“Hebbes
Falters
As Mad
Whinge, Cob and Moan to Defeat”
Match: 10
/ 201
Lost
by 39 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
Marsh XI |
148 - 7 |
|
N. Hebbes 4 - 18 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
109 |
|
D. Shorten 18, N. Hebbes
18 |
|
|
With the small matter of
49 runs required for victory off the final 3 overs, Mr. Shorten could be
heard berating number eleven batsman, N. Hebbes, from his vantage point on
the boundary. “C’mon, Nick – don’t screw this up! Not after the solid
foundations we’ve laid!” Never a man to shirk a challenge, Hebbes’ danced
down the track and hit the Marsh XI bowler straight over his head for a
glorious four. Another couple through the gully, and scorer and spectator, I.
Howarth, was heard to quip “gosh, I think Nick only needs another couple to
claim the prize for the highest ever
score by a MAD number eleven batsman!” <Chink!> And it was all over.
Hebbes, bowled by H. Ansar for 18.
Shorten (centre) would chair The MAD heckling
pitch-side. T. Smith: “You fucking Jonah, Howarth.” J. Hoskins: “Oh, Christ – I thought
we were going to win that game, right up until I got out.” D. Shorten: “I wish you’d got out
earlier! Fucking ‘ell – how many balls did you use up – boring us to death? D. Emerson: “This game fucking
sucks. Ran out – again – off a bowler’s boot.” C. Roberts: “At least you weren’t
run out by a team mate….” J. Hoskins: “…that wasn’t my fault, I had the sun in my eyes!
And anyway, if you can’t understand ‘yes-no-wait’, then you’re an idiot!” I. Leggate: “I thought my
strike-rate was pretty good?” T. Smith: “Yeah, the two fucking balls you
were out there for, you useless prick!” M. Westmoreland: “Great game, guys. Well
batted….”
Oxford was treated to gorgeous June weather. Of course, the evening
hadn’t all been about moaning, whinging, and throwing mud around; it was
after all a beautiful summer’s evening, and even though the council had
typically forgotten to prepare a proper pitch, Mr. Westmoreland had gone
against type and actually won a
toss. He had no qualms about sticking Marsh XI into bat either, and when N.
Hebbes (3-0-18-4) snared the first three batsmen to fall and leave the
opposition on 16-3, things appeared on the surface to be pretty rosy indeed. Unfortunately for The MAD, the opposition had arrived in dribs and drabs,
and as a result their batting order was a little out of synch. Safe to say,
the engine room had only now occupied the crease. D. Darnish
(48) and Z. Hussain (27) quickly set about restoring parity with an
increasingly hostile partnership of 88, only broken when C. Roberts
(3-0-23-1) had the former pouched by J. Pearson at mid-on. Cue Mr. Smith
(2-0-18-2) to amaze all with a non-throwing
display of spinning guile, to raise MAD hopes once again of limiting the
target to chase. Alas, these hopes soon evaporated as a partially reversed,
inversed, and then partially complete batting line-up ploughed through
Leggate (2-0-23-0), Hoskins (3-0-25-0), Shorten (3-1-15,0) and Pearson
(4-0-22-0) to leave the opposition on 148 for 7 off their 20 overs.
‘The Full Monty’ have nothing on Team MAD. A liquid dinner was
provided between innings – carefully brewed and supplied in metallic cans by
a local shop. The contents obviously had no beneficial effect whatsoever, as
Team MAD would soon disintegrate with the bat. Martin (1) suffered the now
regular Mad dismissal to a ball “that came back a fucking mile”, and D.
Emerson’s (8) batting holocaust continued as bowler Iejaz
deflected a ball onto the stumps with our Kiwi stranded. Shorten’s brief
cameo (18) threatened resistance until he “played a stupid fucking shot” when
he’d “been playing sensible cricket up until that point”. Roberts (11) tonked
a six over cow corner only for J. Hoskins to run him out a few balls later.
Smith (4), Pearson (3) and Leggate (1) were all bowled looking awful, whilst
J. Hotson (1) was short of the crease for his third match running – this time
stumped as opposed to run out. It was a dire spectacle,
and spirits were only momentarily lifted when cricketing legend, A. Morley,
took a tumble whilst trying for a second run. Good sportsmanship from the
Marsh boys allowed Morlers to retire briefly – hurt as opposed to run out.
Andrew, claiming he got entangled in the one inch thick grass out in the
middle, would later return to the crease after Hoskins’ (16) unpopular knock
came to an end. N. Hebbes required somebody to help him push The MAD over the
finishing line, which of course he failed miserably to do, and of course
which left Morlers stranded on 3 not out with a century there for the taking.
