Far from the MCC fines 03.05.09 v Cholsey CC (a) won by 10 wkts

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Dave E.	Being smug	At Fines Committee
	Moaning about his quad’s	Apparent muscle pulls due to late night on piss watching Ricky Hatton fight
	Impersonating Adie Small	Vociferous appeal
	Insulting Nick’s dog	Thinking it to be a stray
			£1.00
Nick	Late arrival	Even though he lives locally
	Throwing like a girl	Apparent weak arm etc
	Contact lens avoidance	Changed to wearing glasses
	Assaulting JP in the field	Collision going for catch
	Contributing fuck all	Other than collision / catch he did nothing all day
	Overly friendly with opposition
	Being smug	At Fines Committee
	Impersonating GW Bush	Declaring a successful appeal against a fine before the votes were all in
			£2.00
Jake	Not using gloves to stop ball	Used his head
	Texting Thorn at 4am	To get Thorn to ring him in the morning to wake him up (for lift)
	Missed stumping	X2	£1.00
	Ignoring advice in field	Help with his keeping
	Disorientated	Using wrong changing room
	Delusional	Thinking he was still Fines Chairman
	Rain Man impersonation	Advanced mathematical thinking and making no sense
			£2.50
JP	Mincing	Appeal
	Flashing	Changing in front of a family
	Conforming to Aussie stereotype	Giving advancing batsman a send off after dismissing him
	Assaulting Nick in the field	Collision going for catch
	Vocal avoidance	Causing collision in field
	Bowling with hat on
	Self-entrapment	At Fines Committee
			£1.75
Dan	Impersonating Men In Black	Wearing dark sun-glasses
	Solo celebration after run out	Nobody saw his run out after batsman left his crease
	Slow scoring	Allowing Moo to get his 50
	Playing football instead of cricket	Heading ball at slip
	Average protection
	Needing knock on head	To rediscover batting form
	Off with the cuckoos	Not concentrating at Fines Committee
			£1.75
Dave S	Failing to deliver to the homeless	Arriving on bicycle with hamper
	Promoting breast cancer	Harping on about the charity
	Multiple kit	Two boxes
	Stealing	A box from the kit bag
	Justifying stealing	The box
	Poor umpiring	Crap gestures
	Being rude	Gesturing with index finger at Steve D
	Extorting money	Unsuccessfully (for charity)
	Large cob	At Fines Committee	£0.50
	Mini cob
	Donation	25p to Fines Committee
			£3.00
Thorn	Smoking on pitch		£0.50
	Eating on pitch
	Impersonating Merlin	Opposition likened his appearance to Merlin
	Impersonating Phil Tufnell	Shaggy twig-like appearance
	Bullying Jake	Ordering him to get his pint
	Self-importance
	Lying	At Fines Committee
			£2.00
James H	Impersonating Long John Silver	Hobbling with foot injury
	Impersonating Steptoe and Son	Appearance
	Crap wicket taking delivery	Bowling Chappers with a shit ball (which bounced multiple times)
	Pot calling kettle	Derogatory remarks about Dave cycling
	Moaning	About carrying kit bag
	Mini cob	About his hat
	Sponsored by his mum	She bought him a new hat
			£1.75
Steve D	Defrauding Breast Cancer	Not sponsoring Dave
	Blaming Ian	For shortcomings in the field
	Insulting Lego	At committee
	Backing up disaster in field	“Hello sailor!”
	Blaming Ian	For overthrows
	Impersonating a tree	Rooted to spot in field
	Mini cob	“70 miles for this!”
	Persistent grumbling	About Cholsey
			£2.00
Martin	Mothering the team	Sending out “motherly” text evening before the match (x10)	£2.50
	Average protection
	Wake-up call avoidance	Jake
	Farming strike	Whilst batting
	Being overly nice to Steve D	Giving him the “nicest” fielding positions
	Self-importance	Leading by example
	Cruelty to Dan	Not allowing Dan to get to 50
	Failure to bring back Dave S	Dave still hasn’t completed a bowling stint
			£4.25
Ian	Talking drivel	All day
	Delusional	Forgetting he’s no longer the skipper
	Moaning	About getting a TFC
	Comedy fielding	With Moo
	Comedy fielding	With Steve D
	Poor bladder	Urination behind a tree during game
	Self-importance
	OCD	Continual problems during the day
			£2.00
		TOTAL	£24.00

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership <25 Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Uber [anything] – particularly arrogant, smug or condescending	£0.50
Extreme [anything] – particularly Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£1.00
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2