“Life’s a Gas”

Match: 13 / 286

Won by 2 Wkts

Team	Total
Centrica XI	103 - 5
D. Shorten 1 - 1, T. Smith 1 - 9
FFTMCC	107 - 8
M. Reeves 32*, T. Smith 10*

On a warm and sunny evening at one of Oxford’s more scenic grounds, Centrica XI unsurprisingly consisted of eleven players employed by energy behemoth, Centrica – a demerged offshoot of the even bigger energy giant, British Gas. The Far from the MCC’s team also consisted of employees from Centrica, albeit ones that no longer wish to be associated with a cricket team bearing that brand, (G. Timms, J. Pearson and D. Emerson). In saying this, Centrica players R. Smith, A. Ward, N. Hill, R. Eaglestone and L. Ainsworth have all, at one time or another guested for The Mad. Was it to their liking? Maybe, maybe not. Mr. Ward and Mr. Hill seem to have bitten the bug, whilst Smith, Ainsworth and Eaglestone see their future’s elsewhere. In the cases of Ainsworth and Eaglestone, we can perhaps be happier with their decisions as their names are far too long to keep writing in our scorebook (or to keep mentioning in this match report).

But are all the above work-related blatherings relevant to the match itself? Well, maybe….

Jesus College: well scenic, innit.

Winning the toss, Non-MAD Centricite and Centrica Skipper, R. Smith, had little hesitation on batting first on a typically true and hard Jesus College track. In fact, he could hardly wait to have a crack on it – dashing off the pitch to disappear amongst the plane crash of assorted kitbags strewn around the outfield, and emerging seconds later, padded up and slathering at the mouth. Perhaps mindful of Ralph’s tragedy at this same ground last year (he registered a duck incidentally), Pro-MAD Centricite and MAD T20 Skipper, Mr. Timms, positioned the tree-sized C. Roberts at short mid-off (where Ralph was caught incidentally). Handing the ball to Mr. Shorten, Dave was told to bowl that “nagging length outside off”. This he didn’t, choosing to loop a woeful slow full toss that needing spanking into the centre of Oxford. To Ralph’s dismay – and perhaps everyone else’s bemusement, the ball sailed straight into the hands of Tall Bob (once more) – stood exactly where we was last year, and R. Smith was gone for the exactly same score as last year. Therein lies the advantage of being familiar with your opponents: knowing their strengths and weaknesses.

The Centrica innings, stifled in its infancy by accurate bowling from Shorten (2-1-1-1), Emerson (2-2-0-0) and Roberts (2-0-9-0) was anchored by Pro-MAD Centricite, A. Ward. He would gobble up the dots much like Pacman, only stopping for a leisurely and gentrified chat between overs (as he repeatedly stole the strike). Wickets continued to tumble at the other end however, as his team mates, perhaps mindful of the necessity to actually score some runs, had a heave and got out. T. Smith (2-0-9-1), G. Timms (3-1-20-1) and I. Leggate (2-0-19-1) all benefitting from poor shot selection. As batsman came to and from the pavilion, it was amusing to see them serenaded by anyone who could play a guitar (another of Mr. Leggate’s props). We were treated to ‘Sweet Child of Mine’ (Guns n’ Roses), ‘Mr. Tambourine Man’ (The Byrds), ‘Mrs. Robinson’ (Simon & Garfunkel) and an opus of other less famous hits (or ones played that badly as to be unrecognisable) that this scribe can’t quite remember….

Jan (non-playing, non-Centricite) tries out some Dutch gabba chords….

Gentlemen – if we really do want to draw women to this sport we love, then surely little sideshows like this can only help? Just tell them [these imaginary beautiful women that exist in our minds] it’s a band do, and that there’ll be a bunch of guys dressed in white, pulling shapes to the music, occasionally whooping and hollering and asking the audience (these women) ‘How is that?’

Back to the cricket – and it was left to the usual pairing of Reeves and Mortimer (Howarth) to wrap things up. Reeves (3-0-11-1) playing the straight role with Mortimer (4-0-24-0) the comedian. After complaining of chronic fatigue after just 2 overs, Mortimer extended his spell (and the Centrica innings) with a succession of ‘tired’ wides. “Excellent work at the gym, Mortimer! Ho ho ho!” The Energy Boys topped out at a reasonable 103-5, with Mr. Ward’s studious contribution – a retired 32 not out. (Kinda-MAD-but-Not-so-MAD Centricite, L. Ainsworth, did not bat).

This is the point in the game where it all becomes rather difficult to explain / reason or quantify to a seasoned League cricketer. But bear with me and I will try my best….

Phil Evans is a name in League cricket. He plies his trade with Oxford CC (or so I’m informed). Lee Ainsworth is somebody involved in League cricket – capable and a darned good moan. After their shared opening burst of 3 overs, The MAD scoreboard read 10-4. Evans, in particular, devastating off his reduced pace. Our Chairman, Mr. Bullock, survived this mini-onslaught – and for that, he is forever grateful. So too were all The MAD batsmen sat on the steps of the pavilion (including Reeves and Mortimer).

