“MAD find Cricket

Away from F______ T______”

Match: 14 / 339

Lost by 26 runs

Team	Total
Wroxeter Grove CC	154 - 8
I. Howarth 2 - 7, R. Turner 2 - 9
FFTMCC	128 - 7
M. Reeves 41

With Hurricane Bertha expected to make landfall on Saturday evening and with Thursday’s game already lost due to a lack of oppositional numbers, Friday was expected to provide the only cricket on Tour (to Shrewsbury and fucking Telford). It did as it transpired, with the weather kind enough to allow the conclusion of said game – in near darkness, but concluded nonetheless, with everyone afforded a bowl bar the keepers.

The cricket ground of Shirehall should have been but a wino’s piss from the original Tour accommodation of the Lord Hill hotel, but thanks to a flower festival and their complete indifference to a confirmed booking, the Far from the MCC found themselves staying some 26 miles away off the M6 among the delightful charms of f______ T______. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with f______ T______, as long as you are attracted to soulless, meretricious hell-holes with endless business estates and open-ended car parks. But as far as a Mad cricket Tour goes….

Not f______ T______.

After decamping from a mini-bus at the home of Wroxeter Grove CC, a healthy pub crawl around the historic market town of Shrewsbury helped alleviate the gloom and put the Tourists in much better fettle. Christ, players were even laughing and smiling now, a million miles away from the Holiday Inn and… f______ T______. Amazing what a few pints of beer can do to raise ones spirits. And, if it hasn’t been mentioned already, being any distance away from… ahem, f______ T______.

Echoes of Thursday sullied the atmosphere on return to Shirehall, as a prompt 6pm start looked improbable due to the opposition’s head count totalling two. Would this game even take place? The bar was open, so that was good, thus enabling the few players in the team not already inebriated to join those that were. Of course those that were already inebriated would swiftly become plastered.

Nothing but respect for the Shirehall ground.

Finally, with WGCC cricketers opting to show up rather than head to the pubs, Captain Dobner bizarrely won the toss and even more bizarrely opted to bat second [in what was sure to be near darkness]. Hath no worries, for The MAD would be introduced to the beguiling and vivid splendours of the pink cricket ball. “They’re amazing” chirped up a Wroxeterite, “you can see these balls with your eyes closed, they’re that bloody good.”

It is fair to say that some of the hosts’ cricketers saw the ball incredibly well, whilst others required a bell inside it. Those of blind disposition included openers Dodgson (4) and Jones (0) – both snaffled behind by Westmoreland off the pissed bowling of Howarth (2-0-7-2). Shaw (37 retired) and Haylett (46) most definitely saw it, with Reeves (2-0-25-0) and Carter (2-0-30-0) the unfortunate recipients of some mighty big tonking. One of Carter’s deliveries got smacked so hard and high; a taxi was commandeered to retrieve it from nearby f______ T______.

Wroxeter struggle with JMO’s camera and manage to cut most of The MAD team out….

Mr. Bullock (2-0-14-2) brought a modicum of sanity to proceedings (sort of) by introducing the unsuspecting WG batsmen to the ways of ‘aerial pie’. Such was their befuddlement with Matt’s bombardment, he found himself on the most unlikely of hat-tricks, with J. Green (golden) obliging by running himself out. Mr. Timms (2-0-17-0) didn’t find himself on a hat-trick, but he did bowl.

Into the championship rounds and the WGCC total topped out on 154-8, with W. Marner (40*) treating the locals to some lusty thrashing into a nearby council estate. Copping some of the artillery came Smith (2-0-18-0), Dobner (2-0-9-0), Hotson (2-0-14-1) and Turner (2-0-9-2), with the latter two causing jaws to hit the floor by incrementing their wicket columns. Turner would also find himself on an unlikely hat-trick, with a record four (FOUR) Wroxeter batsmen scooping golden ducks. He failed naturally. As had Bullock before him (just).

A reasonably fast turnaround allowed Reeves and Bullock (10) to give The MAD run-chase a healthy start, with their 46 run partnership coming up at the expense of just 6 overs. Rundle (1) was crap, before Captain Dobner (14) hoisted one into the trees and another into a pair of hands. Reeves’ (41 off 36 balls) cavalier knock ended soon after with shadows lengthening and daylight fading. (92-4 off 11 ovs).

