“Blewburied”

Match: 14 / 328

Lost by 15 runs

Team	Total
Blewbury & Upton CC	143 - 4
D. Shorten 1 - 5
FFTMCC	128 - 9
D. Shorten 38, P. Mellor 20

Comebacks are always a risk. As this is typed, Flintoff has been named in the Lancashire T20 squad for tonight’s game and it seems that he’s got more to lose than he can possibly gain, much as we generally admired the most spannered sportsman ever to appear in front of the Prime Minister.

Thus it was that James Hoskins followed the footsteps of Mike Brearley, Bobbie Simpson and Captain James T. Kirk in reprising the skippering role he had relinquished in the dark ages (pre-Facebook). Known for backing hunches and strong views on running, how would the comeback fare?

His first move was to align himself with more contemporary FTTMC skippers and toss like a clown, meaning the FFTMCC took the field. Rundle and Webster were co-opted as the opening pair, an intriguing plan, which looked slightly less intriguing after two overs (25-0). The next two overs were marginally more sedate and so began a fluctuating innings in which it was impossible to guess the final score from one over to the next.

(Midge the dog) Fuck the cricket – off for some blood sport!

Blewbury had clearly come to chew gum and kick ass, only the ass-kicking and gum-chewing skills hadn’t been fairly apportioned, with some far better at one than the other. This reporter, using his own personal stat predictions firstly suggested 250 for 0 after two overs. After 8 overs it had come down to 100-all out as first Rundle (4-0-23-1), bowling Fraser (12), opened the door, and then Shorten (2-0-5-1), bowling Shearer (2), brought the opening salvoes to a crashing halt. The FFTMCC cause was also helped by the first enforced retirement (at 30) of the game.

Another recalibration after 10 overs suggested that Blewbury could actually hit 300 as first Hoskins and then Mellor (2-0-25-0) were savaged by a psychotic batsman named (John) Barrett, who had clearly run out of gum. He hit 35 off around 10 balls. The careful observer could have anticipated his intent by the fact he started to advance down the wicket while the unlucky bowlers were still walking back to their marks.

Shuffling through his bowling pack, Hoskins brought back some semblance of normality as Webster (4-0-19-0) and the rarely used Carter trundled a few down. Geoff Carter (4-0-25-1), never seen in the same place as his exuberant batting brother George, introduced a new family member – the bowling Gerald (imagine the Hanson brothers – the ‘crystal meth years’) who snaffled the first Carter wicket for FFTMC, a mere ten seasons after debut. As if in slow motion Russ Turner ran forward a few steps at cover before flinging / falling over himself and clutching the ball. Actually, scrub the ‘as if’. It actually happened in slow motion.

The last few overs were – just as they should be – a blur of ludicrous running and flailing, interspersed by the pairing of Hoskins (4-0-39-1) and Hotson who combined for a well-deserved stumping.

A final total then of 143-4, which could have been much, much more or even much, much less, seemed a fair enough target.

18 off the first three overs was a healthy start before Mike Reeves (3) was run out. Normally we can moan about run outs – shit calling, poor running etc – but in this case it was perfectly good cricket. Shorten played the ball out to square leg, called and Mike set off quickly, a quick throw left the keeper a little to do, but he was quick enough to have Mike out by a foot. More often than not it would have been a run, and a 7 runs-an-over target requires some hustle.

For some reason when this reporter plays with Dave Shorten he always seems to pop up at the end of an innings, belt a couple of fours and end up on 9 not out. This time round it was a treat to see him attack from the off, get on top of the bowling and hammer it round the park. Sixes over wide long on and over midwicket, plus another 5 boundaries, saw him retire at 38* off just 21 balls and the score at 53-1.

D. Shorten (right) retires after a super opening onslaught.

Moo always looked positive, but for the first few overs was content to push the ball around and give Shorten the strike; again, good cricket. With Russ Turner, he added another 28 runs, including a 5 (including overthrows, and still managing to keep the strike afterwards) before skying Blewbury’s Fraser to cover for 20.

81-2 off 10.2 overs was a cracking start, but the turning point had probably just arrived. The aforementioned Fraser gently rolled up flighted offbreaks from the top end. Whether they turned or not is a moot point, but they had the merit of being straight, just short of driving range and bouncing a little. His spell of 3-1-5-3 (bowling Turner for 17 (85-2) and Jake Hotson for a first-baller (85-4)) is worth mentioning. It was good bowling, difficult to get away, and as mentioned before you need to keep scoring in these games so the batsman had to try and get it away. Suddenly the run rate was approaching 8 and the game had turned back in favour of the away team.