Matt – perhaps expecting his stumps to be splayed, doesn’t notice he has made contact….

Here now lies the ethos of ‘friendly’ cricket (a hitherto alien concept in League circles), that in order for a match to be considered a success, everyone should get the chance to play a part in it – however small. It is the juggling of these responsibilities whilst obviously trying to win the darned thing that can make Captaincy such a nightmare. Here, if Mr. Evans continued to bowl, it was not entirely unlikely that The MAD innings would unravel and capitulate in the next few overs. Game over. Done, dusted, fucking thrashed; with a bunch of Centricites twiddling their thumbs in the outfield and a bunch of MAD Ducks sat back in the hutch. Mr. Smith was acutely aware of this, and thus opted to bring on the lesser bowlers making up the numbers (pie). The MAD total would now see an upsurge of runs with a trickle of wickets (Bullock 9, Leggate 1, Timms 1, Shorten 8 and Emerson 6). So no real problems as yet? (correct). 53-8 off 12 overs. The MAD would now require a further 51 runs for victory off 8 overs. But you’ve still got a few guys in your team who’ve sacrificed their evening and not had much to do – give them a bowl too? (correct) But when to take them off…? (hmmm)

Extremely rare footage of a Leggate forward defensive.

Nobody could quite have envisaged the seventeenth over going for 20 runs, but that is exactly what happened when Ralph through the ball to poor Nick Hill: slap, wide, biff, slap, wide, wide, slap, biff, wide, dot. In the space of one over The MAD now stood 3 runs away from victory with 3 overs left. The game had changed in the blink of an eye. Reeves (32*) dutifully retired from the action allowing Howarth (batting at #11) to face the next over. Would Phil Evans return to bowl? Surely now??? He didn’t – Mr. Evans was happy keeping for the final few balls it took for Howarth to watch a couple of wides sail by and T. Smith (10*) to bash the winning runs.

So… the Far from the MCC won out by 8 wickets – but in a most friendly way. It’s hardly worth dwelling on any missed opportunities – for as Mr. Bolan would say “Life’s a Gas….”

‘M. Bolan’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Centrica XI Played at Jesus College, 31 May 2013 Centrica XI won the toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 2 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none

13 / 286 20 over match

Team	Centrica XI
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. A. Smith *+	c Roberts b Shorten	0		-	-	1-1
2	A. Ward	retired	32		5	-	-
3	R. Rancreepaul	b Smith	0		-	-	2-10
4	N. Hill	c Timms b Leggate	7		1	-	3-32
5	R. Eaglestone	c Smith b Timms	5		1	-	4-44
6	R. Robins	c Bullock b Reeves	13		2	-	5-82
7	R. Dale	not out	16		-	-	-
8	R. Giannotti	not out	4		-	-	-
9	Y. Jeewooth
10	L. Ainsworth
11	P. Evans +
	Extras	(NB3, W12, LB6, B5)	26
	TOTAL	(for 5 wickets, 20 overs)	103

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Shorten	2	1	1	1
2	Emerson	2	2	0	0
3	Roberts	2	0	9	0
4	Smith	2	0	9	1
5	Timms	3	1	20	1
6	Leggate	2	0	19	1
7	Howarth	4	0	24	0
8	Reeves	3	0	11	1
Note: R. Smith kept wicket for overs 1-11, P. Evans for overs 12-20

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	J. W. Pearson	b Evans	6	(7)	1	-	1-7
2	G. Carter	b Ainsworth	0	(3)	-	-	3-7
3	C. D. Roberts	c Rancreepaul b Evans	0	(1)	-	-	2-7
4	M. Bullock +	b Smith	9	(33)	1	-	8-53
5	I. C. Leggate	c Dale b Ainsworth	1	(3)	-	-	4-10
6	G. J. Timms *	c Ward b Robins	1	(11)	-	-	5-26
7	D. Shorten	b Giannotti	8	(11)	1	-	6-40
8	D. Emerson	c Robins b Giannotti	6	(5)	1	-	7-52
9	T. P. W. Smith	not out	10	(10)	1	-	-
10	M. K. Reeves	retired	32	(24)	3	2	-
11	I. Howarth	not out	0	(1)	-	-	-
	Extras	(NB4, W24, LB4, B2)	34
	TOTAL	(for 8 wickets, 17.3 overs)	107

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Ainsworth	4	0	20	2
2	Evans	1	1	0	2
3	Robins	2.2	0	11	1
4	Jeeworth	1	0	13	0
5	Giannotti	4	0	19	2
6	Dale	2	0	12	0
7	Smith	2	1	8	1
8	Hill	1	0	20	0
Note: M. K. Reeves retired on 101-8

MOTM: M. K. Reeves Champagne Moment: G. J. Timms’ one-handed catch in the covers Buffet Award: I. C. Leggate’s famed spicy Hawaiian omelette (with Tabasco sauce)

Opposition: V064 / 03 Ground: G019 / 14 Captain: C022 / 04