Far from the MCC fines 08.09.13 v Isis CC (h) won by 2 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Dave E	Sleeping	During the Mad innings
	Wrong pub	Before match
	Starting a café	Drinking coffee outside the pavilion
	Damaging stumps	Bowling people out
	Damaging nursery
	Laughing	Like an idiot
	Being random
	Being a Wally	He now lives in Wallingford (again)
	Lone-wolf bowling	On his own (warming up)
	Cob x 2		£0.50
	Dissing Jake
	Acting out of character	Being sober(ish)
	Chiselled look
	Dishevelled look
	Talking through fines x 2		£0.50
	Uber smug		£0.50
	Arrogance
			£5.00
Thorn	Wrong pub	Before match
	Duck		£0.50
	Comedy fielding x 2		£0.50
	Smoking on the pitch		£0.50
	Hysteria
	Smug
	Dissed by opposition	“Is he actually playing?” [whilst Thorn fielded on the boundary]
	Poor football skills	Booting ball away from stumps
	Game confusion	This is cricket, not football (see above)
	Deceiving team at end of match	Everyone thought he’s lost the match, but he claims he saw the hit wicket offence before booting the ball over the boundary.
	Hogging the boundary
	Eating egg on the pitch
	TFC
			£4.00
Psycho	Defensive batting	At end of innings
	Duck		£0.50
	Groping Duck	Mascot abuse
	Battering Dave
	Whining
	Being unlucky	Again
	Being a cripple	His knees are fucked, his back is sore etc etc
	Acting out of character	Taking a wicket (having some luck)
	Wrong pub	Before game
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Uber staring
	Hysteria x 3		£0.75
	Uber GAY	Acting like one	£0.50
	Being Norman	[Bates]
	Owning a motel	Bates Motel [Psycho]
	Not owning a hotel	(see above)
	Having no upgrade at his motel
			£5.50
Darley	Avg. protection
	Advising Russ	To go aerial, and Russ is then caught out
	Thinking Wantage is Wallingford
	Wrong pub	Before game
	Wrong attire	Wearing OUCC kit
	Turning up	He never plays these days
	Staring
	Dissing Spam
	Littering
	Reminiscing	About OUCC days
	Comedy appeal	“Howww… howww… howww… is that?” [like WTF???]
	Impersonating Boony	(see above)
	Being an Red Indian	(see above)
	Comedy dive	To a ball which rolled towards him
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Hysteria
	Crap jokes x 3		£0.75
			£5.00
Ian H	Amateur dramatics	Going through the emotions at the end of the match
	Shit last ball
	No chocolate	For teas
	No pickles	For teas
	Swearing at the elderly
	100 partnership avoidance	(with Geoff)
	Wrong kit	Wearing a ‘Scotch’ top
	Hogging the runs	Two fifths of those scored
	Broken pen during fines x 2		£0.50
	Wearing shorts	For winter
	Not wearing flip flops	Whilst batting
	Looking like a student	Tying hoody around neck
	Impersonating Burt Bacharach
	Hysteria x 2		£0.50
	Ton avoidance	Only 60
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Self entrapment
			£5.00
Timms	Opening bowler no wicket		£0.50
	Depressed	(see above)
	Marital depression	(see above)
	Wrong pub	Before game
	Pub confusion
	Smug x 3		£0.75
	Looking vacant
	Impersonating Moo	Beard
	Listless
	Uber-staring		£0.50
	Failure to bowl team home	Taken out of the attack
	Excessive blinking
	Hysteria
	Rehydration	Continually drinking through fines
	Hesitation
	Talking through fines
			£5.00
Geoff	Being shit	Behind the stumps
	Holy gloves
	No religion
	Hysteria x 3		£0.75
	Sniggering like a child
	No caffeine
	Uber stare		£0.50
	Wittering to himself
	Confused
	Allowing groundsman to water a soaking pitch	He plays for Cassington for FS!
	Organising a ground with no bar	Shameless!
	Uber smug		£0.50
			£4.00
Russ	Catch avoidance
	Impersonating Dan [Edwards]	48 balls for 7 runs
	50 balls avoidance
	Poor running	Trying to run Spam out
	Comedy fielding x 3		£0.75
	Annoying Spam	With his running and calling
	Taking shit advice	Off Darley [“Hit the ball in the air!”]
	Leaving food	Not demolishing everything left on the table at the tea interval
	Failure to introduce wife
	Hysteria x 3		£0.75
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Uber dogging	He had a dog
	Talking shit
	Dissing Darley	About his advice
	Stealing teams kit	He was dumped with the kit bag
	Wrong pub	Before game
			£5.25
Bob	Average protection
	Comedy fielding	On boundary
	Bowling a no ball bouncer
	Shit wicket	The guy hit a crap ball to Russ
	Delirious
	Cleaning the pub ceiling	His head kept rubbing against the low beams of the pub!
	Pensive
	Being redder than Dave E
	Uber Gay pose	Resting his head on his hand	£0.50
	Praying
	Being ‘Bouncy Bob’
	Forlorn
	Staring at Dave
	Smug x 3		£0.75
	Uber fidgeting		£0.50
	Showing off	He came to the right pub
			£5.00
Jake	Being on time	LWTF???
	Right pub	LWTF???
	Comedy fielding x 3		£0.75
	Comedy flares	On his whites
	Living in the 70s	(see above)
	Batting out of character	Aggressive, and smacking a boundary
	Tossing the Salad	He didn’t need to pick Salad up before the game
	Impersonating David Bailey	With his camera
	Smug
	Impersonating Neil Morrisey
	Impersonating Neil Planer
	Wistful
	Dobner clause		-£2.50
			£1.00
Moo	Quitting whilst ahead	Winning last game in charge
	Lost toss		£0.50
	Opening partnership <25		£0.50
	Drop		£0.50
	Comedy fielding
	Hysteria x 3		£0.75
	Not being LBW to Timms
	Resigning	As Skipper
	Dissing Mel
	Ignoring his kids (Joe and Dan)	Whilst they stood on the boundary waiting for him	£0.50
	Snorting
	Dumping kit bag on Russ
	Clock watching x 2		£0.50
	Excessive non-celebration
	Uber smug		£0.50
	Dissing the team	By resigning
			£6.00
		TOTAL	£50.75

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership <25 Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Uber [anything] – particularly arrogant, smug or condescending	£0.50
Extreme [anything] – particularly Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£1.00
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2