Thorn (background) prepares for another
cricketing bumming. 109 all out and time to
fuck off to the pub and have a right
good moan [about a pretty wretched performance]. After a couple of
unsuccessful attempts to park his car opposite the Dew Drop, Mr. Westmoreland
called time on his intended whinging and sped off in the direction of home to
beat up his wife and kids. This left a gaggle of MAD sat out front to blame each
other for slow scoring, complain about the pitch, get irate about beer prices
and question D. Shorten’s intended mountaineering expedition which clashes
with Tour. Furtherly they berated Mr. Leggate’s inability to bowl a 6-ball
over, laughed at I. Howarth’s Achilles tendonitis, poked fun at D. Emerson’s
run out and reminded “Bob” Roberts his running between the wickets wouldn’t
have looked out of place in a circus. Lastly, J. Hoskins’ inability to use
his Mongoose bat came under the spotlight, as did Mr. Hebbes’ failure to see
the team to victory – and his
failure in breaking B. Mander’s 8 year old record
for a MAD batsman batting at number eleven….
The sun goes down on the MAD moaning…. ‘Avid Fan’
|
*
Statto
Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Marsh XI Played at Cutteslowe Park, 16 June
2010 Far from the MCC won the toss and
elected to field Marsh XI won by 39 runs Far from the MCC debuts:
none |
10 / 201 20 over match |
|
Team |
Marsh XI |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
H. Abassi |
c Westmoreland b Hebbes |
0 |
(5) |
- |
- |
1-8 |
|
2 |
A. Butt |
c Smith b Hebbes |
6 |
(12) |
1 |
- |
2-11 |
|
3 |
D. Danish |
b Hebbes |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
3-11 |
|
4 |
H. Hussain |
c Pearson b Roberts |
48 |
(37) |
5 |
2 |
4-99 |
|
5 |
Z. Abassi |
b Smith |
27 |
(28) |
2 |
- |
5-99 |
|
6 |
D. Adnan |
not out |
32 |
(20) |
4 |
2 |
- |
|
7 |
S. Iejaz |
st Hotson b Smith |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
6-99 |
|
8 |
Umar |
c Hoskins b Hebbes |
11 |
(13) |
2 |
- |
7-142 |
|
9 |
Ansar |
not out |
1 |
(1) |
- |
- |
- |
|
10 |
Azmat |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
H. Ansar |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB2, W9, LB8, B4) |
23 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 7 wickets, 20 overs) |
148 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Pearson |
4 |
0 |
22 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Hebbes |
3 |
0 |
18 |
4 |
|
|
3 |
Leggate |
2 |
0 |
23 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
Hoskins |
3 |
0 |
25 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Roberts |
3 |
0 |
23 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Shorten |
3 |
1 |
15 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Smith |
2 |
0 |
18 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from
the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
M. T. Westmoreland * |
b Iejaz |
1 |
(4) |
- |
- |
1-7 |
|
2 |
D. Emerson |
run out |
8 |
(13) |
1 |
- |
2-16 |
|
3 |
D. Shorten |
b Butt |
18 |
(21) |
2 |
- |
3-41 |
|
4 |
A. Morley |
not out |
3 |
(10) |
- |
- |
- |
|
5 |
C. D. Roberts |
run out |
11 |
(9) |
1 |
1 |
4-52 |
|
6 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b Ansar |
16 |
(26) |
1 |
- |
9-100 |
|
7 |
T. P. W. Smith |
b Umar |
4 |
(9) |
- |
- |
5-70 |
|
8 |
J. W. Pearson |
b Adnan |
3 |
(5) |
- |
- |
6-74 |
|
9 |
I. C. Leggate |
b Butt |
1 |
(2) |
- |
- |
7-78 |
|
10 |
J. C. W. Hotson + |
st Abassi b
Umar |
1 |
(4) |
- |
- |
8-79 |
|
11 |
N. J. Hebbes |
b Ansar |
18 |
(9) |
3 |
- |
10-109 |
|
|
Extras |
(W20, LB3, B2) |
25 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 18.4 overs) |
109 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Azmat |
3 |
0 |
13 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Iejaz |
3 |
0 |
12 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Ansar |
2.3 |
0 |
27 |
2 |
|
|
4 |
Adnan |
2 |
0 |
9 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
H. Abassi |
2 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Butt |
3 |
0 |
12 |
2 |
|
|
7 |
Umar |
3.1 |
0 |
17 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note: A. Morley retired and
later returned at fall of ninth wicket |
|
|||||
|
MOTM: N. J. Hebbes Champagne Moment: C. D. Roberts’ maximum
over cow corner Buffet
Award: I. C. Leggate’s yip-tastic yoghurt and fruit side dish |
Opposition:
V058 / 01 Ground: G001 / 29 Captain: C011 / 30 |