Skipper Dobner brings the team home… in the dark.

Time for the slog and time for Timms to elevate himself into the pantheons of Golden greatness (caught first ball) – ha ha ha. Mr. Carter added a valiant 7, whilst Hotson added a valiant 4. Not so valiant, but nonetheless resolute, came not outs from Smith (7* off 28 balls) and Turner (6* off 5 balls). This all left the FFTMCC total marooned on 128-7, with Howarth and Westmoreland stood on the sidelines with their pads on having contributed not a jot. Sorry, guys – you can keep your 9,000 MAD runs in your locker, we’ve got this.

Martin (right) wears fancy dress for the evening.

As sunset finally faded into darkness with players combining in one melee around the bar, Team MAD reflected on actually playing some cricket. It was fun. Maybe – just maybe – we could factor this sport into next year’s Tour?

Maybe.

Maybe we will.

But nowhere near f______ T______.

That, most certainly, is for sure.

’Spam’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Wroxeter Grove CC Played at Shirehall (Shrewsbury), 8 August 2014 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field Wroxeter Grove CC won by 26 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

14 / 339 20 over match

Team	Wroxeter Grove CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	N. Dodgson	c Westmoreland b Howarth	4	(7)	-	-	2-4
2	D. Jones	c Westmoreland b Howarth	0	(1)	-	-	1-3
3	J. Shaw	retired hurt	37	(27)	4	2	-
4	C. Haylett	c Reeves b Bullock	46	(21)	8	2	3-73
5	M. Smart	c Smith b Bullock	0	(1)	-	-	4-73
6	J. Green	run out (Carter/Westmoreland)	0	(1)	-	-	5-73
7	W. Marner	not out	40	(33)	4	2	-
8	D. Shaw	b Hotson	3	(9)	-	-	6-112
9	H. Dawson	c Reeves b Turner	15	(10)	-	2	7-131
10	J. Brown +	b Turner	0	(1)	-	-	8-131
11	N. Benwell *	not out	0	(5)	-	-	-
	Extras	(W5, B4)	9
	TOTAL	(for 8 wickets, 20 overs)	154

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Howarth	2	0	7	2
2	Rundle	2	0	7	0
3	Reeves	2	0	25	0
4	Carter	2	0	30	0
5	Bullock	2	0	14	2
6	Timms	2	0	17	0
7	Smith	2	0	18	0
8	Hotson	2	0	14	1
9	Turner	2	0	9	2
10	Dobner	2	0	9	0

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	M. K. Reeves	c Smart b Benwell	41	(36)	5	2	4-92
2	M. Bullock	st Brown b Smart	10	(17)	2	-	1-46
3	M. S. Rundle	b Smart	1	(7)	-	-	2-59
4	S. L. P. Dobner *	c Smart b Benwell	12	(8)	1	1	3-86
5	G. J. Timms	c Smart b Marner	0	(1)	-	-	5-92
6	T. P. W. Smith	not out	7	(28)	-	-	-
7	G. Carter	b J. Shaw	7	(8)	1	-	6-100
8	J. C. W. Hotson	b Dawson	4	(12)	-	-	7-118
9	R. P. Turner	not out	6	(5)	-	-	-
10	M. T. Westmoreland +
11	I. Howarth
	Extras	(NB6, W21, LB1, B12)	40
	TOTAL	(for 7 wickets, 20 overs)	128

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	D. Shaw	2	1	17	0
2	Jones	2	0	17	0
3	Green	2	0	10	0
4	Smart	2	0	18	2
5	Benwell	2	0	14	2
6	Mamer	2	0	10	1
7	Dawson	2	0	11	1
8	J. Shaw	2	0	4	1
9	Haylett	2	0	7	0
10	Dodgson	2	0	7	0

MOTM: M. K. Reeves Champagne Moment: S. L. P. Dobner’s towering six into the trees (long on) Buffet Award: G. Carter’s age-old ale pie (with chips and vegetables)

Opposition: V080 / 01 Ground: G072 / 01 Captain: C008 / 15