“The Sweet Smell of Victory”
Match: 11
/ 239
Won
by 5 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
Appleton CC |
113 - 4 |
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S. Parkinson 3 - 14 |
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FFTMCC |
117 - 5 |
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R. Hadfield 39*, T. Smith
28 |
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Wednesday evening and
the wind was in the wrong direction. Which way to the ground again? Ah yes,
follow your nose to the Appleton sewage works. I love the smell of human
excrement in the evening. T20 skipper Jake was in charge to marshal the
troops. His first act was to lose the toss and therefore we were fielding
first. The team had an unusual look with a welcome return of the occasional
mincer, Mr S Parkinson, making a round trip from Nottingham via Heathrow
airport. Also, Lord Lucan, making a short return to the UK for tax purposes,
and for good measure Adie “Crash” Fisher managing to drag himself from behind
whichever Oxford bar he is currently running. These three were unencumbered
by the poor form which has afflicted most of the team this season and
therefore spirits were high with the scent of victory (and poo) in the air.
Library footage of S. Parkinson’s return to the
fold a few weeks earlier. Skipper Jake was
inspired with his bowling rotations, using his attack in short bursts to
bamboozle the opposition. Taking his cue from the most recent innovations in
international T20 he opened with a spinner, J Hoskins (2, 0, 12, 0) who
bowled tidily against aggressive batting. S Parkinson (4, 1, 14, 3) showed
why he has been missed, dismissing two of the most capable looking batsmen
and then a 12 year old child for good measure, the bully. The crucial middle overs
were filled by T Smith (2, 0, 10, 1), D Shorten (3, 0, 13, 0) and A Fisher
(2, 0, 13, 0). Adie Fisher, much imitated but never bettered, the original
purveyor of quality pie, was especially effective in this short form of the
game. It was only C Roberts (4, 0, 29, 0) and M Reeves (3, 0, 20, 0) who
suffered as Appleton looked to accelerate in the final overs. However the
final total of 113 was general thought to be a little below par and
definitely gettable on what was still a fine and bright evening.
T20 Captain extraordinaire J. Hotson at the helm
of the Goodship MAD. Jake decided to employ a
complex methodology (as detailed below) to determine the batting order.
Players were not sure up until the moment before they were due to walk out,
whether they were batting next or not, but amazingly the system seemed to be
working. Maybe it was because there was no time to sit and worry; it was just
straight out there and do what you can. Jamo’s
(10) squad number is the square root of his batting average and therefore he
was first in, along with Leggate who’s hair length in inches minus his strike
rate is a perfect prime. James’ first three deliveries could hardly have gone
better, 2, 4, 4. Unfortunately his fourth couldn’t have been worse as he
holed out. Still 10 runs in 4 balls was a great start and set the tone for
the rest of the innings. Ian (5) scampered and scurried for his five runs. We
were on our way.
Library footage of J. Hoskins returning after, erm…
being out. C Roberts (8) height in
centimetres divided by the time of Jamo’s departure
in minutes is exactly 3.142 and therefore he was next in to bat. One spanking
off drive, which none of the Appleton fielders dare get in the way of was the
highlight of a brief innings. Dx/dq = 0, where x is
runs required and q is the stink coming from the sewage works and therefore R
Hadfield (39 not out) was up next. He played a cracking innings, fending off
the best Appleton could chuck at him before launching the first massive six.
Jake was especially impressed as its arc formed a perfect parabola with a
maximum velocity half that of the earth’s rotation. He was more than ably
assisted by T Smith (28) who’s name in scrabble gives a score twice that of
the pitch area (in hectares). Thornton was sporting the newly restored ‘Biffa
1’ which has lost none of its old power. He used it to dispatch the second
monster six, which Jake again looked on approvingly as he calculated its
launch speed actually heated the earth’s core by 0.00012 degrees. On the
boundary a whisper was starting to spread, could we do it, could we really do
it? After such a run of dismal form, could we really beat a good team in
their own back yard / cess pit.
