“Devon Loch Haunts the Nomads”

Match: 11 / 222

Won by 9 runs

Team	Total
FFTMCC	108
A. Darley 30, M. Reeves 29
Nomads CC	99
D. Emerson 5 - 31, J. Hoskins 3 - 21

The Nomads of Swindon were this weekend guilty of emulating the achievements of Devon Loch – the Queen Mother’s infamous nag that went into folklore after inexplicably collapsing with the winning post in sight in the 1956 Grand National. That’s far too long ago for most of us to remember, but you can YouTube wobbly old black and white footage which leaves you pondering whether horses really do take bungs? It really is very odd indeed….

T. Smith is out of shot fannying about in the changing rooms….

A few hours previous to this lamentable flop, The Far From The MCC had also demonstrated a keen understanding of the term ‘imploding’ – by violently collapsing inwards as a result of external pressure. To be fair, external pressure didn’t really exist – yet The MAD were somehow able to conjure something up in ‘The Labs of Ineptitude’ and force this reaction. A Pascal reading was only noted when stalwart number eleven D. Emerson strode to the crease and found himself having to shoulder the burden of his team mates after their “fucking useless display of useless fucking batting.” Predictably the test tube shattered soon after.

Much earlier in the day, a successful coin toss had opened the doors of opportunity for the visitors to post an imposing target. Just what was an imposing target on a sponge-like pitch was perhaps a topic of subjective debate, but the flaccid total that was finally realised was probably substantially less than that of… imposing. If indeed we could establish just was imposing – which clearly The MAD couldn’t.

A. Darley (30) goes aerial “ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!”

B.

Undeterred by recent rainfall and arthritic ailments, the right-left opening combo of Howarth and Reeves guided themselves past the first hurdle of fines by reaching 27. Perhaps smug in the knowledge, Howarth (12) departed soon after to a leading edge. A gay pink-visor sporting P. Mellor (10) robustly swatted a few, whilst Reeves’ (29) enterprising innings was curtailed thereafter by dolloping one in the air. Not that he cared, for in his own words he had “cemented his place at the top of the order for many years to come.”

MAD progress was serene, and occasionally not – noticeably not when A. Darley was spanking balls into the stratosphere to cries of “ooooooooooohhhh” and landing in space to cries of “aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh. Jammy c$^%.” It was with the total standing on 84 for 3 that scientist coats were handed out to interested parties, and the doors of the much lauded laboratory were thrown open. Analysing the measure of perpendicular force per unit area, J. Hotson was quick to note “there is no pressure at all – we have all the time in world to post a more than defendable total.” On that note, a black hole opened up and started pulling all and sundry into a black void. Hotson bowled for 6, Darley caught at long on for a spirited 30, Hoskins a cob-spectacular duck, Smith a desolate and cob-harbouring duck, Shorten a blind and hopelessly ran out duck, Newman a pathetically judged ran out 3, and of course Mr. Emerson, a drunk and expletive riddled 4. All leaving our skipper bewildered and beleaguered at the non-striker’s end with 12 next to his name.

D. Emerson guesses the right ball to hit.

The tea interval was notable for its quiet and reflective aura. There were small pockets of moaning regarding a lack of time at crease, but in general people seemed more bemused by what had just occurred than anything else. Well, if the Mad could deflate in such comedic fashion, could the Nomads? Maybe so, because with the very first ball of their reply, the unfortunate H. Alleyne dragged one onto his stumps. Let the Mad rejoice, let bowler Emerson fling Mr. Hoskins several meters in the air – whoop, whoop, whoop!

Celebrations were premature, and bunting was hastily removed once T. Ahmed arrived at the crease. During the next phase of the match, T. Smith was to source several vegetables from the nearby farmer’s field as balls regularly disappeared over his head on the leg-side boundary. 0 for 1 became 67 for 1. Darley (4-1-12-0) toiled with no luck, as did anyone else who bowled. Talk about a one-man team, this was a one-man army – and Ahmed had plenty of ammunition.

Collapse #1 completed.