Paddy Mellor and Matt Reading gamely rebuilt the innings with a partnership of 20, Reading pushing the singles and Mellor mixing some powerful pulls with some equally robust misses, before Matt (6) was stumped off Lear.

M. Reading (batting) finally shows he isn’t totally cursed.

Rundle joined Mellor and they added another dozen or so runs, but not quite quickly enough to bring the run rate down. The boundaries had dried up, and while both batsmen were gamely running hard the required rate was increasing.

Finally Paddy was bowled going for a boundary to add to the two he had hit earlier. His hard fought 20 had just about kept us in the game, but the target was now 26 off 8 balls. Geoff left Gerald and George in the pavilion and headed out for a swing. The right choice given the circumstances, but the wrong outcome as his first ball bowled him.

For the second time in the game a bowler was on a hat-trick. Webster wandered out deciding that sixes back over the sightscreen were the way to go. Where it actually went was about ten feet in the air off a thick edge to gully. The fielder promptly reacted as if he’d been tossed a piece of dogshit and grounded it. If Webster had balanced the ball on his bat, walked over to the fielder and rolled it into his hands it would have been an easier chance. But not by much.

P. Mellor prepares an exquisite forward defensive.

The final over moved gently into the realm of the Keystone Kops. Running a single to the keeper is a perfectly acceptable risk if the two batsmen have agreed on this. Webster neglected to mention to Rundle that this was the intention with the fairly inevitable result that Psycho (5) was on his way. Reeves, umpiring, narrowly missed having the ball lodged in his nostril as the enthusiastic bowler laced the ball at the stumps in from around 18 inches. Skipper Hoskins (3) has always been an advocate of pushing the running and always puts his money where his mouth is. Unfortunately he ran 4 while Webster (7*) only managed 3 and Hoskins paved the way for a return to the crease of the earlier retired Shorten. Shorten’s return was something of an anti-climax as he failed to add a single run, or even face a ball, and the Madders had fallen 15 runs short.

Still, on a warm summer evening at a lovely ground we saw 40 overs bowled, 271 runs scored, 12 wickets taken while 20 blokes batted and 14 bowled. Ok, so FFTMCC lost by 15 runs, but it was fun, everybody had a shot at something, and, baby, we had a good time, good time. Hats off to Hoskins.

‘Warmporch’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Blewbury & Upton CC Played at Brasenose College, 1 July 2014 Blewbury & Upton CC won the toss and elected to bat Blewbury & Upton CC won by 15 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

14 / 328 20 over match

Team	Blewbury & Upton CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	B. Strange	retired	30
2	J. Fraser	b Rundle	12
3	A. Shearer	b Shorten	2
4	H. Fraser	c Turner b Carter	16
5	J. Barrett	retired	35
6	O. Mew	not out	5
7	J. Kenney	retired	33
8	T. Wigley	c Hotson b Hoskins	0
9	D. Barlow	not out	3
10	B. Ray
11	J. Lear
	Extras	(LB7)	7
	TOTAL	(for 4 wickets, 20 overs)	143

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Rundle	4	0	23	1
2	Webster	4	0	19	0
3	Shorten	2	0	5	1
4	Mellor	2	0	25	0
5	Hoskins	4	0	39	1
6	Carter	4	0	25	1

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	D. Shorten	not out	38	(21)	5	2	-
2	M. K. Reeves	run out	3	(10)	-	-	1-18
3	M. T. Westmoreland	c Ray b Fraser	20	(17)	2	-	2-81
4	R. P. Turner	b Fraser	15	(22)	1	-	3-85
5	M. J. Reading	c Barrett b Lear	6	(12)	-	-	5-105
6	J. C. W. Hotson +	b Fraser	0	(1)	-	-	4-85
7	P. A. S. Mellor	b Barlow	20	(20)	2	-	6-117
8	M. S. Rundle	run out	5	(10)	-	-	8-121
9	G. Carter	b Barlow	0	(1)	-	-	7-117
10	J. vdG. Webster	not out	7	(5)	-	-	-
11	J. D. Hoskins *	run out	3	(1)	-	-	9-125
	Extras	(W5, B6)	11
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 20 overs)	128

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Ray	3	0	15	0
2	Mew	3	0	20	0
3	Wigley	2	0	23	0
4	Shearer	2	0	16	0
5	Lear	4	0	28	1
6	Fraser	3	1	5	3
7	Barlow	2	0	8	2
8	Strange	1	0	4	1

MOTM: D. Shorten Champagne Moment: R. P. Turner’s catch for G. Carter’s first Mad wicket Buffet Award: P. A. S. Mellor’s hog roast (with chips and vegetable sides)

Opposition: V074 / 04 Ground: G040 / 35 Captain: C006 / 43