“A Cursed Affair”

 

 

Match:  11 / 227

Lost by 6 wkts

 

 

Team

 

Total

FFTMCC

128

T. Smith  30,  I. Howarth  25

 

Milton CC

131 - 4

I. Howarth  2 - 14

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Milton crush a few IED’s into the pitch prior to The MAD innings.

 

 

‘Tis a curse’ proclaimed Westmoreland, ‘We’ve never beaten them on their own turf and we really should have. Perhaps today is that day.’ As sporting curses go we’re in the upper echelons here, alongside the infamous Curse of The Bambino or Curse of Coogan’s Bluff, or perhaps the relatively unknown Curse of the Colonel, as, for The MAD to win against Milton, at Milton, is seemingly, an impossibility. It is in fact a curse so universally well known that the geeks at Wikipedia have entered it into their ‘Sporting Curses’ page (see excerpt below). And yet the brave, if slightly battered (from the previous eve’s ‘night in curled up on the sofa with loved ones’), Mad soldiers would try again. And they would confound their doubters. And they would emerge victorious. And with combat gear in tow they would make the epic journey north in some vain hope that ‘today, this day, would be their day’….

 

 

image002

 

Text enlarged below (for those with poor eyesight):

 

 

“Main article: Curse of Milton – A curse that has befallen the Oxford based amateur pub slash village cricket side Far From The MCC. For 6 years now they have tried, and failed, to beat the mighty Milton CC away from home - and have only managed the feat once at home in those 6 years. The curse is believed to have originated after I Howarth suggested Milton CC looked like 'a bunch of fat useless ^%&*$ incapable of hitting a stationary %**^ let alone a *^&*%*^ sized ball'. It has since been suggested that this curse has now spread out to ' all other cricket teams' as they also seem to be able to beat The MAD.”

 

 

It wasn’t – they were given a severe beating and then sent packing, cursing the curse, or anything else they could launch a bout of coprolalia at, as they went.

 

The day started with a game of ‘Hunt the Leaf’ and things were looking up as Westmoreland left the opposition skipper by guessing right in going left. Or something like that. After a series of collapses in The MAD’s previous outings there was only one sensible thing to do; ‘We’ll have a bat’. Oh. Admittedly the decision was influenced somewhat here by the fact that The MAD were unable to send 11 players out to field as one of them, a Mr D Emerson, was snoozing in a nearby parked car. His nap would not be a lengthy one….

 

 

 

Skip plays ‘Hunt The Leaf’.

 

 

After being forced to bat first The MAD’s opening partnership, the word partnership being a loose term here, looked a promising one. Howarth and Dobner began watchfully until the former put on a spurt in smiting three fours in succession off the bowling of N Reeves. The partnership would eventually be broken on 29 when Howarth (25) was caught at the fourth time of asking – with a few extras thrown into that partnership I’ll leave you to figure out exactly what Dobner’s contribution was. It was 1. M Reeves joined Dobner in the middle and both set about playing themselves in. In a season thus far full of inevitabilities this game threw up many more as inevitably Reeves (3) was schizophrenically bowled by Reeves with Dobner (10) inevitably falling almost immediately after – the inevitable collapse was well and truly on. Leggate (0) followed quickly but Smith (30), Westmoreland (8), and Shorten (17), who gave it some ‘welly’, offered some resistance. The tail didn’t so much as wag but more flail in the wind with Hotson’s well manufactured and aesthetically pleasing 11* proving the highlight. The innings concluded on 128 all out after Emerson (3) had eventually stirred from his slumber to attempt to trouble the scorers. Instead he was bowled by Plumb. Where was the inevitable LBW that this writer could have dined out on? Had The MAD’s ‘luck’ changed?

 

 

 

A majestic cover drive from S. Dobner (10).

 

 

We would not have to wait long to find out as lunch was to be delayed leaving The MAD to bowl 8 overs before being refreshed. These 8 overs went for a mere 11 runs as the meagre Shorten (8-4-16-0) and Emerson (8-1-22-1) exploited the ‘lively’ track; a track that had already accounted for Howarth’s thumb in his sprightly knock earlier in the piece. He’ll tell you the story when you see him next. Many a time. If The MAD could keep it tight for the next 8 overs and sneak the odd wicket could they drag themselves back into this game? After a few too many delightfully moist chocolate brownies (amongst other treats) we would know…

 

33 runs came from the next 8 overs but crucially only one wicket fell as Emerson saved himself 50p in having Stanley (26) caught neatly at slip by Hoskins with the final ball of his spell. The run rate was below 3 and if it continued like that The MAD would be break the dreaded Milton curse. Howarth bowled a delightful spell and arguably deserved more than the figures of 8-3-14-2 he left with, but please don’t tell him I said that. It was a real ‘thumbs up’ for his performance as his MOTM accolade would prove. Milton were able to tick along though and despite losing Bedward (11) after he retired hurt (seemingly from too much running?) as well as Cooper (6) and N Reeves (4) to the aforementioned Howarth they were 98 for 3 with 9 overs left. A few more wickets and The MAD may scent something. Opener Hammond (62*) was the stalwart of the Milton innings and much would hinge around his wicket. As he was not out you may guess where this is going. Hoskins (2.5-1-12-1) had Plumb caught (by the selfish Howarth) but Hammond was to garner enough runs to see Milton home with 4.1 overs to spare, whip cracking a few pleasant boundaries in the process.

