards 24*

Well it is that time has run its course and here I am beached in my own excrement, an old and withered man with nothing more than faint memories of the glory days to keep me interested in hanging on to this existence. Ah but the memories of this day in particular I keep thinking to myself. If only something incredible had happened then maybe I would have some. All there is is flashes, the odd picture, a face from the past, a very, very large cake, gazebos dotting the field like someone was setting up a circus, The Ant!! The Ant, oh Antony where are you now you fool, why did you leave for that country full of barbarians, only to be swallowed hole by a croc in the bush looking for your old cherry. Ade Small, our only ever Mr. Man, gone, gone, gone now, what delicate fancies you tossed down the strip that day, lost to the Madsters soon after, lured away by Mr. Kipling. Bloody Mr. Kipling, and his bloody cakes, does he know how much tea gets thrown away now Mr. Small has gone?

A. Mann (foreground) would opt for gazebos Down Under a year or so later….

It was marvellous day, sun beating down, fair weather clouds all wispy and puffy. Me and the Lord Lucan were there early. Bugger we thought we’re at the wrong place, 10 minutes till off but no there was the honk honk and the mobile scrappy entourage arrives, led by Mr. Spam in that old Skoda, bits falling off it, straight from the pub.

Well it took most of the afternoon just to get all the bloody gazebos up, to be honest I think most of us were too knackered to think about cricket after that drill, but anyway off Spam went to lose the toss and hey ho it was a bit of fielding for the troops. Marvellous start though, the old Antipodean turning the screw at one end (Mann 7-3-15-0), whilst the Dobner (7-0-29-3) whizzing in at the other with all kinds of shrapnel and catching a couple of bites, marvellous to watch, especially that one which was a perfect ball, perfect edge, perfect catch, bloody good cricket.

M. Clarke (left), another to bugger off abroad, bagged an exemplary TFC on this day.

Oh yes, and then the then change of bowlers, and sorry if this makes me moist around the eyes, but to think back to those days of firm bowels and youthful teammates. Well it was Hoskers and me self who came on. Who would have known that Hoskers was on the foothills of greatness then? Not many of us that was the truth, but time would prove it to be so. He confused those Fatboys, they were flummoxed and mesmerised by his pastries and doughnuts and went gobbling after them only to hear a little rattle and off you toddle (7-1-20-3). Were any of us to know where he would go? In the space of couple of years he had his own trophy cabinet, admittedly full of trophies that he’d mostly invented himself and then won, but by 2013 he was playing for Oxford First XI, 2017 in the England squad and then well the rest they say is history as he destroyed the Aussies at Lords taking 10 wickets in an innings for the first time since Laker. We were all in crowd of course, and of course it was bloody jam tarts, scones and cream puffs but by bloody god it got the job done. Marvellous really.

I did OK me self that day in fact (Shorten 7-1-18-3) and that was to prove to be a rare occurrence. All that bloody training and abstention, where did that get me? Should have gone on the lash and said bollocks to it all. Ah, but hindsight it is a marvellous thing when you have to change your underwear three times a day. Howarth and Small contributed, can’t remember a great deal about it in all honesty, no wickets no tickets eh, (Howarth 3-2-1-0 – actually that’s pretty bloody good, Small 4-1-19-0). Not a lot to be said for batting either, ground in to the dust B. Dale top scoring with 26 only a couple of others in double figures. So it was 104-9, 105 to win, looked like a piece of cake and so it was.

Stock footage has been rescued from the day….

And so it was that Gary and Dan took up the challenge. Gary looked like he was in a hurry to get home (61), Dan looked like he wasn’t. But that’s Dan you see, a fair minded, hardworking, honourable and selfless chap, who would never want to slap a cherry in anger. Play it down the line and on its merits, and if there’s nothing to merit it with then don’t hit anyway so it can feel better about itself. Ah we took the piss out of the poor bugger, but the truth was he was the support that the rest of us grew up, a bit like sweet peas on a bamboo cane, and on this day he was strut that Gary danced up. Marvellous to watch - a young stallion at one end bashing it all over the place and the rhythmic thud of Dan’s defensive shots at the other. Mind you he got the biggest cheer when he hit a four right at the death. Don’t throw it away, Don’t throw it away Dan would always say to me, I think he would always say it to everyone in fact. But how he would eat his words! HA! Fed up with propping up our batting line he chucked his old Newbury into his wood shredder and turned up in 2013 with a homemade Mini Mongoose. It only had 6 inches of bat right at the bottom, but was a foot deep. By god what a season, brought up the Mad’s first double century off 44 balls, and went on to patent it as well, went global, made him a mint.

Dave (seated) contemplates the 3 years it’ll take to write this report….

Well that was it, there was a lot of cake left at the end, Ade Small did his best, we all did, but it was massive. There are still lumps of it there now 30 years on, grass covered. Gazebos full of drunken or sleeping Madsters. People pissing in the hedges, pack up, down the pub, those were the days. Must sign off now, got a turd needs cleaning up….

‘Lego’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Wootton & Bladon CC Played at Woodstock, 20 May 2007 Wootton & Bladon CC won the toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 10 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none

07 / 137 35 over match

Team	Wootton & Bladon CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	A. Stone	b Shorten	22				2-44
2	T. Poole	c Howarth b Dobner	8				1-22
3	N. Clifton +	b Hoskins	13				5-60
4	S. Poole *	b Hoskins	9				3-58
5	A. Hambridge	b Shorten	0				4-60
6	W. Dale	c Hadfield b Dobner	26				8-95
7	H. Manuel	b Shorten	3				6-70
8	J. Bateman	b Hoskins	1				7-79
9	R. Clapham	c and b Dobner	4				9-98
10	S. Edwards	not out	3				-
11	M. Bateman	not out	4				-
	Extras	(W9, LB2)	11
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 35 overs)	104

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Mann	7	3	15	0
2	Dobner	7	0	29	3
3	Shorten	7	1	18	3
4	Hoskins	7	1	20	3
5	Howarth	3	2	1	0
6	Small	4	1	19	0

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	G. S. Littlechild +	not out	61	(72)	8	-	-
2	D. M. Edwards	not out	24	(77)	1	-	-
3	I. Howarth *
4	R. J. B. Hadfield
5	M. D. Clarke
6	J. C. W. Hotson
7	S. L. P. Dobner
8	J. D. Hoskins
9	A.G. Mann
10	D. Shorten
11	A. Small
	Extras	(NB1, W7, LB3, B12)	23
	TOTAL	(for 0 wicket, 24.4 overs)	108

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Edwards	5	1	12	0
2	Manuel	4	0	12	0
3	Clifton	3	0	14	0
4	Clapham	6	0	21	0
5	S. Poole	3	0	15	0
6	M. Bateman	2	1	6	0
7	J. Bateman	2.4	0	9	0

MOTM: J. D. Hoskins Champagne Moment: R. J. B. Hadfield’s catch in the deep Buffet Award: A. Small’s shortbread biscuits

Opposition: V027 / 09 Ground: G031 / 01 Captain: C007 / 22

Match Fines