Far from the MCC fines 05.05.13 v Nomads CC (a) won by 5 wkts

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Matt	Hypochondria
	Ill
	Forcing Geoff to Change
	Taking catch	Proper Cricket!!
	TVR Avoidance/ Failure	Did it breakdown on the way to the pub? Hence…
	Pub Avoidance	The SHAME!!!
	Talking through fines	It's about time we got Matt for a goodly fine!
	Smug	"This is a one off, I'll be angelic again next week!"
	Arrogance
	Drop		£0.50
	Duck		£0.50
	Clock Watching	The despair was setting in..
			£3.50
Bob	TFC	As it turns out... From a fantasy point of view, I think he's delighted! Pissed on my bonfire! ;)
	Self Entrapment
	Hiding in the sun	A nice variation on "Head in the clouds"
	First over failure	Can we send Bob to bowl 6 balls in the nets next week?
	Failure to pad up	Utter contempt for the opposition
	Misplaced confidence	You have played for us before haven't you Bob?
	Cursing FC	Another fines Angel getting a pasting!! :D
	Harassment failure	Trying to bully FC when in full swing never pays off
	Frown	See harassment failure
			£2.25
Psycho	Grinning	Anticipation of the battering to come
	Hogging the field	3 Catches!!!
	Smug	see hogging the field..
	Self Entrapment	see smug
	Hysterical Cob	The 1st of many to become affected by the sun in this manner on this fine evening
	Smug	Oops! I was already borderline at this point…
	Flirting with FC	Flirting will usually get you everywhere, but here it's just more fines
	FC can't add up	A bonus 25p for the club! ;)
			£2.00
Paddy	Showering with Spam	We were bonding….
	Shorts	Were they the blue with luminescent green flowers or the luminous pink with luminous green flowers.. I don't recall
	Looking like a….	Cricketer or was it Twat?
	Requesting Water	My mouth was drier than a nun's nasty….
	Continuing collapse	Having seen off the opener (nearly) I felt my work was done ;)
	Dissing Mike	To improve my fantasy teams performance against Bob's
	Fantasy Fixation	I was completely and utterly in fantasy dreamland... 668 pts!! ;)
	Uber Smug	See fantasy fixation… Was worth every penny ‘til I saw Bob's score! :(	£0.50
	Self Entrapment	See Uber smug
	Uber Hysterical Cob	See photo's on Facebook	£0.50
	Extreme Crying	Living up to my reputation of coming to pieces under the scrutiny of fines	£1.00
	Can't add up	What a twat!
			£4.25
Gonzo	Hypochondria	Still moaning about his calf
	Impersonating a scarecrow	It's Gonzo
	Smug	About being the only living Scarecrow in Wanborough
	TFC
	Duck		£0.50
	Self entrapment
	Mild Hysteria	Must have been a hangover from my complete meltdown
	Samson Effect	Haircut
	Harbouring conceit
	Predatory	"See how the Gonzo's eyes narrow as he spots his prey"
	Green Whites	Yes green whites
	Seriously WTF happened to adding up!!!		£0.50
	Dobner Clause		-£2.50
			£1.00
Dave	Over	Nope… No idea what that means!
	Breast Fixation	Are they symetrical? **Grope** Does my moob look big in this? **Grope**
	Hysterical Cob	Yes we were all in hysterics… Everyone completely fell apart.. Was it the presence of Sun?!?!?	£0.50
	Excessive Lubrication	see breast fixation
	Masking alcoholic glow	in sun burn
	Making us look good	3-9!! :O
	Lack of faith	in rest of team
	Economy obsession	That Osborne has a lot to answer for!! (Is that the right economy?)
	Self Importance
			£2.50
Salad	Uber delay of fines	Something about being unable to find the bar	£1.00
	Aloof	Meh! I got here didn't I
	FBI Impersonation	Looking like Clarice Starling..
	Offices Shirt	Wearing paraphernalia from hated rivals
	Bowling crap for wickets	"None of my good balls took wickets"
	Drinking from a vase	Peroni glass
	Harbouring dark thoughts	we're beginning to get to him… Come on… Cob, cob, cob
	Even Tan Avoidance	Must of looked like you'd been vajazzelled
	Confusion	I went to a salon for this tan
			£3.00
Mike	Drop * 2		£1.00
	Uber delay of fines	see salad	£1.00
	Jug avoidance	48*
	Getting lost from ground to pub	Did you ask one of the troglodyte locals for directions?
	Frown	I'll take that as a yes then
	Confusion	Definitely asked for directions.. Reverse everything you are told!
	Not paying attention whilst umpiring	Did you fall asleep watching me bat?
	Hysteria	We're dropping like flies to this!!
	Queue confusion	If I leave the queue 8 times I have to go to the back each time
	Bicycle avoidance
	Excessive bat destruction	3!!! 3!!! 3 bats in an innings! We should have given you the mongoose!!
	Tutting	Shame on you!
	Corruption	I'll write an IOU
	Arguing	this is free as it seems I miscounted again!! ;)
			£4.75
Spam	Showering with Paddy	Seriously it was an important reflective moment between opener and no. 3 batsman!
	Look	No idea
	Hysterical cob	another one bites the dust	£0.50
	Impersonating David Bailey	Do you actual see the game through your own eyes rather than through the camera lens?
	Initiating collapse
	Shaving neck	Trying to convert self into proper red neck trailer trash!
	Not saving Freddie Mercury	AIDS, less helpful than the name implies
	Aloofness
	Impersonating treasurer	Surely we can't be done with Spam so soon!!!!
			£2.50
Geoff	Avg. Protection	18* pivotal role in bringing the team home
	Pub avoidance	Were you in the TVR?
	Not getting ….	Geoff/George
	Laughing at fines	The HORROR!!! How is this not a hysterical cob?!?!?
	Organising Pub crawl	I have no words/ clue!
	Pub avoidance	It seems I had completely lost the plot at this point!!
	Witnessing collapse	The pillar that stood whilst all else fell around
	Bullying a child	Young bowler felt George's wrath
	Impersonating Jimmy Saville	Were you collecting for charity?
	Wasting time	Slow batting? I can't comment on this…
			£2.50
Moo	Duck	In the immortal words of Richie Benaud "WHAD A CATCH, WADDA CATCH!!!"	£0.50
	Opening bat <25	0
	Bemoaning luck	"I'm a bowler these days"
	TFC	"I won the toss"
	Self importance	"That was the key to Victory"… in fairness it probably was!
	Bullying own child	I was too busy batting..
	Doom Monger	Too busy taking notes/ dealing with hand cramp
	Intimidation	of Fines committee
	Uber harbouring dark thoughts		£0.50
	FBI Impersonation	J. Edgar Hoover?
	Not paying attention to fines
	Making Lists	"Never bat/ bowl/ pick Dave again"
	Indecisive	"Or should I?"
			£3.75
		TOTAL	£32.00

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Looking Uber-Smug (overly arrogant and condescending)	£0.50
Extreme Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£0.50
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2