The dizzying effect of a MAD victory was felt by
players and spectators alike. Jake then surmised that
S Parkinson’s (12 not out) round trip to attend this match in kilometres
would be the next number in a Fibonacci sequence involving the required run
rate and therefore he was the obvious choice to bring us home. A third
massive six flew from his mighty bat. Jake was only slightly disconcerted
that it conformed to no known mathematic formulae as it flew over the
boundary. The luminescence of P Mellor’s (2) pink sun visor (measured in
candles) was within 4 of the runs required and so inevitably he was next in.
Jake realised he should instead have calculated it in quasars as Paddy
quickly departed. Finally a beautiful equation came together as D Shorten
came to the crease and smashed the fourth six of the innings over mid on to bring us home. Runs required = 0. Eleven
players = delighted. ‘Reevsie’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Appleton CC Played at Appleton, 20 July 2011 Appleton CC won the toss and elected
to bat Far from the MCC won by 5 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none |
11 / 239 20 over match |
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Team |
Appleton
CC |
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# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. Manning |
c and b Parkinson |
3 |
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2 |
M. Bungay * |
b Parkinson |
12 |
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3 |
E. Bennett |
retired |
37 |
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4 |
A. Buck |
b Smith |
1 |
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5 |
E. Gilkes |
retired |
37 |
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6 |
M. Godwin |
not out |
18 |
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7 |
C. Salmon |
b Parkinson |
0 |
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8 |
T. Crowe |
not out |
1 |
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9 |
A. Jeffreys |
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10 |
S. Hancock |
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11 |
C. McKno |
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Extras |
(LB4) |
4 |
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TOTAL |
(for 4 wickets, 20 overs) |
113 |
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# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Hoskins |
2 |
0 |
12 |
0 |
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2 |
Parkinson |
4 |
1 |
14 |
3 |
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3 |
Smith |
2 |
0 |
10 |
1 |
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4 |
Shorten |
3 |
0 |
13 |
0 |
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5 |
Fisher |
2 |
0 |
13 |
0 |
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|
6 |
Roberts |
4 |
0 |
29 |
0 |
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|
7 |
Reeves |
3 |
0 |
20 |
0 |
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Team |
Far from the MCC |
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# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. D. Hoskins |
c b Jeffreys |
10 |
(4) |
2 |
- |
1-10 |
|
2 |
I. C. Leggate |
b Crowe |
5 |
(14) |
- |
- |
3-37 |
|
3 |
C. D. Roberts |
b McKno |
8 |
(13) |
1 |
- |
2-27 |
|
4 |
R. J. B. Hadfield |
retired |
39 |
(42) |
4 |
1 |
- |
|
5 |
T. P. W. Smith |
c b Bungay |
28 |
(22) |
3 |
1 |
4-90 |
|
6 |
S. B. Parkinson |
not out |
12 |
(18) |
- |
1 |
- |
|
7 |
P. A. S. Mellor |
run out |
2 |
(4) |
- |
- |
5-111 |
|
8 |
D. Shorten |
not out |
6 |
(2) |
- |
1 |
- |
|
9 |
M. K. Reeves |
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10 |
A. J. Fisher |
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11 |
J. C. W. Hotson *+ |
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Extras |
(NB3, B4) |
7 |
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TOTAL |
(for 5 wickets, 19.2 overs) |
117 |
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# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Jeffreys |
3 |
0 |
25 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
McKno |
2 |
0 |
7 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Crowe |
3 |
1 |
7 |
1 |
|
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4 |
Hancock |
2 |
0 |
21 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Bungay |
3 |
0 |
12 |
1 |
|
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6 |
Buck |
2 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
|
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7 |
Bennett |
2 |
0 |
18 |
0 |
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|
8 |
Salmon |
1.2 |
0 |
7 |
0 |
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|
MOTM: R. J. B. Hadfield Champagne Moment: D. Shorten’s maximum to
win the game Buffet
Award: C. D. Robert’s sausage and
chip rolls (with tangy sauce) |
Opposition:
V051 / 06 Ground: G042 / 04 Captain: C012 / 10 |