Far from the MCC fines 23.06.13 v Harwell CC (a) won by 3 wkts

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Dave E	Bowling avoidance
	Extreme pissing	Behind the bowler’s arm in full view of wives and kids	£0.50
	Retirement failure	“I’ll retire after this over, my side is knackered.” Dave is then out a few balls later.
	Opening partnership <25
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Continual note making on field	Instead of concentrating on the fucking match
	Spelling failure	“syko”… Jesus Christ, Dave – this is fucking terrible….
	Forlorn
	Excessive hydration
	Bewildered
	Losing the toss	The team have now won just 2 out of 15 this season….
			£3.25
Bob	Average protection
	Golden Duck avoidance	He has 3 in his last 4 knocks
	Failure to use a decent bat	Rahman used his “shit bat” and smacked the ball all over the place.
	Blaming bat for failure	See above
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Head in the clouds
	Whinging about electronics	[No idea what this is???]
	Mild hysteria
	Confusing kids
	Extreme passive aggression		£0.50
	Clock watching	As the 90 second fines ticked down….
	Drop		£0.50
			£3.75
Gary T	Stopwatch failure	“This fucking thing isn’t working!”
	Muttering to himself	About the above
	Extreme sportsmanship	Calling an LBW victim back to the wicket “he may have got a bat on that….”
	Clock watching x 2		£0.50
	Clock altering x 2	Shady goings on here….	£0.50
	Talking through fines
	Smug
	Pitch vandalism	When diving in the outfield he disappeared in a cloud of turf….
	Mild hysteria x 2		£0.50
	Impersonating Bob	Bowling back of a length
	Dissing Bob
	Swearing x 2		£0.50
	Heightist	Dissing Bob again (sigh)….
	Looking glum
			£4.50
Thorn	Allowing kids to abuse Giant Duck x 2	GD repeatedly beaten and dragged around the outfield….	£0.50
	Self entrapment
	Puiking before the match	After evening on the piss to celebrate being 40….
	Gloating about puiking
	Shouting “that’s better!!!”	As he finally middle a ball… straight to a fielder = OUT!
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Talking through fines	Does he ever shut up?
	Mild hysteria
			£2.50
Jake	Not paying attention	[Does he ever?]
	Doing photography during fines
	Mild hysteria
	Oblivious	To everything around him….
	Confusion
	Extreme talking during fines		£0.50
	Keeping avoidance
	Crap banking security	Pin number on phone
	Pub avoidance
	Looking sultry	Hahahaha!!!
			£2.75
	Dobner Clause		-£1.75
			£1.00
Psycho	Acting like a cat	Sat behind glass window watching the game (from the pavilion)
	Complaining about having to pad up	“…for no fucking reason!”
	Dissing Bob	For having to pad up
	Drunken grandeur	Pissed in town with Tanky on the Friday… and becoming rebellious
	Sneering x 2		£0.50
	Passive aggression	Folding of arms and looking like a… er… psycho!
	Dissing Tanky	“The guy is a fucking idiot when drunk.”
	Impersonating Michael Fish	[…?]
	Mild hysteria
	Fidgeting
	Calling Deputy Fines Chairman a “CUNT!”	Slanderous….	£1.00
			£3.75
Geoff	Talking through fines
	Impersonating a batsman
	Staring	At FC
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Bullying Jake	Keeping instead of Jake
	Fraternising with opposition	Working in Harwell
	Reminiscing
	Distracted	Not paying attention during fines
	Catch avoidance x 2	Off Spam and JMO.	£0.50
	Dissing Spam	“He never gets an edge!”
	Dissing JMO	See above
	Arguing	About the above
	Protesting	As above… [Just shut the fuck up, Geoff!!”
			£3.75
Ian H	Extreme urination	In full view of a public highway	£0.50
	Failure to learn	Caught at point again, reaching for a wide one….
	Spelling tragedy	“pyscho”
	Suggesting Thorn can actually bat
	Fines avoidance
	Whinging	About a tight hamstring
	Exposing Giant Duck to violent kids
	Moaning	About bodily functions
	Strongbow cob	“I’m not drinking this fucking shit – I want a cider that’s touched an apple. FFS!”
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Self entrapment
	Mild hysteria x 2		£0.50
	Dissing Jake	Regarding fines and his continual twittering through Thorn’s fines….
			£4.00
Mike R	Average protection	Again….
	Not running a six	He ran a five
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Mild hysteria x 2		£0.50
	Child abuse	[…?]
	Racism	[…?]
	Arguing	About the above two fines which I can’t fathom why they were levelled against him…?!
	Moaning	About his cycling
	Abuse	Of his hobby (cycling)
	Passive aggression	Arms folded with a stare
	Impersonating a cat	Sat behind glass window watching the game (from the pavilion)
	Opening bowler no wicket
	Boasting	About his average over a hundred
	Talking through fines
			£4.00
Rahman	Exempt	Failure to understand what the fuck we’re doing would make fining the poor soul seem rather cruel…. We’ll get him up to scratch, though – hehehe!
			£0.00
JMO	Buggered off without staying for fines	Paddy will sort him out on this!!!
			£0.00
		TOTAL	£30.50

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Looking Uber-Smug (overly arrogant and condescending)	£0.50
Extreme Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£0.50
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2