Far from the MCC fines 12.05.13 v Wootton & Bladon CC (a) lost by 30 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Moo	Extreme Negativity		£0.50
	Extreme Pessimism	There goes the summer	£0.50
	Extreme Presumption	Oh, my fines will be £2.50	£0.50
	Clock Watching	“Ooh, I can still make it home for tea….”
	Captaincy avoidance	Let's make it a T20 (Yes, I'm not captain)
	Suppressed Crying	More batting like turd
	Fines avoidance
			£2.50
Dave E	Batting Avoidance
	Extreme Hair Curling	Cultivating a fine mane
	Impersonating Vidal Sassoon	"Ooooh, this rain is ruining my strawberry blonde locks!!" Alright, ginger!
	Wetting duck	Leaving Duck exposed to the elements
	Pissing self	Just off the field of play
	Bemused	…it's Dave
	Harbouring
	Distained
	Causing humanitarian disaster	The flooding that swept away Woodstock during the game rendering several members of the Aristocracy to have to buy new socks at the ridiculously overpriced rate of £13.50 a pair or £34 for 3 pairs!!
	Jonah	If it's gonna rain let it piss down
	Clock Watching	Oh the shame!!
			£2.75
Salad	Confusion	Why am I being fined? You're next in line! Now bend over!
	Car parking avoidance
	Self Entrapment
	Comedy Fielding	And if I'd remembered all those injuries… Damn you memory!!!
	Show boating	First catch.. (I guess)
	Confusing Breasts with hands	Trying to grope fc's moobs instead of shaking hands…Oh it was for something else!
	Flirting with FC	Flirting will usually get you everywhere, but here it's just more fines
	Smug	FC will be mine oh yes! FC: Fack off!
	Repopulation of Earth avoidance	Failure to reproduce with FC (apparently) {We're not fucking frogs [ribbit, not hehaw hehaw]}
			£2.25
Psycho	Lacking Metronomicness	You really should just never play T20's Psycho ;)
	Threatening looks	Does he have any other look?
	Agreeing with Fines	Never agree/ disagree/ look aloof/ disdainful/ or have any form of reaction/ emotion or non -reaction/ non-emotion - we will hammer you for it… ;)
	Disdainful	Will you ever learn?
	Rejoicing in Team failure	Still reacting/ breathing I see…
	Dissing Reeves
	Ageism	Picking on Russ
	Age Avoidance	Not being as old as Russ
	Hysteria	There you go REACTING again!
	Nazism	So right wing!!
	Imbalanced	Not having enough left wing
			£2.75
Mike	Not wearing…	…enough layers?!? (guess) {probably starting to get hand cramp now} [another random fine which will be added to mine next week no doubt!]
	Arguing	Another one! (Mike you should know better)
	Up himself	Look at me avg 852 this season
	Avg Protection	Shocking! We only needed 36 runs off the final over
	Killing umpires
	Bullied by Duck
	Hysteria	Is this some sort of disease that was brought on by last weeks Sun?!?!
	Glaring	Are you a schizo!! How do you go from hysteria to glaring that quickly!
	Laps of the pitch	Round and round you went, where you will stop… Well at the pavilion (read gate)
	Impersonating Chris Hoy	Lappage
	Fitting up boss	A work thing?
	Threatening Spam	See fitting up boss
	Playing with himself
			£3.25
Spam	Golden Duck		£1.00
	Comedy Parking	Didn't see it, but with his eyesight (Jake Confusion {which got forgotten [DAMN IT!!!]} Spam: "Is this Jake?" We all wait with baited breathe… Until… A 6 foot wide bald gentleman of the Afro/Caribbean persuasion saunters into view. At which point we burst in to fits of laughter {which in hindsight could probably have been better timed}) I'm not surprised
	Breaking Camera
	Showering without shower	Stripping down to towel to find there were no showers
	Laps of Pitch	See Mike's fine
	Golden Shower	Still moaning about the lack of shower! (Bloody stupid anti Paedo contingiencies in schools these days!!) {Jeez they must absolutely STINK!!!} [or have they just stopped games and PE] (No wonder kids these days are so fucking obese) {Fat little fucks}
	Self Importance	Well it is Spam
	Entering from behind	The crease…
	Roman Sandal Avoidance
			£3.00
Paddy	Distraction	Easily done
	Victimisation of Spam Failure	Fucking piss poor job we did of it too! (Ahh just seen the failure bit)
	Wanting to Share golden shower	Any warmth would have been welcome.. In fact I'm still bloody cold now!!!
	Sock love	Yes I'm the moron that forgot socks and got stung for £14!
	Instigating collapse
	Self importance	"I'm not being fined for that" (Can't remember what that was)
	Opening bat <25	22… OOOH SOOO CLOSE!! I blame Grandad! ;)
	Not	Not next week!
	Like	Like next week!
	Hysteria	Managed to control myself this week!
			£2.50
Gonzo	Duck	Anatidaephobia	£0.50
	Escorting	No clue… Suppose I'll get hit with this next week (Damn it)
	Puddle fail	Failing to factor in the puddle effect on the ball whilst tracking it in the field
	Reversible hat
	TFC
	Self Entrapment	Announcing his TFC
	Aloof	Shame on you Gonz!
	Putting Self before team
	Sandra Avoidance
	Cob
	Umpiring failure	Plumb LBW shout from entire fielding side Gonz: "Sorry I was taking a photo!"
	Not Paying attention	Seriously!! HAHA!!! I remembered what the "Not" was for!!
	Impersonating David Bailey	Taking photo's whilst umpiring
	Fidgetting
	Extreme Chatting	Over the fines committee!! Double Shame on Gonz!!	£0.50
	Dobner Clause		-£3.25
			£1.00
Jake	Avg. Protection
	Batting out of character	battering the ball to all parts!
	Gary Sobers Failure	C'mon we only needed 6 "Fine Print Maximum's" off the final over
	Talking	What on earth were you and Gonzo thinking!!
	Making Excuses	Just coz you both have Dobners!! Oh the shame!!
	Drop		£0.50
	Distracting fines
	Dobner Clause		-£1.00
			£1.00
Russ	Comedy Fielding	Well at least it wasn't your twig and berries this time!
	Impersonating Homer Simpson	No idea where that came from!!
	Failure to see team home
	Dispondant
	Looking like a golfer	Far too trendy for Cricket!
	Weighing less than the mud that he was covered in at the end of the innings!
	Impersonating Gavaskar	37* not out in a 50 over match he opened up in
	Promoting youth
	Exposing Spam to the world
	Winter Fuel allowance	Is that on its way now… Summer has been and gone!
			£2.50
Gary	Captaincy Confusion
	Drop x 2		£1.00
	Reluctant Captain
	Confused	By captaincy
	Batting Avoidance
	Harbouring Hysteria
	Patronising OAP	Russ
	Exposing himself in the cold	Sorry to the cold not in the cold
	Trying to stop game	Just as Moo was getting going
	Lack of conviction	Not only did the game continue, but one of the umpires took the opportunity to say "Fuck this, I'm off to find some shelter!“
	Passing Buck	Blaming Moo
	Victory avoidance	How you made us lose that is beyond me!
	Streaking	See Exposing himself in the cold
	Breaking Victory Streak
			£4.25
		TOTAL	£27.75

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Looking Uber-Smug (overly arrogant and condescending)	£0.50
Extreme Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£0.50
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2