Perhaps it was his contempt for the bowling, or maybe his embarrassment with the ease in which he had found scoring, but Ahmed’s (49) ill-judged decision to loft a Hoskin’s tart over long off proved pivotal. Newman hung on (this time), and the game took a turn. Relishing the mattress of a pitch, James (6-1-21-3) now went through his repertoire of delights – yorkers, bungers, slow ones, quick ones, wide ones and crap ones – and amidst this myriad of tantalising aperitifs, ones that scalped Saunders (2) and Fotheringham (0). Buoyed by The MAD’s Champion Baker, Shorten found an extra gear from the Brocolli End and did for the doughty Baldwin (5) and gung-ho Preddy (8). The Nomads had crumbled to 84 for 6.

Duck’s first trip of the year ended in tears (he was left at the ground).

Seizing the moment like only master technicians do, Skipper Westmoreland would then coax a few uphill overs out of an irked D. Emerson. Breathing fire (or was it Strongbow fumes?), Dave came bounding in with renewed vigour. He may have scooped buffet during the Ahmed Assault, but he now scooped the wickets of Leighfield (2), Thompson (1) and Hussain (0). One to go for a famous win. Harrow (4*) struck out, as did Whittaker (7) – but the latter’s tonk only sailed into the gleeful hands of one Mr. Reeves at a waiting mid-on. The MAD had triumphed to the tune of 9 runs* and Emerson (7.2-1-31-5) was buried under his ecstatic team mates.

Two collapses in one day? Maybe these teams should embolden their ranks with a structural engineer?

* – Statistical note: the innings totals of 99 and 108 bore an uncanny relationship to the most famous collapse in MAD history – that achieved against Milton in 2006. On that particular day The MAD surrendered from 99-1 to 108 all out. 9 wickets for 9 runs. The Mother of them all.

‘Queen Mother’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Nomads CC Played at Duntisbourne Abbott, 8 May 2011 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 9 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

11 / 222 40 over match

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	I. Howarth	c Hussain b Harrow	12	(26)	2	-	1-27
2	M. K. Reeves	c Leighfield b Thompson	29	(37)	3	-	3-52
3	P. A. S. Mellor	c and b Harrow	10	(14)	1	-	2-44
4	J. C. W. Hotson +	c Hussein b Ahmed	6	(28)	-	-	4-84
5	A. Darley	c Harrow b Thompson	30	(39)	3	1	6-89
6	J. D. Hoskins	b Thompson	0	(3)	-	-	5-88
7	M. T. Westmoreland *	not out	12	(14)	2	-	-
8	T. P. W. Smith	b Ahmed	0	(2)	-	-	7-90
9	D. Shorten	run out (Ahmed)	0	(4)	-	-	8-90
10	J. Newman-Robson	run out (Saunders)	3	(3)	-	-	9-98
11	D. Emerson	b Ahmed	4	(8)	-	-	10-108
	Extras	(W2)	2
	TOTAL	(all out, 30.5 overs)	108

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Hussain	5	1	17	0
2	Harrow	8	1	28	2
3	Thompson	8	2	33	3
4	Ahmed	7.5	2	14	3
5	Preddy	2	0	16	0

Team	Nomads CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	H. Alleyne	b Emerson	0	(1)			1-0
2	M. Baldwin	b Shorten	5				5-74
3	T. Ahmed	c Newman b Hoskins	49				2-67
4	M. Saunders	b Hoskins	2				3-72
5	J. Fotheringham	b Hoskins	0				4-74
6	S. Leighfield	b Emerson	2				7-84
7	N. Preddy	b Shorten	8				6-84
8	A. Thompson	lbw b Emerson	1				8-93
9	J. Whittaker	c Reeves b Emerson	7				9-93
10	M. Hussain	b Emerson	0				10-99
11	M. Harrow	not out	4				-
	Extras	(NB1, W10, LB4, B6)	21
	TOTAL	(all out, 25.2 overs)	99

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Emerson	7.2	1	31	5
2	Darley	4	1	12	0
3	Hoskins	6	1	21	3
4	Shorten	8	2	25	2

MOTM: D. Emerson Champagne Moment: D. Emerson’s wicket with the first ball Buffet Award: D. Emerson’s sponge tart with lemon topping

Opposition: V022 / 09 Ground: G036 / 02 Captain: C011 / 47