“Gareth Iscariot”

Match: 12 / 260

Won by 36 Runs

Team	Total
FFTMCC	140 - 6
M. Westmoreland 31*, D. Shorten 29
Centrica XI	104
I. Howarth 3 - 14, D. Emerson 2 - 15

Judas Iscariot (Hebrew: יהודה איש־קריות) was, according to the New Testament, one of the Twelve Apostles of Jesus. He is infamously known for his kiss and betrayal of Jesus to the hands of the chief Sanhedrin priests for a ransom of 30 pieces of silver.

On 10 June 2011, Gareth Iscariot, a direct descendant, kissed the coin of death by which Jesus Hotson would win the toss and elect to bat. Jesus sent out his disciples before him, who proceeded to throw the game away with a series of diabolical run-outs. A brief resurrection left Jesus stranded on 9 not out, but it was all too late, as the bank holiday in England is on the Friday, not the Tuesday as in Wales.

Gareth Iscariot (left) – descendant of Judas.

In the closed season, Jesus worked on the mental stamina of his disciples, and finally chose James, son of the Magic Roundabout ‘Time For Bed’ character Zebedee, as the steeliest to lead his disciples for the resurrection.

Zebedee won the toss and confidently elected to bat. Simon Westmoreland and Andrew Hebbes had been chosen by Jesus to open the innings; Zebedee was happy with this choice.

“Come, follow me,” Matthew said, “and I will make you fishers of men.”

“Bollocks to that,” retorted Simon. “There’s no way I’m fishing outside off stump, I’m hitting it to sacred cow corner.”

Matthew takes guard with a suspicious looking keeper behind….

It wasn’t as easy as that. Simon (31*) had to make do with quick singles and teaching understudy Andrew (18) how to run between the wickets, though failed to teach him how to get his legs out of the way of a ball that is missing leg stump.

Didymus Shorten (29) with his diddy bat came in next and diminished the golden duck with some lusty blows, notably one into the garages of the flats that don’t even overlook the ground. Matthew (8) did some fishing and picked up two huge trout to go with the five loaves provided by Jesus.

Didymus snaps his batting sequence of 0, 0 and 0.

This led the way to a formidable total of 140, with assistance from Robert (4), David (4), Michael (9), Zebedee (14*), and, er, Thornton (1*). Iscariot (3-0-14-2) helped stem the flow of runs.

In reply, Iscariot send out the leader of the Israelites, Ralphus, along with major league baseball star Nicholas (0) to front the attack. However, Jesus wasn’t done with miracles. He first extended David’s arm to take a catch off his own bowling, then extended Robert’s (2-0-15-0) already long arms to scalp the arch-Hebrew Ralphus (1) off Howard’s (4-0-14-3) rank long hop.

The second line of defence for the Jews was inexperienced, and quickly succumbed. However, the third line was strong, with Iscariot himself, a self-declared supposed number eleven to the Christians, ably assisted by the African, Robbin (31), to put the run chase back on target.

Too many to chase?

So, would this be another punch in the face of Jesus by Iscariot?

Well, no. Iscariot (29) stupidly called for a run and was captured by Zebedee (3-0-9-0) off his own bowling, then Robin (31) was cleaned up by Didymus (3-0-17-1). It was then left to David (4-0-15-2) to teach Siva (12) the art of fly fishing, before Michael (1-0-9-1) and Matthew (0.3-0-2-0) finished off the battle. Thornton (2-0-19-0) provided the great feast.

Now Iscariot has been recaptured by the Christians, will he perform for them? Find out in Chapter 15 Verse 7.

Gareth (front middle) – flanked by his mercenaries.

*

Selected noms de plumes

The Mad

Andrew – N. Hebbes

David – D. Emerson

Didymus – D. Shorten

Howard – I. Howarth

Jesus – J. Hotson +

Michael – M. Reeves

Matthew – M. Bullock

Robert – C. Roberts

Simon – M. Westmoreland

Thornton – T. Smith

Zebedee – J. Pearson *

The Cent

Gareth Iscariot – G. Timms *

Ralphus – R. Smith +

Nicholas – N. Hill

Robbin – R. Robbins

Siva – G. Siva

‘Jesus Dredd’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Centrica XI Played at Jesus College, 1 June 2012 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 36 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

12 / 260 20 over match

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	N. J. Hebbes	lbw b Robbins	18	(22)	1	-	1-37
2	M. T. Westmoreland	retired	31	(31)	3	-	-
3	D. Shorten	st Ainsworth b Timms	29	(21)	1	3	3-103
4	C. D. Roberts	b Smith	4	(8)	-	-	2-99
5	M. Bullock	c Robbins b Smith	8	(10)	2	-	5-111
6	D. Emerson	c Hill b Timms	4	(3)	-	-	4-107
7	M. K. Reeves	run out (Timms)	9	(13)	1	-	6-139
8	J. W. Pearson *	not out	14	(13)	2	-	-
9	T. P. W. Smith	not out	1	(2)	-	-	-
10	J. C. W. Hotson +
11	I. Howarth
	Extras	(NB3, W17, LB2)	22
	TOTAL	(for 6 wickets, 20 overs)	140

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Ainsworth	2	0	9	0
2	Eaglestone	2	0	17	0
3	Robbins	3	0	15	1
4	Siva	3	0	19	0
5	Khan	3	0	11	0
6	Dale	2	0	37	0
7	Timms	3	0	14	2
8	Smith	2	0	18	2
Note: R. A. Smith kept wicket for overs 1-15, L. G. Ainsworth thereafter

Team	Centrica XI
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. A. Smith +	c Roberts b Howarth	1		-	-	2-1
2	N. S. Hill	c and b Emerson	0		-	-	1-1
3	Y. Jeewooth	b Howarth	1		-	-	3-2
4	M. Cofie	c Westmoreland b Emerson	1		-	-	4-6
5	R. Robbins	b Shorten	31		3	1	6-68
6	G. J. Timms *	run out (Pearson/Hotson)	29		3	1	5-66
7	G. Siva	b Howarth	12		1	-	8-94
8	R. Dale	run out (Pearson)	1		-	-	7-68
9	L. G. Ainsworth +	b Reeves	14		2	-	9-103
10	R. Eaglestone	not out	1		-	-	-
11	A. Khan	run out (Bullock)	1		-	-	10-104
	Extras	(W10, B2)	12
	TOTAL	(all out, 19.3 overs)	104

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Emerson	4	0	15	2
2	Howarth	4	0	14	3
3	Smith	2	0	19	0
4	Roberts	2	0	15	0
5	Shorten	3	0	17	1
6	Pearson	3	0	9	0
7	Reeves	1	0	9	1
8	Bullock	0.3	0	2	0

MOTM: D. Shorten Champagne Moment: C. D. Robert’s catch to remove the dangerous R. Smith Buffet Award: T. P. W. Smith’s vegetarian lasagne with coleslaw (Tesco finest)

Opposition: V064 / 02 Ground: G019 / 09 Captain: C021 / 01