 

 

 

No matter how hard you look, that total is shit….

 

 

The curse would continue as The MAD were left to lick their wounds, quite literally in Howarth’s case. As there is precious little more to be said about the game let me elaborate on a few things mentioned above;

 

Curse of The Bambino; Perhaps the most famous sporting curse? The Red Sox sell Babe Ruth to the Yankees in 1920. Before that the Red Sox had won 6 World Series and the Yankees 0. After that, up until 2003 (as anyone who’s seen ‘rom com’ A Perfect Catch will tell you), the Yankees won 26 World Series to the Sox’s 0.

 

Curse of Coogan’s Bluff; In 1957 the Giants left the Polo Grounds at Coogan’s Bluff in NY to move to Candlestick Park in San Francisco. Feeling betrayed fans placed a hex upon the team so it would never win a World Series away from New York – until 2010 it had worked.

 

Curse of the Colonel; In 1985 Hanshin Tigers won the Japan Championship Series (note the absence of the word World in there USA!). In celebration fans ‘grabbed’ a statue of Colonel Sanders from a nearby KFC and threw it into a canal. In the following 17 years Hanshin finished last in their league 10 times and it was believed that until the Colonel was recovered they would never win another championship. The Colonel was recovered in March 2009 but thus far the curse continues….

 

 

 

The familiar sight of a Mad batsman after dismissal at Milton….

 

 

Coprolalia; this is often what people mistake as Tourette’s. Coprolalia is involuntary swearing or the involuntary utterance of obscene words or socially inappropriate and derogatory remarks. Tourette’s is more associated with physical ‘tics’ and the shouting of obscene words rarely accompany this…

 

Ahh, Milton… you ^%$$%^%^%$ &^&^%&^%&^%!!!!

 

‘Noah’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Milton CC

Played at Warriner School [Bloxham], 29 May 2011

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat

Milton CC won by 6 wkts

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

11 / 227

 

 

 

 

 

40 over match

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

I. Howarth

c Houseman b Reeves

25

(34)

3

1

1-29

2

S. L. P. Dobner

b Hammond

10

(31)

-

-

3-42

3

M. K. Reeves

b Reeves

3

(17)

-

-

2-42

4

I. C. Leggate

c b Houseman

0

(9)

-

-

4-45

5

T. P. W. Smith

c and b Hill

30

(37)

4

-

6-107

6

M. T. Westmoreland *

c b Cooper

8

(14)

-

-

5-79

7

D. Shorten

c b Hill

17

(20)

1

1

7-107

8

G. J. Timms

c b Bedward

0

(4)

-

-

8-108

9

J. D. Hoskins

c b Bedward

5

(16)

-

-

9-115

10

J. C. W. Hotson +

not out

11

(30)

-

-

-

11

D. Emerson

b Plumb

3

(12)

-

-

10-128

 

Extras

(NB1, W12, LB1, B2)

16

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 37.1 overs)

128

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Reeves

8

2

27

2

 

2

Hammond

7

1

15

1

 

3

Houseman

6

0

47

1

 

4

Hooper

5

0

15

1

 

5

Hill

6

2

10

2

 

6

Bedward

4

1

5

2

 

7

Plumb

1.1

0

4

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Milton CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

A. Stanley

c Hoskins b Emerson

26

(39)

4

-

1-41

2

C. Hammond

not out

62

(119)

6

1

-

3

G. Bedward

retired hurt

11

(18)

1

-

-

4

J. Cooper

b Howarth

6

(6)

1

-

2-74

5

N. Reeves

b Howarth

4

(14)

-

-

3-97

6

A. Plumb

c Howarth b Hoskins

1

(7)

-

-

4-100

7

A. Donaldson

not out

6

(10)

-

-

-

8

R. Hill

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

J. Lait

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

C. Price

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

C. Houseman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB2, W3, LB1, B9)

15

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 4 wickets, 36.5 overs)

131

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Emerson

8

1

22

1

 

2

Shorten

8

4

16

0

 

3

Howarth

8

3

14

2

 

4

Dobner

5

0

31

0

 

5

Reeves

5

0

25

0

 

6

Hoskins

2.5

1

12

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note:  G. Bedward retired after 22 overs with the score on 60-1

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  I. Howarth

Champagne Moment:  J. D. Hoskins’ regulation slip catch

Buffet Award:  S. L. P. Dobner’s Essex meringue pie (with rich cream)

 

 

Opposition:  V040 / 07

Ground:  G029 / 06

Captain:  C011 / 51