Far from the MCC fines 01.07.12 v Wootton & Boars Hill CC (a) lost by 13 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Mike R	Drop		£0.50
	Comedy Fielding	Diving through the ball in the process of dropping it
	Human Windmill	Excessive warming up
	Upsetting the opposition	He's a lefty
	Hat-trick Avoidance	Wicket, Dropped c&b, Wicket
	Snail paced batting	1 scoring shot in 19 balls
	Duck Avoidance	4 runs (see above)
	Wasting Ian's Joker
	Self-importance
	Harbouring Dark thoughts *3		£0.75
	Cockiness
	Hysterical Cob
	Sneering Cob
			£4.00
Dave E	Opening Bowler No Wicket		£0.50
	Failure to see team home
	Injuring a minor	Joe Westmoreland
	Starting a collapse
	Denial of injuring minor	Joe Westmoreland
	Smugness *2		£0.50
	Using a sand wedge on a cricket pitch	Whilst batting
	Self-Importance *3	Couldn’t keep his trap shut during the Fines Committee	£0.75
	Angry Cob
	Quizzical Cob
	Self-Entrapment
	Hypochondriac	Arm defect, groin defect
	Glumness	About said “injuries” and mounting fines
			£4.25
Bob	Duck Avoidance
	Bloodgate Scandal	Cut his hand catching a ball and left the field of play
	Batting out of Character	No slogging
	Cob
	Head in the Clouds
	Giving Fines Chairman neck ache	He's bloody tall to look up to!!
	Attempting to steal Champagne Moment	Successfully!
	Failure to see team home
			£2.00
James P	Opening Batsmen under 25 runs Partnership	24 runs	£0.50
	Pub avoidance
	Having only White clothes in wardrobe
	Turning up in kit
	Leaving in kit
	Snail paced batting
	Harbouring Dark thoughts
	Didn't do anything	His own opinion
	Not contributing to team	His own opinion
	Self-Entrapment
	Smug about playing shit
	Poor knowledge	Didn't know Dan wants to play for Horspath
			£3.25
Salad	Opening Bowler No Wicket	Thanks to inept slip catching from Paddy	£0.50
	Average Protection
	Not Red enough	Jan was definitely redder (we'll come to that later)
	Flopping in the field	On boundary
	Concrete Feet	Impersonating JMO when playing to leg
	Running in Treacle
	Moaning about neighbour / Stalking neighbour	Thorn
	Self-importance
	Failure to see team home
	Bad use of Moo's bat	Not cowing enough
	Poor tail shepherding
	Exposing Jake	To bowling
			£3.25
Paddy	Drop *2		£1.00
	Duck Avoidance	1 run
	Premature gavelling	There was a definite pause!! ;)
	Winging about injuries
	Impersonating Tom Cruise	Aviator Sunnies
	Impersonating Chris Gayle	As above
	Self-importance
	Roast Avoidance	Prior to the match
	Not wearing Pink Visor in the Field
			£3.25
Jan	Duck		£0.50
	Only bowling Shit	To get wickets
	Redder than Salad
	Comedy Fielding	Diving onto the ball & rolling on it
	Losing the plot	forgetting how to bowl midspell
	Beer avoidance	Prior to game
	Tea total	Not drinking
	Defending Alcoholism	Realising his mistake above
	Promoting Alcoholism	Recommending drinking on the pitch
	Failure to bring team home
	Smugness
	Hysterical Cob
	Harbouring Dark Thoughts
	Being laughed at by partner
	Wife Entrapment	See next
	Poor shaving technique	As pointed out by partner
			£4.25
Jake	Duck		£0.50
	Missed Stumping	Possibly from Offices game
	Self-Entrapment
	Failure to bring team home
	Completing Collapse
	Low Self Esteem
	Turning on time
	Impersonating Bob Geldoff	In appearance
	DOBNER CLAUSE		-£1.25
			£1.00
Stevie D	Late for the game
	Dawdling	To the game
	Failure to control kids	Amie D has ‘problems’
	Taking wickets with Shit
	No Faith in the team
	Fines Avoidance
	Pub Avoidance *2
	Cake Avoidance	Kim baked no cake
	DOBNER CLAUSE		-£1.00
			£1.00
Ian H	Comedy Fielding	Simply crap
	Comedy Dismissal	Caught off the back of his bat
	Impersonating Moo	Mirror image of dismissal
	Failure to get Champagne moment	Blaming Bob once more
	Impersonating Windmill	Excessive unnecessary warming up
	Being a Miserable Bastard	About not bowling
	Being a Moaning Bastard	About not bowling / his batting
	Acting in Character	Moaning and being miserable
	Self-Entrapment
	Foul and Abusive language	Directed at Fines Chairman
	Pessimist
	Forgetting Wife's birthday
	Dissing team *10	“You’re all fucking useless.”	£2.50
			£5.50
Moo	Torture of Pearson	Getting Fats to warm up twice yet never actually bowling him
	Bowler abuse	Not using James P
	Victimising Howarth	Not bowling Spam
	Allowing youngest son (Joe) to face an aggressive opening bowler	Emerson
	Being only the 4th best batsmen in family	Behind Mel, Joe and Dan
	Self-importance
	Dissing Dan W. & Joe W.	Not Edwards and Puppy	£0.50
	Favouring one child over the other
	Not bowling out Salad	Only bowled 7 of his 8 overs
	Not playing conventionally
	Comedy Dismissal	Caught off the back of his bat
	Being open to suggestion	Reversing his own company policy
	Becoming a Soft southerner
			£3.50
		TOTAL	£35.25

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£0.50
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2